A common thread...
I just wonder how many people on here are just scraping by financially d/t the first marriage/divorce. Money can be a huge issue in a first marriage, never mind a second. For me, I'd rather scrape together money all on my own minus the bullshit involved with CS, divorce debt, and effing emotional BS of an ex wife, a bratty kid or two, mother in laws, complex relationships that essentially make a man into a ball-less wonder. Are there any men with kids that are financially sound? I wonder if the financial part of the step relationships are so difficult that it alone makes things difficult. Hell, at least if everything else was stressful and there was some financial security there would be some solid ground under our feet!
Sorry, I am so frustrated and discouraged with men and the prospects of the future I just want to get a bunch of cats and live in a ratty old VW van in the very near future...
I don't think any of it is worth it...
- AlexandraL's blog
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fabumom, you have my highest
fabumom, you have my highest respect. I agree with you completely about CS$$ ruining relationships.
Amazing, isn't it, that there can be a wonderful relationship between 2 parents without CS$$ being COURT ORDERED to be paid?!?
P.S. Can you please pass along your ex's phone # to me as well?? lol. sorry AlexandraL
*Laughing*
*Laughing*
Give me his number fabumom,
Give me his number fabumom, lol. JK.
I live in MA and here fathers
I live in MA and here fathers often are commited to supporting their children into their mid 20s (advanced degrees). It is so frustrating. I have kids teens and I feel like their dad and I will help them a bit during college, etc. but that they're going to need to support themself not too soon after they graduate HS.
It's very disheartening to me. I do receive CS but have worked my ass off. My guy has an ex wife who doesn't work full time even though SD is in elementary school ALL day. If you NEED money, you'll get your ass off to work, right? Working part time is not an option to me -- I can't do it. To add to this, she only has SD half time.
It doesn't really matter...there's nothing anyone can do. I just don't want to be with a guy who drags me down financially or come to the rescue with his extended responsibilities. I'd rather be stressed out financially on my own. I am motivated and a hard worker and will always find a way to be ok...not sure about the BF, actually, I know that is not the case.
AlexandraL, I just thought
AlexandraL, I just thought I'd let you know that you're not alone and that I feel the same way.
Until these archaic, outdated CS laws are reformed, it seems it will always be this way.
So annoying how the previous relationship/marriage continues to wreak havoc on the new relationship, financially and in so many other ways.
It's OVER already - some people just can't move forward with their own lives. They think they can continue the relationship with someone if they blackmail them financially (which is why I always refer to some of these unfair, massive CS$$ sitations as "legalized embezzlement").
They don't realize that the real effect is that it pushes that person farther and farther away. It's NEVER "about the kids" with most of these ex's - it's about the almighty dollar.
Is it worth it? Some days I feel it is, others I don't...
P.S. My advice to you is to keep your money separate. My BF knows that the skids have TWO LIVING, LOVING, HEALTHY PARENTS that created them, that can WORK FULL-TIME TO SUPPORT THEM (although somehow our BM thinks it's OK not to work full-time, but to live off the CS$$ and only work when she feels like it)...no one NEEDS more than that. My money doesn't go towards skids unless I CHOOSE to do something for them.
Milomom, I am barely involved
Milomom, I am barely involved with my BF now but when we were living together he was in a complete financial crisis and so, that meant I paid for everything because of bills that had to do with his past choices (massive dental bills for SD because BM and BF never took her to the dentist because BM couldn't emotionally handle it and also because she was afraid fluoride would poison the child, car issues, childcare expenditures). I guess yes you can keep money separate, which we did, but I had to pay everything instead of him contributing.
I'd really like to be remarried someday but I just can't see how it can work, really. I mean, I know it can because my exH is stable and I cause him and his wife no drama, and because I am stable and do not call, cause drama, leech, any of that stuff. We trust each other as parents and what he does at his house is his business and how I deal at mine is my business. Part of the problem is this "good divorce" shared parenting 50/50 crap. Look, you get divorced for a reason and usually you don't see eye to eye on more than one thing...if you can't make it work when you're married how the hell are you going to make it work split up? I don't get it. It seems like an unrealistic expectation that you're going to be on the same page post divorce when you couldn't agree while you were married. I think if you want that much interconnected parenting, consultation with the other parent, yielding to keep a crazy BM from lashing out then stay single, don't draw a woman into your drama with your ex wife and kids.
I think 50/50 is a great idea in theory but a sucky one in reality. The thing here too is that my BF has to pay I think the same amount of CS in a split custody situation as it would be in a custodial situation, because in MA both homes have to be at the same standard, which is difficult when you have a lazy piece of shit for an ex wife.
Maybe that's why my ex and I get along, because I actually am an adult, take care of my own shit, work full time like everyone else, don't work the system and manipulate others for my own interests...
Yes, Steperg, that's my plan!
Yes, Steperg, that's my plan! I'm practically growing a set! LOL.
DH was scraping by when we
DH was scraping by when we first got together - but his was just due to his martial debt. There was no exchange of CS has they each had custody of 1 of the kids. After a lot of work on his budget and getting his stuff straightened out, he's in a much better place. Which of course means the adult SS now thinks we have $$$ growing in the backyard. I think not - Dh & I work very hard for what we bring home - we bought a new house about 6 months ago so ss thinks we should be able to pay his bills. I made a huge sacrifice to by the house - I work. We could have stayed in our old house, I could have stopped working and stayed home with DS and the LO that's joining us next week. But we wanted a new house that was going to be our home - not the house he bought with the ex. Now I've got a few more years of working to get things paid off but we agreed to make the sacrifice for us and our children.