OT - Would you call this Smart?
Your parent is coming to pick you up after school. All the other students are outside, waiting for their parents to come pick them up, but you stay inside the building.
She tells you to wait outside next time. Next time, you stand outside waiting. The street in front of the school that your parent will be coming down is a one way street. You stand looking in the opposite direction from where all the cars are coming from. Not once do you glance in the direction where cars are coming from.
You set your alarm clock for 6:00. Your parent tells you to make sure you set it for AM. Next morning the alarm doesn't go off. That afternoon at 6:00PM, your alarm clock rings. You still don't understand why your alarm didn't go off that morning.
You received some ear buds from someone for Christmas. Your parent tells you to write a thank you note.
Here is the note you wrote:
"Dear So and So.
Thank you for the photo album."
Your parent points out to you that first of all, it was not a photo album, it was a picture frame and secondly that was not given to you, it was given to her.
:?
These are all things my DD16 has done. I complained about these things on another forum and I said I don't understand why my D16 does all these stupid things. Almost everyone that replied said these things weren't stupid. Mind you, I never call D16 stupid, but I can't help thinking to myself "What is she thinking? IS she thinking?"
I also said she does a half a$$ job on the dishes. All she has to do is clear the table off, load the dishwasher and wipe the counters off. But she always misses a pot on the stove, or she forgets to wipe the table off. Every morning I come down stairs and find something she didn't put away the night before, like an opened can of food, or a dirty plate, or something like that.
They said that I should not expect someone that has ADHD to do ALL the dishes. They said people with ADHD have a hard time doing things that aren't interesting and doing the dishes probably isn't interesting to her and that's why she does a poor job at it.
They advised that if she doesn't do the dishes properly I should either change my approach or just accept her the way she is. And that I should find something else for her to do.
I said what about when she gets a job? She can't pick and choose which assignments she can do and she can't do a half a$$ job either. No boss is going to say "Oh you have ADHD, that's okay you only did half the work."
One poster said I am going to have to accept my daughter is NOT ready for many of the responsibilities I am placing on her. Some of them, she might never be ready for. And that it doesn't matter, in the long run. When she gets a job, she can get something that's interesting for her so she'll be motivated to do a good job.
Really? At 16 years old I should just except that my daughter does a half a$$ job on the dishes?
And I'm sorry, but NO job is 100% interesting 100% of the time. Just because she doesn't find something interesting does not mean she can do a pi$$ poor job on it.
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It was a ADHD forum.
It was a ADHD forum. Granted, I know she has ADHD, but she also takes medication for it. I can buy that there are some things she struggles with and that she forgets more than the average person, but I can't buy that because something isn't that interesting you can do a half a$$ job on it.
Every man I've ever dated
You know I hate that people
You know I hate that people say "Oh I have ADHD" when they really don't have it. Just makes it that harder for people that really do have it to be taken seriously.
I'm not saying you can use ADHD as an excuse, but you have to work around it just like any other weakness.
I hope the parents on that
I hope the parents on that ADD/ADHD site have good jobs and no plans on retiring. Because with that attitude they will be supporting their children forever.
I work retail. I hire many 18-20 year olds. I also fire them. I will spell it out. I did not hire them to have emotions. I hired them to preform a function. They are not doing me a favor, I AM PAYING THEM. I do not care if they are sad, depressed, ADD/ADHD etc.
A job is a contract, the worker comes in, does the assigned job and in return gets paid. If they have problems doing the assigned job I will fire them. Because I am not paying someone to stand around and do nothing, nor am I holding their hand. There are tons of people who come in every day to apply. That special snowflake, well they are a dime a dozen. Oh and the first time mommy or daddy call me to talk/yell/persuade about their child's job- well that is grounds for termination, if you are not adult enough to handle your own issues I cannot employ you. I am also not going to be chewed out by your parents-oh hell no.
