I guess I just don't see where anyone has been rude or mean in the other thread. Just offering opinions that some don't like.

Ok, nevermind. The rudeness and meaness just started over there.

I disagree that this is not her fight. She moved out to get away from the drama and he just keeps pulling her back in. You need to set your boundaries and not back down. If this man wants any future with any person not just you he is going to have to learn how to make them a priority as well as his children. What totally amazes me is that while our DH or BF were with their ex's they had no trouble allowing them to be the primary caregivers but as soon as they are no longer a couple, guess what, they just are not responsible or good enough to do the simplest things that are required of parents. Such BS. You need to sit him down and explain to him how you feel and tell him if he can't make you a priority then he needs to leave you alone and let you move on with your life. Do not allow this man to treat you like a booty call when it is convenient for him. I have been in that position and all it does it make you more insecure about yourself. Make your boundaries and stick by them. Oh, and believe me, all the nay sayers that tell you the children come first are full of that same BS. If you do not make your partner your top priority, when your kids are grown and gone you will be one lonely old man!!!!!!!

Like I just posted on the other thread.....

Being a step-parent has absolutely nothing to do with marriage and everything to do with the role we have in our partner's and their children's lives.

Some are focusing on the right to the Title of Step-Parent, while other are focusing on their roles and feelings of being a Step-Parent.

I agree, we don't each other and we haven't walked in anyone elses shoes but our own. I don't think that a GF is not a stepmom. That is just complete ignorance by someone that feels that they earned the title by being married and not by being a role model and by loving and caring for kids that aren't your own.

I have only been on this site for a short while but I can say that I have gotten some good advise. Sometimes I do feel that people tend to not really read or "listen" to what is being asked, but instead decide to give their story without really offering advise.

A legal piece of paper does not make you a step parent... same as the old saying...

Sitting in church every Sunday does not make you a Christian just like standing in the garage does not make you a car.

i don't think it matters if you are gf or wife....

but if the skids term doesn't set well, since you are technically not a "step parent", feel free to use my term "ass gnat(s)"... some find it offensive, but i don't..... just addresses how i feel about them most of the time.... annoying like a gnat and right up mine or dh's ass....

Its the "why buy the cow" comment that got everyone upset
+++++++++++++++++++++++++

I have heard that phrase since I was a little bitty kid. I think it is funny. I also liked the one that the girl posted on the flip sid about men. lol. I think some people get too offened way to easy. JMHO

I don't know anything about the post/thread you all are talking about, but I second the opinion that it shouldn't matter whether we are girlfriends, fiances, or wives/husbands, or whether we've been involved with the skids for 1 year, 5 years, or 25 years. I too have seen and been a victim of negativity that was directed towards people because of a certain title (the "you're just a girlfriend") or length of stepparenthood ("you've only been a SM for a few months, you don't know" kind of thing)...We are all steps who come here because we obviously care about the "parent" part of that title.

Submitted by SteppingUp on Tue, 08/17/2010 - 3:36pm.
I don't know anything about the post/thread you all are talking about, but I second the opinion that it shouldn't matter whether we are girlfriends, fiances, or wives/husbands, or whether we've been involved with the skids for 1 year, 5 years, or 25 years. I too have seen and been a victim of negativity that was directed towards people because of a certain title (the "you're just a girlfriend") or length of stepparenthood ("you've only been a SM for a few months, you don't know" kind of thing)...We are all steps who come here because we obviously care about the "parent" part of that title.

I agree with this comment...I come here to vent and share a story, maybe offer advise to someone that has asked.

I have to say, in my case getting married to DH (after being his GF for years) changed things, but all the changes came from outside, external forces.

MY views on my role or relationship with the kids didn't change. However, my inlaws started to see me as a permanent person and began to include me more. My stepkids became more threatened by me when they realized that I am permanent and it caused all kinds of stress and anxiety in my (formerly) warm and loving relationship with them.

I think that every situation is different. I have friends who are GFs and amazing mother figures to their BF's kids, and other friends who are wives and have no connection or warmth. Seems really silly to me for people to be making sweeping judgments about titles.

With the number of unwed child births so prevelent today and the number of monogamous long term nom marital relationships I think the line between GF/BF and StepMom/StepDad is blurring.

For all intents and purposes I think that StepKid or Sparent are terms that are applicable to both marital and non marital long term relationships when one or more of the adults have children with someone other than their partner/spouse.

Don't get me wrong. I am a strong proponant of marriage. However, being a parent is not dependent on birth (in the case of Bios) or on a marriage certificate (in the case of Steps). Parents are the ones who perform the actions of parenting which can be people with no biological relationship or even a relationship with a genetic contributor to the child. A coach, a pastor, a friend or a "Big Brother/Big Sister" (or the Big Brother/Sister organizations) can often be more of a parent than a childs Bio or Step parents.

IMHO of course.

Best regards,

and the difference between a husband and a bf?

45 minutes..

hahahahahahaha........ not all the time...

Well I'm OFTEN accused of being a trolling BM from ivillage but whatever. When my EH's girlfriend moved in with him with her two children in tow, I knew that hey, this was serious, and the ONLY thing I wanted from her was to be good to my DS. She was very nice to him. She was his stepmom in my eyes, married, not married, whatever. That was her ROLE. She took it upon herself to be a good SM to my DS. She and EH being not married one day and married the next didn't change the role that she played as his SM, as far as I'm concerned it didn't matter at all.

We are here to learn to vent and to hopefully step away with some other insight to our situation. I believe we come here to share and not to belittle others. So sorry if we are all selfish and unreasonable at times.
Guess we all need to grow up.