Husband Doesn't Want This Baby...So Should He Have to Help Pay?????
My DH was clear that right now would be bad financial timing for a baby. Although, he never said what type of financial situation would constitute a good time, I agreed with him. I wanted to wait at least another year, but here I am...pregnant...w/o prenatal and maternity insurance. Anyway,my husband's only 2 attitudes toward me right now are indifference and...well...pretty damn mean and negative. Bills for my care are starting to roll in and I feel funny asking him to help me with this. Last week when I brought up finances, he told me he "didn't want to talk about anything regarding money". I don't have the energy to argue with him. I'm tired, stressed, nauseated, achy, emotional, angry, excited, worried, frustrated...all at the same time. And to top things off, I have to wake up every morning with HIS child and care for him because dad has to leave for work so early. Some mornings I just don't feel up to it, but I signed up for this marriage and SS so I do what I have to do. Bottom line...my husband didn't want this (neither did I RIGHT NOW) and I hate thinking that he feels like I trapped him. I'm thinking I should find a better paying job, or a third job to help pay for this on my own.
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He needs to take your
He needs to take your attitude when you say you signed up for the marraige and ss so you do what you have to. Yes, he should help pay. It will be hard and all the thigs your described. Good luck
Yikes yeah, takes 2 to
Yikes yeah, takes 2 to reproduce. I hate the constant answer of 'I dont want to fight about this' Ya know sometimes it takes a fight to solve a problem. Are you unable to qualify for any help for prenatal care?
Either way, he better get a grip and get on board with this pregnancy.
You two are married!! This is
You two are married!!
This is the strangest thing I've heard in a long time. It reads like two teenagers who have been dating a short time.
No, I don't qualify for any
No, I don't qualify for any assistance. Yeah, I feel like a pregnant teenager...lol. Right now, husband is wrapped up in little league football for SS, so everything else is a far second on his priority list. I'm not expecting him to be happy about this, but a little support would certainly take some stress off of me. To me, he's pretty much making it clear to me that this is mainly my problem...
I don't mean to be negative
I don't mean to be negative and you are pregnant now so it is a moot point BUT really - how did you 'accidentally' get pregnant? BC is 99.9% fool proof if you use it correctly ALL the time.
If you DH didn't want another child right now because he felt you weren't prepared financially I think it's pretty natural for him to feel a bit betrayed.
Sorry, I'm sure this isn't what you wanted to hear.
But now that you are pregnant he should step up and you should have no issue with asking him for half.
Great Mom...that's another
Great Mom...that's another thing. I should have included that in my initial blog. Yes, I "slipped" with my diaphragm...dh was aware of this, but I took a $50 morning pill the following morning. However, as I posted in a previous post, be advised that if you use over the counter EC (emergency contraception) when you are ovulating, it has less of a chance of working. There are other ECs that an MD can prescribe that work more effectively during ovulation. (I found this out after doing research a positive pregnancy test) So, yes, I do feel very guilty and a little embarrassed about that. I know how to keep from getting pregnant, but I didn't do it right.
At least you didn't take
At least you didn't take antibiotics without reading the paper that comes with them! Antibiotics screw up birth control. That's how I ended up pregnant with BS6months. I guess now I know to read the paper that comes with my medicine. What a way to learn it, huh? lol.
I really hope your DH steps up and helps you with this. Going through a pregnancy feeling alone is the worst feeling ever.
Hee, hee, that's where my
Hee, hee, that's where my DD11 came from
Good ol' antibiotics. Gotta
Good ol' antibiotics. Gotta love em.
--->I don't mean to be
--->I don't mean to be negative and you are pregnant now so it is a moot point BUT really - how did you 'accidentally' get pregnant? BC is 99.9% fool proof if you use it correctly ALL the time.<---
Maybe this statement just hit me the wrong way, but you were "negative" with the OP about using BC "correctly ALL the time" yet state you got pregnant while on BC and antibiotics?
Sorry, I just had to point this out. The OP needs support, not someone making a statement about "responsibility"
IMHO.
He is your husband.
