This is my first time on this forum and I am desperate for some guidance on what to do. I live with my 2 biological daughters (17 and 12), husband, our own daughters (7) and his 2 daughters from a previous marraige (13 and 15). We live in another country away from our ex partners. My eldest's father sees her once a year and similarly with my step daughters who see their mom once a year. My 12 year old is adopted by my husband. It's important to mention that that my husband and I have been married for 10 years and we met while he was still married. Very shortly after our relationship began he ended his marraige.

The relationship with my husbands ex was tenuous to start. She took him for everything he had, made him sign over 75% of his income as alimony and maintenance ect. He did so willingly as he said he just wanted to be with me and wanted to make sure his daighters were cared for. I earned enough to take care of us however we just made it. Even though he spent so much in maintenance when his daughters visited every second weekend their mother sent them with a list of things they needed. We always had to make sure whatever we spent on my daughters we spent on his otherwise they would get very upset. In the beginning his daughter's, especially the older one really struggled to accept my daughters and seemed more affected by there being other children in their dad's life than the divorce. From the start I decided that I needed to respect how his daughters felt and also accept them as my husbands children and treat them as if they were my own.

After 2 years their mother remarried. Financially the burden eased as her alimony stopped however we still supported the girls 100% but by then we were in £36k debt (£20k of which my husband acquired from marraige 1) Her new husband had 2 children (a boy and a girl) which the older step daughter didn't get along with. Infact, the new husband disliked the older one immensley and always made it clear to my SD's that they were nothing to him. Suddenly they started spending more time with us. Every second weekend turned into every week, holidays and then they all started going to the same school so we had them every day. Our daughter was born 3 years into our relationship. I was okay with the amount of time my SD's spent with us, infact I encouraged it especially as their moms new marraige lacked security. Where I had issues was with my husbands inability to allow me to take care of my girls (spoil them) when his were getting spoilt elsewhere. I have no family on my side that is there for my girls and it hurt immensley when my SD's would come to our home sporting expensive clothes or the latest toys but my girls got hand me downs. I have slowly become very resentful of the fact that I bring in 1/2 the money into my house however how it's spent has always been determined by ex and sd's. My husbands ex always took jobs that required very little of her and therefore paid very little- even though she was capable of earning more.

My children have learning difficulties and the now 12 year old started acting up and becoming rebelious, which I owe to the lack of attention they have gotten as as our lives revolved around the SD and their mom's continuous drama's. My husband was never shy to disipline my girls but could never do the same with his. I put it down to guilt and I hoped as time went on and we saw more of his girls the burden would lift. Which it hasn't, it has gotten worse and his relationship with my middle daughter got worse. It would be wrong of me to say my middle daughter is an angel- she's not. However I feel she's very misunderstood and her needs have been neglected.

I do need to tell you my husband's only 2 faults is his indiffernce to my girls at times and his nieveness to his first family. He gives 110% of himself to everyone all the time. He does everything for me and I know will do anything for me. He's a good provider and a responsible, dutiful man. People take advantage of his good nature.

We decided to immigrate 5 years ago and I was silently relieved that I would put distance between his ex and us. Not surprisingly she asked us to take my SD's with as she felt it was a better opportunity and it would get them away from their step father. This process put us further into debt which now sits at £100k with no child support from his ex. My husband's family and her family all say she struggles financially although I know she's taken a new job and it paid double what she was earning before. She has also since divorced her second husband.

Now all 5 girls live with us and the dynamic is short of world war 3. My 2 daughters are constantly trying to be on the right side of my SD's who pair off and exclude them. The only time my girls are good enough to be in their company is when there's something my SD's want from them. We struggle financially but my SD's have expensive tastes. They won't wear the unbranded clothes we buy them or hand me downs familoy gives us but then go on to plead povery to their mother and my husbands family. To give you an insight as to our financial difficulties my husbands family would give the girls second hand clothes which my daughters really appreciated but my step daughters kicked off the last time because the older one (who is overweight)got upset because the clothes fit mainly my eldest. They caused such a scene that we don't get that help anymore and worse of all when we got home my SD's gave the second hand stuff that they had claimed to charity anyway, never wearing it once.

For the most part I get on with my eldest SD but the younger one has become a big issue. I am at the point that I want to walk away from the marraige. I am depressed, over worked, drinking too much, lost my libido completely and interest in my house. Purely because of this little girl, the debt and her mother. The youngest SD said from the start she didn't want to live with us. Her mother manipulated her into doing this and somehow we have become the enemy and her mother the martyr. She makes promises to them, like flying them to see her twice this year, then breaks those promises to which we pick up the attitude. It's come to light that my SD13 is now self harming- which everyone in our family knew before we did. I found out after catching my D17 wrestling a knife from my SD13. We have said she needs to go back to her mom but we can't afford the maintenance- her mom says no because she can't afford to look after her. My SD's behaviour towards us is so negative and abusive. She's mainly fine infront of her father but when he's not around she disrespects me and mistreats my girls. There are times she shows her colour to my husband who might give her a small reprimand however, should my middle daughter do this then the consequences for her are grave.

My SD13 has shown me that my daughters and I are not part of her family and I feel I have spent 10 years of my childrens childhood trying to do right by my SD13 and it's not recognised or appreciated.

I love my husband and want to work at it. I am trying to live for my kids and him alone and get over the rejection and hurt that I feel. I know we started our relationship in the wrong way but we have more than paid our dues to my SD's and his ex. I don't know if I can carry on like this. I'm misreble, he's misreble and the kids are misreble.