For a chuckle and understanding
I thought I would share something my DH and I find funny- at the time, DH was shocked, and I was left digging for answers.
So ODD was 7, and she and I were at my DH (then BF) for the weekend and we were eating dinner. DH and I were joking back and forth and at the end DH says well just give me my ring back then. OF course I knew he was joking- but DD response became a window to her thought processing:
DD to me: It's ok MOmmy, my daddy will give you a ring again.
Me to DD: Well, we tried that DD and it didn't work, which is the reason we are divorced, plus he has SM. And you like both SM and DH so you would miss them.
DD to us: Well, you could marry Daddy, DH and SM/gf could get married and I could see them EOWE and everyone would be happy.
Now please see me taking a big drink and almost spitting it across the table.
DH didn't see the underlying issues here and was livid. However the hour drive home always gave me time for probing. So we started talking about "things" and I brought up the dinner table conversation and told her that DH was joking about the ring, but I had some questions for her. Why did she want me do marry exh/bd again?
Well mommy if you married daddy I would see him everyday, not just twice a year (long distance dad). Ahhh......but why would you think that DH and SM would get married, well I love them and want to be with them too!
me to DD: SO let me get this right, it isn't that you want mommy and daddy to get married, you just want daddy here where you would see him all the time. So let's say- if he and SM moved next door you would be completely ok with that.
DD to me: Yes I just miss my dad.
DH was shocked by the revelation and from then forward he realized that sometimes there is more behind the spoken word then simply what was said.
- 12yrstepmonster's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Wow...I understood what she
Wow...I understood what she meant from the get-go. What a sweet precious girl!! Lucky Mom and Stepmom!!
She's now 18, but it was a
She's now 18, but it was a turning point for DH to learn that sometimes kids aren't really meaning what they say- they just dont know how to say what they really mean.
That SM didn't deserve her love or respect-- she totally devastated my daughter. But that is in the past.
But you are right, all people involved have been very lucky with ODD. She learned from a very early stage that a) she was a child and we were parents b) we were going to make decisions that would make us happy, and hopefully if she would keep an open mind it would make her happy too.
She recently received a "new" stepmom. and a "new" sbrother. She actually got mad at both sm and bd because when she went to visit they wouldn't let her spend time with sb- they took him to daycare or family while they were at work. She actually planned her Christmas stay around his stay with his dad, because she didn't get to see him for a solid year when she missed him during a Christmas vacation and since he was only 7 he changes greatly.
I wouldn't want to be the SM when she is there though, because yes my exh does a lot of the disney parenting with her. But it's my understanding she is always respectful and they are learning to develop a relationship.