He is your husband. Regardless of whether or not he wanted a child, you two are married and you are pregnant. He needs to let go of his misplaced anger and be supportive of you, emotionally, spiritually, financially or otherwise. You are his FAMILY. His WIFE. Of course he should help pay. Its his child and you are his wife. Accidents happen. I was concieved on two types of birth control and my parents were not planning to get pregnant. My father didn't throw a temper tantrum. These things happen. See if a male relative or friend can talk to him. His behaviour is deplorable and frankly he should be ashamed.
Depo Provera has a failure
Depo Provera has a failure rate of .3% and Diaphragm/spermicide is a whopping 16%. Yes, absolutely, unwanted pregnancy can and certainly does happen, even nowadays.
Allinall, good luck with your pregnancy and your baby when he or she arrives!
My original post was simply to 'defend' his reaction a bit, not to take a shot at your birth control efficacy. He may be feeling pressured right now. He said he wasn't ready so it would be a natural reaction. He'll come around! I thought I might react that way too if I were a guy. No offence to you at all. Millions and millions of babies are born every year and a good portion of them aren't planned. Mother Nature has her way with us all
Of course you should talk to him and have him contribute to your pregnancy expenses! You are in this together!
your health dept might have
your health dept might have some help for you. He uhhh is not being a good husband right now.... sorry.
No, he's not being very good
No, he's not being very good right now. So stressed out...I'm breaking out in hives...lol. You know, I have cared for him and his child and supported them both. I put up with his slack discipline with his some and his lazy attitude about putting BM in her place. I cook, I clean up behind them both and nurse them both when they're sick. I don't get any "thank-yous" no "happy step-mom" day cards...nothing. But when shit gets thick on my end, you treat me like nothing?!?!????? At this point, it's not even about the money...I could use some support!!! Shoot a smile in my direction every once in a while, call to just say "hi" during the day...just stop treating me like some stranger on street that may ask for something if you look them in the eye.lol Maybe he does really feel betrayed....
Can you spend some time with
Can you spend some time with your parents? A relative? Close friend?
Only one way to find out =
Only one way to find out = talk to him. Tell him how you feel and ask him to be honest with you about how he feels. From your description you both tried to ensure a pregnancy didn't happen so he can't blame you.
I think men often feel a HUGE sense of responsibility towards their wives and children. You really are in this together but the difference between you and him is that YOU are pregnant. That comes with a load of emotions and physical changes. You NEED some support, you need to feel loved and cared for! Of course!
Is this your first biological child?
What does he want, you to
What does he want, you to serve and tend to HIS kid and bring in money for HIS kid and god forbid, accident or not, have a child of your own together? Someone needs to kick his butt, and I wish it could be me.
If he doesn't want a child,
If he doesn't want a child, he should not have unprotected sex. Period.
Even the best birth control has room for error!!! takes a guy to think otherwise.
I am furious for you. You are NOT some stranger off the street, you are his legal wife???
HE is too stressed out? obsessed with little league sports???
When I get that mad, I would just completely shut down and not talk to him. F*CK him. Tell him so!!!!
Say guess what, this is your child whether you like it or not, and you can help pay for it now, or you can still pay for it via child support for the next 18 years. MF!!!!!!!!
I don't know if it is too late to stop this baby. But if it is not, or you don't want to, don't do it!!!! I feel sorry for this poor child, rejected in the womb????
HUGS honey - he is just being an ass. Cuss him out, then don't talk to him until he sees the light. Men!!
My dd 16 is an antibiotic
My dd 16 is an antibiotic baby and was the greatest surprise to happen to me, your his wife and together or single he still has a financial responsibility to you and the baby. From what I think I read from you before you've wanted a baby just not right now is that correct? Go to your local health dept ask about care options that might be more affordable, keep applying for medicaid if your not insured or don't have maternity insurance, then appeal, bang down doors to get the care you need, and look for a job regardless of what women think yes you can get hired while pregnant I have and I've hired pregnant people but you know what by law you don't have to tell a prospective employer your pregnant.
Love and hugs to you I know it's hard and harder still when the man you love turns on you like your DH has.
Thanks for the support...Lord
Thanks for the support...Lord knows I'm not getting any at home. Lalena, thanks for saying that. I have been BEATING the pavement for new work. I'm hopeful that it will happen soon. I was denied medicaid, but I'm going to talk to the director first thing tomorrow.