I think that the bioparents think their little darlings have been traumatized enough by daddy and mommy divorcing and want to make the little twits lives as non-traumatic as possible afterwards. Because, obviously, it's better for the bioparents to not fight after the dears have been through sooooo much.

It's a question we've all asked ourselves at one point. There are as many answers as there are people here.
My answer is pretty simple. Its him.
I have no bios. His kids come to us every school holidays, (they live in another state and they're 16 and 18)
So for 2 weeks every 10, and 4 weeks at christmas, I'm a full time SM.
Tne rest of the time its all long distance. (They actually cause more drama when they aren't here)
I'll quote someone from here (I'm so sorry....I forget who said it.)
It's not perfect but its enough.
And that doesn't mean I'm settling by any stretch of the imagination, just that Ive been without him, and been with him. And I don't ever want to be without him again.
The reasons to stay outweigh the reasons to go.
If the balance ever changed, my answer would too.
But I have it pretty easy in comparison to most.
Oh... and OP means Original post or Original poster.

The thing that most traumatizes a kid, even in a divorce, is shitty parenting. Parents can never lose track of the inalienable fact that they must be the example, mentor, confidante, advocate and disciplinarian for their child all of the time. PERIOD! Not their buddy, not their apologist, not their beck and call boy or girl, etc...

The only thing special about anyone including a child is performance. No performance, then there is nothing special about the person. For a kid that means being a kid, doing what they are told, trying their best, being respectful, being honest, developing character.

IMHO of course.

I know in my case, until the last couple of years, it was something I could put up with every now and then. DH was "lucky" if SD15 came over once a month. I never dreamed in a million years that SD15 would ever move in with us! The way BM was about weekends and the occasional trip up north to see family...she was so lost without SD15 around...so co-dependent on the child...that I could never see her letting the girl out of her grasp, no matter how much of a pain she turned out to be. There was also the issue of money...yeah, that money was very important to BM.

But that changed a couple of years ago. I think mostly because of BM's current husband. He is the one in control at that house now, and he doesn't want SD15 in his house doing her crap around his son (his child with BM)! He would rather give BM an allowance in replacement for the child support she was getting, than have SD15 in his house, but he was sure to make sure that DH would not ask for child support from BM!

Sad thing is, I would pay the child support personally to get that girl back out of my house! When she is gone, there is such peace in my home...such peace between my husband and I. These last couple of weeks, it has been made clear that all of our arguments surround SD15 in some way! Typical topics that start arguments are SD15's lack of respect for me or him (he doesn't like when I point out that he needs to stand up to her), SD15's lack of respect for our home (leaving her crap everywhere, putting things down the plumbing that shouldn't be, etc.), SD15's lying, SD15 wanting something and me saying no for whatever reason (how dare I deny the princess anything), etc.

i got sucked in.

we dated 14 months before we told SD about me. we thought it was best for her.

in that time, we obviously fell very much in love and everything was perfect. then he told her, and we had another 6-8 months of "honeymoon" phase where the kid liked me, had fun with us, and it felt like a family so that put us at close to 2 years, and in that time we moved in together, and got engaged. then BOOM! the crap hit the fan.

im too invested to walk away just yet - but i am not getting married until that kid reaches 18 unscathed. as soon as she gets a drug problem or gets knocked up, im done. walking away will still be hard, btu it will be a hell of a lot easier to do it unmarried. i never want to get divorced again. i also dont have kids, dont desire to have kids, so that gives me the luxury of "hanging on"... if i wanted a baby id probably be done or near done now.

Im sorry that you are having so many problems but imo if you look at the sks as a problem they will be. Invest more time in making not only a marriage but a family.
I have 1 bd age 11 and 1 ss 15 we have things going pretty well but we have spent a lot of time working on that. We do have our occasional problems like anyone but I am just here mainly to learn more about what is going on with others and see if I can help at all in some way. I may need some advice also at some point.