I feel like I am slowly emerging from the fog.

The last year has easily been the most challenging of my life. I can see now how depressed I was. Always sitting in bed in the same ugly gray sweatshirt, the smallest tasks felt monumental, crying over anything and everything, fits of absolute rage, etc.

The new medication I am on and my new therapist seem to be helping. I hate to even say it because I don't want to jinx it.

This new therapist knows all about DH, skids and the very complicated issues surrounding my at-home life. She knows about my childhood and about my string of abusive, shitty relationships in the past.

What I love about her is that she has a very cut and dry way of looking at relationships... i.e DH isn't the type to invest money in the stock market; he is the type to invest in a bucket truck and go out and do tree jobs on the side. We have a different way of looking at life. Different backgrounds. Accept it or walk. All else is madness. Same thing with addiction, some people continue on the right path, some relapse a few times along the way and others never change and ultimately destroy themselves. I can't "force" the outcome but I can set boundaries and know what my deal breakers are. Remember that and roll with it...

She is tackling what she labeled as MY ADDICTION "to anger" and my "maladaptive reactions to stress" (wanting to control every single aspect of life) and having me write down all the negative going on in my life every day and then also write the positive. It sounds so stupid and simple but it has helped me gain perspective. When I get upset I pull my little journal out of its hiding spot and get to writing.

I told her my goal is to have healthy relationships. And if I can't do that, my goal is to have a healthy enough relationship with myself to not participate in a toxic relationship.

I guess this is PSA that if your life is in shambles, eventually you can find a therapist who helps. It took me some searching. I had 4 or 5 other ones in the past who really didn't help much. One therapist actually used to hook me up to a heart monitor and have me watch fish swim on a screen for a half hour. After 2 sessions of that I was done. Friggin weirdo.