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Single moms over 40 and what's important in a relationship

AlexandraL's picture

Submitted by AlexandraL on Fri, 07/23/2010 - 10:23am

Just curious what you feel are the most important things you look for in a relationship. Of course I want love, to love, physical attraction, good communication, good sex, shared morals/goals (I don't want much, huh? LOL) I also really want security. I know I can manage my life on my own in all ways because I have and do, but damn, I'd really like to have a man around that can provide some financial security. I guess I am old fashioned, but it's a real turnoff to me as a woman to feel a man is dependent on me emotionally or financially.

Just wondering where you rank security as a want/need in a relationship. It seems most of the men with children just cannot provide that for us...

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PrincessFiona's picture

Submitted by PrincessFiona on Fri, 07/23/2010 - 10:29am

I'm not single but what I value most about my relatioship with DH and what I would look for again is the compatability and companionship. I want someone who has similar interests and morals that can share my everyday life. We are very much best of friends and share everything. We laugh together.

But I also value the finanacial security. While DH can't really provide entirely for me (and I wouldnt' want that) he also is not a burden to me.

You said >>>Just wondering where you rank security as a want/need in a relationship. It seems most of the men with children just cannot provide that for us...>>> I think that if our society is going to continue to embrace the idea of divorce as a fact of life then we also needs to adjust our support and custody ideas to go along. The current support laws don't allow a man to continue on with his life without being dependent on a future wife/gf.

buttercookie's picture

Submitted by buttercookie on Fri, 07/23/2010 - 10:43am

I love my husband but if I had to do the dating thing again I'd be very selective. My husband is my best friend and thats why we stay together but I'd never date a man with children again. I know most men have kids so that severly limits my dateability but so what. I'd rather be single and I one who thinks a woman should be with a man because she wants to be not because she needs to be (emotionally or financially)

AlexandraL's picture

Submitted by AlexandraL on Fri, 07/23/2010 - 10:47am

AstepAbove...what you said makes sense, for sure. I am not expecting a man to carry me by any stretch of the imagination but it's damn scary to feel your man cannot take care of himself when I can take care of myself and two kids. Granted, I get child support, but I have also clawed my way out financially...from making nearly minimum wage, to nearly tripling my salary in three years -- from the divorce debt I suffered to being nearly debt free. I know most men fall into debt by no fault of their own, but that being said, I don't want to rescue a man. I already have done that...it's not for me.

Maux, I'm feeling ya! It's hard thinking about taking on someone else's problems.

Steperg, I feel that way...that what I have to offer a man...all the touchy feely things PLUS a financial partner...I too should receive.

AlexandraL's picture

Submitted by AlexandraL on Fri, 07/23/2010 - 11:06am

Exactly! I am always looking for ways to improve things financially for myself and willing to work hard and I didn't feel that was a high priority in my previous relationship with a man who is seven years younger than me. I suppose that has a lot to do with it.