Is the word NO so hard to say?
My SD 17 pokes at me every chance she gets. She makes snide comments and argues with everything I say. My H says he's caught in the middle. He won't punish her he does just the opposite. I've tried to talk to him and give him some parenting advise but of course he knows how to handle his daughter and he thinks I'm too strict. H is letting her do and go where ever she wants giving her money to do things. I think H gives in partly bc SD wants to and bc H doesn't want to parent. It's been 2.5 months she's lived here now and she rules him. She takes the car everyday and doesn't come home from school till 8-9pm. My H sees nothing wrong with the fact that she's with her bf all evening almost everyday. Why should I have to live with this girl when she created a problem at her BM house. I have two of my own and quite frankly I think she's a bad influence. My H will correct/discipline my children but not his. By my H always taking up for SD it's pushing me away from him. In a way I feel like he's chosen her "side" when she is manipulating him. I do wish to have a good relationship with her but she lies so much and is very backstabbing. I've tried to be nice to her and it gets me no where. I've disengaged to a point, however tension is very thick.
My bios are grown but Guilty
My bios are grown but Guilty Daddy always found SOMETHING to criticize about. Like the fact that my daughter is a homemaker and doesn't work outside the home. Meanwhile when he was married to the BM, the BM was a stay-in-bed mom (BM is a slob--I could never call her a "homemaker")
The three skids 17, 15 and 11 have been PASed out for over 4 years now and Guilty Daddy kissed their and the BM's butt so much for a solid 6 1/2 years, he got lip burn. All three have been failing school for 10 years now--yet get passed to the next grade.
Yet in his fantasy world, he never kissed their butts and was a disciplinarian :jawdrop: He told me that I was a guilty parent because I told my grown son that he could title over his car back to my daughter, the original owner, WITHOUT GUILTY DADDY'S CONSENT!!!!! :jawdrop:
I just keep telling myself a
I just keep telling myself a few more months and she'll be 18. I hope she moves out on her birthday! Until then I will just sit back and watch her hang herself. Daddy won't always be there to save her.
No my SD does not pay
No my SD does not pay anything. SD has a 10hr a week job which does not amount to much and she tries to find every reason to quit working. Age 17 and already has had three previous jobs that she found reasons to quit. My H pays for her gas, cell, and everything els this child whims for.
It's very hard to like my H when he acts like SD does not say or do wrong and most of all not be on my side. Most of the time he defends her and makes me out to be immature and/or mean. It's hard for me to sit in the LR and watch tv while SD is present.
Oh yes, they are so good at
Oh yes, they are so good at being critical with the kids who are not causing the trouble, but their own messed up kids get patted on the head and rewarded. The guilt overrides reason every time. I think they almost feel compelled to find fault with our kids to show their own children in some sick way that they are still loyal to them.
I would leave the crazy of your SD to her father. Avoid her. Don't even get involved beyond politeness. If she is kind be kind in return, but otherwise stay away. The less interaction there is the less you give your spouse opportunities to disappoint you by siding with your SD when he should not.
If he asks what's up sweetly say "I am always here if SD needs me." That way you are not saying I don't want to deal with her nor are you confronting him probably for the upteenth time about his behavior. Rise above it all, and try remain untouchable where the drama is concerned.
Best of luck with everything!
"they are so good at being
"they are so good at being critical with the kids who are not causing the trouble, but their own messed up kids get patted on the head and rewarded"
You don't realize how true that statement is!! BS19 (who doesn't get into trouble) will say that he is going over to his buddy's house after work on a Friday night. DH starts with me that he doesn't know if he truly believes that is where BS19 is really going, etc. Yet, SD15 (who has this long history of lying and getting into trouble) says that she needs to stay after school for X or Y and DH needs to come pick her up at 8 p.m., and he buys it hook, line, and sinker without a second thought! Are you kidding me?
I have a similar story, my
I have a similar story, my daughter fell asleep studying and left a glass out, not because she ignored it but because she truly fell asleep at her desk, and my husband chided me about letting her get away with rule breaking and not putting the glass in the dishwasher. Yet, the prior week one of his kids took a roll from the bread basket, took one bite and literally threw the roll back in the basket in front of everyone at the table, in a restaurant, and not a word was said to him by his father. When I questioned my husband privately later on, he said, "oh, he must not have liked it, so it is understandable." It is truly pathetic! I have little hope it will change.
My husband also calls it "repurposing" when his child asks for money for school things when he really is using it to buy cigarettes. I said he is stealing from you, and he said, "well no he is not because I gave him the money, he only repurposed the money."
They are deluded beyond belief with their own, while ours remain on permanent probation. Funny how it's the ones who never get in trouble get the suspicious eye. They probably need to make ours seem bad to make theirs seem better.
I just don't get where the
I just don't get where the guilt comes in. My bio sons father and I were divorced when the boys were newborn and three. Their bio father has not been in contact since the divorce. And husbands girls chose not to come around until they don't get their way with their mom. Do I feel guilty? No. It is what it is and that's it. No sugar coatings. I do not parent to please. I just don't understand why husband would feel guilty.
Guys seem to be more plagued
Guys seem to be more plagued with the guilt. They lose perspective, or at least mine did. They seem to forget how dysfunctional the marriage was, and that they ended the union because it was healthy for no one. Then it becomes all about how this divorce is damaging to the kids, forgetting that this damage is the lesser of the prior marriage type damage. Then you get the competition for the affection of the kids. Then everyone wonders why these kids are screwed up.
My child is fine and well adjusted, and I think it is largely because her father and I both continued to raise and love her in the same manner that we did before the divorce. There were no free passes to extra presents or ignoring of bad behavior. So, she remained the same nice child she always was. Husband and his ex were screwing up their kids while married, and they continued the behavior, but now husband has this real sense of guilt which they exploit ruthlessly. Why does he have guilt, because he made them sad, and he "never wants to make his children sad." In short, he does not wish to raise his children responsibly with boundaries and the word no, so we all suffer.
Anono, would you like to
Anono, would you like to borrow my SS? Just kidding.
My SS17 has no girlfriend and no prospects of one. He rarely leaves the house, he's always here, always. He has no job, no license. He's afraid to drive, not motivated to learn, cannot be bothered. He'd rather stay home and make his dad socialize with him. What I would give for him to be gone every night until 8pm and be out with his girlfriend all the time, lol.
But I get where you're coming from. Although I sort of agree with all the comments about disengaging, I don't know how I would deal with someone who made a point to insult me all the time.
Don't get me wrong, I do like
Don't get me wrong, I do like the fact SD isn't here most evenings.But why is it up to me to worry where she is who she's with what's she doing with our car. My H doesn't ask questions he takes her word in which she has proven to be a liar. I don't want SD bad influences around my impressionable boys. I am sickened even more everyday. If I have to watch him kiss her ass for one more day I'm going to flip my lid!! I told my H exactly how I felt, that his daughter is a spoiled helpless brat and I can't take her living here anymore. Pretty much he said too bad she's staying. If I'd tell my SD17 about herself I'll be yelled at by H and told I over react but at least she will hear out loud where she stands in my book and how people see her. My marriage is crumbling bc of my husbands lack of spine and commitment to me. I pray her mom asks her to go back to her house. SD has NO idea how many problems she has caused. One day I hope she gets all of this back!!