Boundaries
My mother apparently doesn't understand them.
I had to lock my doors today because I don't want to deal with her. She barged in TWICE after I told her I didn't want company right then.
She also bought my daughters 2 smelly lion costumes at a garage sale. They seriously reek of urine and smoke, especially the one for BD2 which is also nasty LOOKING. I can't take my kids out in public in these!
I tried telling her that I liked the one for NBD (Not as smelly or nasty looking, actually kinda cute after I washed it 3 times) but I can't use the one for BD2. I tried telling her I had to get BD2 a different costume (I suggested a Dorothy and have NBD be the cowardly lion, me the witch, and DH the scarecrow) and she blew up on me about not appreciating what I have.
Add to this that I just found out from DH that BM expects us to take SD trick or treating with us and she's going to be the Little Mermaid in a brand new freaking costume. I just want to sit down and cry. I used to love Halloween. Now it's just turning into drama like everything else.
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What is the problem with SD
What is the problem with SD having a brand new costume? Why are you letting kids costumes get you so upset?
This doesn't have to be dramatic.
If you don't want the used costumes, don't use them. Certainly your mom was only trying to be helpful. If you don't want used ones, go buy new ones.
Yeah, I go buy new ones and
Yeah, I go buy new ones and my mother throws a fit because the ones she bought weren't good enough. My mom has an inferiority complex, if I don't like something she buys, she takes it personally and says I hate her and then doesn't speak to me. She'll throw a huge fit on Halloween if the girls aren't in the costumes she bought.
Tell her it smells like
Tell her it smells like urine. Tell her it didn't fit. Tell her it had holes in it. Tell her it fell apart in the washing machine.
Or...just tell her you wanted to buy new costumes for your kids & she can get over it.
Really...this is not worth falling apart over.
Kids love dressing up...new
Kids love dressing up...new costume or used. Her kids are too young to care.
I guess having grown up with my new school clothes being yardsale clothes & my Christmas gifts coming from yardsales & Goodwill, maybe I learned young that used stuff isn't going to be the death of me.
Her kids can have new stuff. All she has to do is go buy it.
As for SD going with them, is it wrong for her dad to take her, or should he tell her no because he's going with his other kids?
I understand she's frustrated, but to let this ruin a holiday she loves...?
Oh boy...Moms and
Oh boy...Moms and boundaries!!!!!! I'm going through this myself. I'm PM'ing you 3LD.........
Want to know how to find out
Want to know how to find out who the biggest narcissist is in the room? Yell ASSHOLE and see who flinches the hardest.
It's hard dealing with an adult with a personality problem.
Repeat after me. "It isn't personal. It isn't personal. It isn't personal."
Now, while you're setting boundaries, say these exact words to your mother. "Mom, it isn't personal."
Learn to employ phrases like "This isn't about you. Not every thing is about you. It isn't personal. Please don't take everything I do personally. I'm an adult, and this is a choice for me to make about my daughters."
It's okay to say NO.
Now, here's what YOU need to know. Your mom's feelings are not your responsibility. You're someone's mom. That's your responsibility. That's it. You can't live your life tiptoeing around another adult's feelings. If she chooses to continue to traipse all over boundaries, she WILL get her toes stepped on once or twice, unless, of course, you sit back and let her step all over yours, which sets an example for your daughters that it's okay to accept poor treatment from family because they're family. Personally, I choose to set the example that we don't put up with any more shit from family than we would from a friend. If I wouldn't let something slide with a friend, I also DO NOT let it slide with family.
Your post and Darkside's PM
Your post and Darkside's PM have probably been two of the most helpful things I've read today. Thank you for seeing past the costumes. It's not about the costumes, it's about that she decided, without my input, to control something that should have been mine to control.
Thank your mom and maybe only
Thank your mom and maybe only use the costumes she bought for dress up or play time and get your kids new costumes. They are after all YOUR kids.
Although people are claiming
Although people are claiming it's just costumes, etc. I know what you are feeling.
I felt the same way when my skids would come over wearing Hollister and other brand name overpriced CRAP while my son was lucky if I could throw him $10 and have him get his clothing at the THRIFT STORE.
I can understand the frustration when you feel like your own child(ren) are doing without but yet part of your household income is going to make sure that skids' whatever are the BEST and NEWEST.
That's the issue with the
That's the issue with the costumes exactly. Add to that that GBM was saying "OH, I want to get pictures of the girls in their costumes." and I just feel sick about it now. There will be SD, in a brand new costume, and there will be my kids in too big, stained, nasty costumes.
I think I'm going to try to find the money and get them different costumes.
You said in your first
You said in your first sentence, that apparantly your mother doesnt understand bounderies. I think you should ask yourself this question.
I think when a relationship reaches a point where you are literally locking doors then its time to ask YOURSELF what you need to do differently to set up AND ENFORCE boundaries with this person.
Yes sometimes even our own parents can be toxic.
Best of luck. ((((Hugs))))