ADD/ADHD are not an excuse they are an obstacle to be overcome. We are ruining our future. Children are never taught to be adults anymore. People just think that magically at age 18 they will be bestowed with adult like wisdom and maturity. Bullshit. If you do not teach them from BIRTH things like responsibility, empathy, consequences, compassion, they will never learn them.
Let her dad know that as an employer I don't care about anyone's 'personal issues.' She will get no special attention, or special actions to accommodate her. If she cannot do the job she will be fired. ADD/ADHD will not be taken into consideration. You either perform or you are out the door. I do not have time to coddle adults.
"ADD/ADHD are not an excuse
"ADD/ADHD are not an excuse they are an obstacle to be overcome."
Thank you!
It's like any other weakness. You KNOW you have this weakness, so WORK AROUND IT! Write yourself lists, listen and take the advice other people give you to that will help you.
Everyone was like, so what she doesn't do the dishes well? Find something else for her to do.
I was like, um, no one gets to pick and choose what parts of a job they want to do. Yeah, doing the dishes may not be that interesting, but life isn't always interesting. There is NO job that is 100% interesting 100% of the time.
As a person with ADD, I say
As a person with ADD, I say that it's a reason for the shoddy job, but not an excuse. She needs to push past it. And you're right to make her. That's the only bad thing I can say about my own mother; she didn't push me hard enough when it came to cleaning and such. As a result, I still really struggle with it as an adult.
I try to be patient and
I try to be patient and understanding with her, but after a while you just have to put your foot down and say, Look, your bedroom doesn't have to be perfect, but you do have to do the dishes perfectly.
If the dishes aren't clean, I have nothing to cook with. If I can't cook, we all suffer because we're hungry, but we're waiting on DD to wash the dishes, so I can cook, so everyone can eat.
Thank you!
Thank you!
"They will fire her" That's
"They will fire her"
That's what I said! Someone on the ADHD forum said they trade jobs with someone or pay someone to do something for them.
Um, you can't always trade jobs, and you can't always afford to pay someone to do something for you.
I told D16 she is NOT living at home after 18 because she can't keep a job. If she gets laid off, that's a different story, but I'm not babying her because she can't figure out a way to cope with her disability!
I wonder if something like
I wonder if something like the flylady.net system would help her? It's basically making everything into 1-2-3 routines. I don't have ADHD but I am very impulsive and easily distracted, so I often return to that system when I'm feeling chaotic or overwhelmed.
Check out the website, but ultimately, she's responsible for her progress. I think she's young enough that you can coach her to find a solution that works for her, but old enough to understand that the bottom line is - do it right for positive consequences and do it incorrect/incomplete for negative consequences.
Thanks, I'll check it out!
Thanks, I'll check it out!
"I'm thinking also that if
"I'm thinking also that if she's on medication, then there shouldn't be these problems. How is a person on medication and yet the ADD/ADHD behaviors still apply?"
That's what I'm wondering!
I don't think she's being rebellious, that's not her personality, I think it's probably laziness that's the problem. And I'm NOT letting her play the "I have ADHD" card. I am NOT about to let her off the hook, nobody else in life is going to.
"It's possible you're still viewing her and still dealing with her as 9 year old child with ADD/ADHD or a 12 year old."
Funny you should say that, on the ADHD forum, they say to view a child as 2/3 their age. They told me I am expecting TOO much of her!
Well, I finally had it. I got up Monday morning, came downstairs, and there were all sorts of things that she hadn't put away from the night before. I took her iphone away and she is not getting it back. I have a prepaid that she can use for emergencies. I've given her one too many chances, and I am fed up with it. If expecting her to do the dishes correctly most of the time is being unrealistic, then so be it!
Some of it, like the looking
Some of it, like the looking the wrong way, I would do myself. I have dyscalculia, (the math version of dyslexia) and can't tell left from right, north from south, I have to think carefully reading an analog clock, get lost doing the hokey-pokey... it can be pretty confusing to be me (or to go anywhere with me).
But the not finishing the job on the kitchen? That's teenager laziness and getting away with the least amount of work to avoid a negative consequence.