Despise My Stepdaughter!
Hello. New to the group. I need a place to vent, so I apologize for this being long. I am a bio mom to a 7 year old girl and stepmom to a 13 year old boy and 15 year old girl. I've been in their lives since they were 4 and 6. Stepson is a wonderful kid, him and I have always got along great. Stepdaughter, however, I cannot stand. She is legitimately a compulsive liar, lies about anything and everything. My husbands family feeds into her lies and constant bullshit. My husband and I actually split up for about 7 months because she told him I would call her terrible names and whatnot. Her bio mom is nothing but a huge where, does nothing to help take care of the kids, and constantly tries to be her best friend by letting her 14 year old boyfriend spend the night at their house. She has dictated what goes on in our home since day one and I am done. I hate to give my husband the ultimatum, but at this point it's us or her. My bio child and Stepson both hate her and the problems she causes. Nothing works, no amount or degree of discipline works for her. Counseling will not work because she just lies! Like I said, my husbands family does whatever she wants. In their eyes she can do no wrong. The other two kids get in trouble for things she does or says, they get bitched at because they have electronics and she lost all chances of everything having them. They do not follow our rules that we have set for the kids and constantly undermine us. Stepdaughter is very manipulative, knows what to say to get her way. I feel terrible for putting the burden on my husband to choose, but it's been long enough and I don't want my bio child being raised around her. Advice?
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Comments
He won't take it seriously
He won't take it seriously though. He knows we are all miserable, he just doesn't want to send her to live with her mother, for fear of backlash from his family. So all of us have to suffer because he won't put his foot down.
My Advice, disengage from
My Advice, disengage from her, don't inform any one simply just do it
http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
It's possible to disengage from one skid and not the other one, simply ignore SD and spend time with SS and your bios.
You do nothing for SD, you don't even talk to her....
but the biggest concern here is that your DH believed SD above you... with her telling him you are calling her names etc. Thus I think you have more of a DH problem then a SD problem. DH should be backing you up and tell SD... here's SM now tell me again what did she call you..... guaranteed SD will squirm like a fly under doom....
That's the bad part. SS has
That's the bad part. SS has stated that he would rather live with me in any instance of a break up. But I know legally that would never happen. I don't want to split from my husband, I do love him, I just don't know what to do at this point. She constantly lies, even about stupid things. Last night we found out that her boyfriend had given her an IPod that she has had for a month. She has lost privileges for having a phone after having promiscuous conversations with older guys she didn't know, or talking shit about us to her friends or mother. Her mother tells her to lie to us. It never gets better. So on this I pod her 14 year old boyfriend was sending her dick pics and telling her to lie to us. And she humors it. It's like she enjoys all the lying and the problems it causes.
Simply ignore her, she's not
Simply ignore her, she's not your kid and not your responsibility...... eventually DH will get tired of her and step up and try an parent, she will refuse to come over and stay with BM permanently....
just hang in there and disengage
If I found dick pictures on
If I found dick pictures on my kids electronics you can bet I'd be forwarding the dick pictures to the kids mother then I would call the mom to inform her that she'd better keep her kids dick pics out of my kids possession or my next call will be to the police.
Oh you can bet thathat at
Oh you can bet thathat at 10:00 pm last night his mother was looking at screenshots of her sons dick that I forwarded her!!
I know that my biological
I know that my biological daughter will always be around her, I just keep telling myself that I only have to put up with this for 2 more years. 2 years and it's over, she is out! Ideally I would like for her to go live with her mother, and have visitation here every other weekend. But I just don't know what's best at this point.
hehehehehe bursting you
hehehehehe bursting you bubble with a blunt needle.....
this girl will never be out Hon.... after graduation she will want to go to college, she will not try to find a job, she will be around you for ever... read the ADULT SKID forum and prepare yourself ......
the only thing you can do - ignore ignore and disengage, work on DH to ensure he draw a line with her and set up some boundaries
I had this conversation
I had this conversation yesterday - she will always be his daughter - you are the disposable one, don't forget that. And if because of his lack of parenting, she continues to escalate this type of behavior - well it only gets worse, not better.
Time to pony up and make the hard decisions.
At the best of times,
At the best of times, teenagers are challenging. Teenage girls are way more intense emotionally (usually), and they clash with the alpha-females around them. So the dramatics are kind of to be expected.
Taking that out of the equation, clearly your husband is a weak parent. Otherwise he'd be doing what's best for his kid, not what's easiest for him. I bet this is a big source of frustration in other areas as well, but obviously there can be severe consequences for his daughter. Unfortunately, since you're not her mom, you have very little influence.
You might have to sit down and decide what you care about here. Maybe you can't stay with him at this point because you aren't willing to watch him fail to give his daughter the structure and safety she needs. Maybe you can let the efffect on her go, but if her behaviour escalates to xyz (sneaking out, boys sleeping over, drugs or alcohol or violence in the home, or whatever your line is) and your husband still doesn't parent her, then you will have to leave in order to protect your own child. Or maybe something else, it's your relationship and your child's safety and your own happiness that you need to safeguard, so you're the only one that knows when you need to cut bait.