Driving me nuts at the moment and xmas is coming
Hey all ! Something that's starting to drive me a bit nuts at the moment .
As you know over the last period of time the skids have slowly stopped speaking to me- it was transitional so I didn't notice at first. Initially come down hard on the partner resulted in hi and bye and if I was the only adult in the house they would let me know where they were going. That's fine there are not mine and I don't really need to have a lot to do with them as there not small any more. Slowly I had pulled myself away from doing anything with them and insisted my partner did it all- after all they missed my partner so much right ? (See my last blog)
Partner and I both work long shifts and I beat him home last Thursday. There had been a car crash on the roads so he was stuck behind it in bumper to bumper traffic. I had actually being finished a while but had gone to a cafe had tea bought the new Karen rose book (it was awesome) wandered through some stores before I started back for the house. I didn't factor in the car crash in front of him obv as he should have beat me home. He asked would I pick up the kids from the minder who lives around the corner (about five min walk) as he was gonna be stuck- went around and collected as I figured this was an emergency and a bit of help can go a long way
When he got home the following ensured
D: how was the day for the kids?
Me: minder said they were okay
D: what did they tell you
Me: nothing
D:at all?
Me: nope
D: they said nothing at all?
Me: nope. Not even hello
D; did you say hello to them
Me: of course I did!
With that he took himself down stairs and demanded to know why they didn't and sent them to bed early as punishment. He told me after they have promised to say hi and bye and make conversation - while hi and bye has occurred nothing else has been forth coming
However he had now started back into the you should do this and that with them stuff full throttle. You should help skid girl do her nails. You should take them off somewhere or over to mc Donald's etc etc. I have told him before I don't mind taking people who talk to me places but will not be taking silent people places. But for now this silence is on his radar so he is trying to find ways to fix it but those ways drive me nuts!!!!
I am not doing anything with them. I am not taking them anywhere. There grand parents will arrive in 3 weeks and then they won't see me until January thank goodness
It's just a bad time of the year for this to start up. I love to bake and do a lot around this time of the year- I know he is going to try to force them on me and I don't want sullen silent children running my thing !
Eugh I know I just need to wait it out but right now it's driving me nuts
Also concerned that if I don't include them I will get well no wonder they won't talk to you - you won't do xyz with them
Rant over!
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Comments
I will never understand why
I will never understand why parents feel the need to make their kids interact with any adult, stepparent included.
My SSs have gone through silent phases where the only time they talk Is when they are asked questions. They would prefer silence, and while that isn't always appropriate, I won't go out of my way to make them talk. Neither will DH.
Stay strong and have a conversation ender with your DH. "DH, your children and I are perfectly happy with the relationship e have with one another, and I will not spoil it. If silence means peace, then silence is what we'll have. If you don't like it, you can fix it with them. Otherwise, I will continue on and will.be happy to include them in activities again if they genuinely want to be included." Wash, rinse, repeat.
I think as Bio parents we
I think as Bio parents we just feel bad when our kids arent respectful or friendly to our SO.
The way I grew up in the Caribbean we were taught from young to "respect your elders" so for us its uncanny for a child not to be respectful...this has been a battle in my house with BD and DH...since my husband is also from the Caribbean grew up in a strict household and also served in the military (yikes the "respect"combos)
I've seen first hand how them just having no communication can actually be wayyyyy better than "fake" communication.
Sounds like he wants them to
Sounds like he wants them to treat you better but really does not have enough influence to make that happen. You are right to stay clear of the drama, no talking is no talking, you are kind and personable when they are; you are not-when they are not.
Do not let him turn the tables on you because he is unable to change their behavior and is a frustrated daddeeee. Not your monkeys and not your circus---all his, his problem, not yours; I have to remind mine occasionally, but I do see how I would not want to own up to their disgusting self centered behavior as a parent; seriously embarrassing.
pfft remain disengaged, if
pfft remain disengaged, if you love baking you do not need to share it with them and you tell DH, this is my way of relaxing and now you want to force your children to join me, neither of us will enjoy it and I will not relax, thus NO...
if he tells you no wonder they are ignoring you, smile and say it takes 2 to tango Hon, not only one person and I will not force myself onto your children, if they do not want to acknowledge me it's fine by me, I respect their decision and I will not bother them... (see how you can turn this back to them without accusations...)