I ended things with my BF over the weekend. I wasn't planning on it, but I was frustrated with us being stuck in our relationship...you can read my other blogs for an explanation. It just came out, not angry or anything, that maybe we should just be friends as things are just not changing fast enough for me. In fact, BF tells me he's not sure things with SD and BM are ever going to change enough (for me) despite his best efforts. He's in a shit situation and the dynamic with Sd have been in place for many years...I am just not comfortable with how things are and don't feel I can wait around to see if things will change, especially when my BF tells me he's not sure they will.

Honestly, I am not sure what he can do to fix his situation...I think their EOD custody arrangement is ridiculous and ending that would go a long way in making life easier for SD and for him. Even if he had custody. The kid is in 2nd grade and has separation anxiety. What adult can cope with going back and forth between two homes? Additionally, I think BF needs to just, as they say, "flip the switch" with her and lay the law down. Part of the problem is also his family, which reinforce that SD is the center of the family, not part of the family.

When I look into the future I see much stress and many battles for me...I've been ambivalent about our relationship because of this for a long time. However, I have always loved my BF and feel he's the sweetest, nicest man I've ever met. He's been very good to me and my kids, although lately he's admitted that he holds SD higher than I hold my kids, and that SD is his top priority...that things were different before when we were living together. I think our relationship was his priority in the past...although he couldn't follow through on that because his divorce wasn't final when we first got together and he didn't want to rock the boat with SD or BM. He was also so worried about SD adjusting that he held way back and we focused on her feelings rather than trying to get things working well for EVERYONE. Quite frankly, there was too much SD and BM drama the first year and a half (we've been together a little over two years) that we couldn't really focus on us. I also didn't want to stress him out and stuffed most of my feelings...he really didn't know the extent of my anger and frustration until just before I said I did not want to live together anymore. To his defense, he did try to fix the things I said bothered me but my resentment was off the chart. Between the emotional stress and the financial stress I was under due to my BF and SD I was about ready to have a breakdown. I looked at everything and said wtf am I getting out of this? This was in the fall.

I think he was dedicated to our relationship but then felt abandoned and then put his eggs in one basket...SD...since he "couldn't count on me" anymore and SD he can. It's made things very difficult. We went to couples counseling all fall and were deadlocked at the end.

We really do love each other and want to be friends but have not been talking. I need some time. I am all over the place. Mainly anger.

We have very good communication skills and have worked VERY hard. We've always been considerate of each others feelings and worked to see each other's perspective and come to an agreement on things. I've never had that with someone. The problem is, there are so many struggles and I know there will be a million from here on out. I was always concerned about the future with SD given that her mom is troubled and doesn't work full time, expects her parents to support her (she is an only child too) and I have trouble seeing my BF saying no to her. I can imagine lots of struggles with her in the future. It made me very scared.

I just feel devastated. I keep trying to think of what can be done to change things but cannot come up with anything. I truly love him and this is killing me. This is a horrible decision to make. To add to the matter, I moved to be with him and do not have a real support network now...also recently lost my job. I've been going to different things in my town and trying to start friendships with my neighbors...

I'm just wondering if any of you have insight on my situation. For those who have left, do you have regrets? I am in my 40s and wanted to marry this man...I can't imagine ever wanting to try again or being able to believe in anything again. I felt like the past had been washed away, my slate cleared, and that I was getting a second chance at love...me, after being alone and so lonely for so long.