I've been married for 7 years and my role as stepmom was Christmas. Spring Break, and summer.  The kids get along well with me. Until recently, the kids lived in another state with mom. She died suddenly several months ago and now they live with us.  Stepdaughter, AR, is high school age and stepson, WG, is middle school. They both, especially AR, have founded and unfounded abandonment issues with dad. The divorce and following years were not generally friendly.