Tired of being stepped on
I have a 14 year old stepdaughter whom I have taken care of since she was 2. I have done everything under the sun, moon and stars for this girl. My daughter is biracial and she lives with her father and I and we have three other children. Every other weekend she goes to her mothers house and it has been this way for several years, problem is when she comes home we get treated like second class citizens because her mother gives her every little thing that she asks for and takes her on these extravagant vacations and unfortunately we can not afford to do those things for her because we have three other children all under the age of 12. The one major issue that we have been dealing with is the fact that she hates being part African-American; being an African-American woman, I am proud to be a woman of color with a college education. I am really fed up with her smart mouth, attitude, ungratefulness, and nastiness toward me and my children to the point where I am ready to leave my husband...Someone please give me some advice I know I'm not the only step mom that feels like they are being stepped on.
I am trying to find the movie
I am trying to find the movie Imitation of Life, I watched this movie as a young girl and I am hoping that this will help her realize that no matter what she can not change who she is and that just because she is part African American that she is less than her Caucasian brother and sister. I have even gone as far as doing research and showing her some amazing successful black women past and present that are were and are very influential in American history.
Wait... isn't the OP saying
Wait... isn't the OP saying the SD is bi-racial but doesn't like it (at this point in her life, I'm sure she will come into her own later), and that is upsetting to the SM who is African American?
Unfortunately, it sounds like
Unfortunately, it sounds like part of this is coming from BM...I'm guessing BM is Caucasian? My kids are interracial...half Caucasian, half Hispanic...I'm the one who is Caucasian. Even after my ex and I divorced, and when I remarried I didn't marry Hispanic (not because of any kind of race issue, just happened to be who I fell in love with). However, I always made it a point to let my bios be who they were, and be proud of who they were! Spending their first years mostly around my ex's family and friends, they enjoyed Mexican food...a lot! I made it a point to keep making the foods I learned to make from my ex-mother-in-law...beans, rice, homemade tortillas, homemade salsa, carne guisada (my son's favorite), etc. We live in Texas, so there are plenty of places to visit to learn about their heritage. I took them to these place from the time they were young. At the same time...I'm a first generation born American on one side of my family, and second generation born on the other...French and Irish (I know...how....I don't know). I also taught them all that I could of my family's background...and they had plenty of foods from that side of things, too (well, more Irish than French, and I relate more to the Irish side of my family)...Shephard's pie, corned beef, stews, etc. My bios are who they are, and proud of who they are! They will put down Hispanic on applications for jobs or school...but leagally, that is what they are...soooooo. Otherwise, they identify with all the cultures they were raised with!
Sounds to me like BM is a bit uppity and maybe a little entitled, and unfortunately, because she spoils the child when she has her (I mean, this seems to be common of parents who don't have the kid full time...time is more about fun than being a parent), the kid comes back from BM's acting just like the woman! Sad!
Her mother is not very
Her mother is not very ladylike, she has a husband who is quite racist to me and I don't think he like my SD very much. Now our family is very eclectic, we love all types of music but my SD has been listening to what I like to call "hateful" music and she said she got it from her BioMom and SF.
I have tried to make her feel comfortable but, when I have been the one raising her it really pisses me off that she would be so disrespectful to me, my family and my other three children.
I have shown her books,
I have shown her books, videos, information online, people in our community and family history from her fathers side and mine that have been very influential in America and African American history that have change the world and that it is something to be proud of. I have taken to class with me, poetry reading, and even my job to show her that being African American or part African American is nothing to be ashamed of. We have even talked about the Caucasian side of her family that owned slaves and that she should not hate them either, it's all history and that has shaped us into who we are today.
I have shown her books,
I have shown her books, videos, information online, people in our community and family history from her fathers side and mine that have been very influential in America and African American history that have change the world and that it is something to be proud of. I have taken to class with me, poetry reading, and even my job to show her that being African American or part African American is nothing to be ashamed of. We have even talked about the Caucasian side of her family that owned slaves and that she should not hate them either, it's all history and that has shaped us into who we are today.
My SD is biracial...her
My SD is biracial...her father is AA and bio-mom is Caucasian.
I'm not a cracker, I'm a
I'm not a cracker, I'm a Saltine American.
LOL, I wish I could tell her
LOL, I wish I could tell her that she don't have to live here but, I am being pulled like taffy between her and my husband. It would brake his heart if I told him that I wanted her to move with her mother because he fought so hard to get custody of her and he works even harder to be better than his own father.
You definitely have an extra
You definitely have an extra twist in the step mom/daughter dynamic. Good luck. Could this be a phase and soon she'll be exploring her AA side?
Daughters are hideous at this age to begin with.
White people spend billions of dollars to look darker, people of color spend billions to look lighter. The only winners are the cosmetic companies.
Thank you so much, I have
Thank you so much, I have done everything for my SD but, for her say that she is embarrassed by my family ( the family she lives with) really hurts and has put a strain on my marriage because my husband refuses to believe what I and other are telling him about her.
I'm curious to know how the
I'm curious to know how the child looks. If it's obvious that she's mixed(skin tone,facial features, hair texture...),she going to have her world rocked when she pulls this crap around her black peers.
What's the racial make up of the school she attends? I would make sure her behind attends a school, extra curriculas, church....where damn near all the kids and adults were black.
I have been told that she
I have been told that she looks just like me, a light skin AA woman with brown eyes and wavy hair. She looks like a beautiful caramel completed young lady of color. She talk and thick and take after her dads side of the family. My SD beautiful and always has been.
How does a woman with a
How does a woman with a biracial child marry a guy who is racist???? I can't think that is the whole story.
Not slamming you, OP... but is it possible that *maybe* your teenage SD is just going through the normal teenage angst of not liking who they are or how they look... and YOU are the one projecting the racial issue onto it?
Is it necessarily racism if she says she doesn't like her skin tone, wishes she had different hair, wishes she were shorter/taller/thinner/fatter/bustier... etc? I think we ALL did that. I hated my curly hair and olive skin tone. Now I love it. I wanted to be blonde and have straight hair, and freckles. It wasn't racism, it was called being a TEEN.
To answer your question, I
To answer your question, I believe that he has not had a lot of interaction with AA people and that he has a very negative outlook on AA people. Now I'm not saying that my SD is being racist but, it's more like self hate. You have to understand that no matter what, she will be seen as a young lady of color and when she sees commercials on tv telling her what is beautiful very few depict ladies of color so I have to go the extra mile to show her that women of color are as equally beautiful.
I highly doubt that this is a phase because it has been going on for to long and she has told her father that she hates going outside in the summer because she is going to get to get to dark....this child is not that dark at all she maybe a light caramel color so the sun in not going to kill her and I'm make all of my kids put on sunblock everyday.
Her mom is doing and saying
Her mom is doing and saying racist things around her. I can almost guarantee. Maybe she is hating herself and taking it out on you all?
I would ask your husband what it would take for him to believe you. If he won't ever believe you then you know what to do. If he requires a ridiculous amount of proof its the same deal. If he can be reasonably convinced then you have something to work towards.
I have thought about setting
I have thought about setting up cameras to catch her in action just so her dad would get the point. It's sad when your SC makes you upset that you have to hide away from your family just to keep your sanity.