Spend or not?
As you know my partner has two kids, the lovely ss who is 9 and the bloated ego sd who is seven. Engaged with ss not with sd.
What I want to know is how far do I push disengagement? For example last week we all went out pub lunch . Soccer match is on my team are playing. I want to watch. Partner has taken kids to playground in the morning but has said he would take them back after lunch. Tons of kids in the place we were in running around. Ss wants to watch match too. He has gotten into team through me
At half time sd starts the whinging about wanting playground I ignore and partner eventually says we have to go. I say nope I am watching second half match off you pop if you need too. Collect me on way back. He gets upset as this will be an hour drive up and back. I say he can either wait 45 mins for match to end or he can go off for 45 mins and come back. I dug my heels in and he took her off.
When match over ss and I ring for lift - he can't come yet to pick us up cause sd will now not leave playground. In the end because it was getting dark and cold, ss and I got taxi. It cost 20 euro, which I think is about 25 dollars.
Should I have waited partner out or spend the money on taxi?
Also I have to say I felt a bit bratty digging my heels in so much about staying in the pub to watch the match. Felt almost like I was coming down to sd level.
Be interested in thoughts and ideas of this
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Comments
I think you both did the
I think you both did the right thing. :?
Dragging a 7 year old a pub to watch a soccer match sounds awful. I'm surprised the kid lasted as long as she did. Dad taking her to the park while you and SS finished watching to game was a smart move. However, he did mess up when wouldn't leave to pick the two of you up because the girl was still playing.
To be fair, they had been in
To be fair, they had been in playground already an hour that morning and there were tons of kids in the pub running around and playing together. It was suggested she go play with these, other kids had asked if they wanted to play or that they could have a special treat of Coke and crisps.
My parents would have taken me to the pub for matches when we were that age, we brought a packet of goodies from home and all the kids in the pub played together so I honestly see nothing wrong with that at all. But maybe that is just my life experience
That's exactly what I am
That's exactly what I am worried about. I have told him before that if the teen years become a battlefield I will be gone so he better make sure he is in control now. After this weekend, I don't think he really is.
I am doing a modified
I am doing a modified disengagement... enough to make me feel better while not sabotaging my relationship.
In the end, I want to still have a partnership with my DH... so I find ways to diesengage from BM, MIL and one SKID, without disengaging from DH.
It's a fine line.
I'm with you and SS finishing
I'm with you and SS finishing watching "your" team at the pub. DH and SD spending 45 min window-shopping or playing at a park is a good compromise. DH choosing not to enforce SD leaving in a timely manner to pick you two up is not cool. This is his son whom he is ditching not just you.
Setting that aside, I don't think that there is a feasible way to split the kids and engage/disengage at will. Good luck.
That's what I thought too!!!
That's what I thought too!!! And I am sure ss did as well cause he was like where is dad?
That's a good idea alright. I
That's a good idea alright. I may give it a try. I just hate to have to compromise things esp when they have been to playground and every accomdatoon is made for them in general.
We ate dinner thru the first 45 mins so I don't think it would have been much to stay for the next part. Bleugh. Why do I do this to myself?
No honestly your idea is good and I will deffo suggest it the next time I am down with them !
See I don't know. My view is
See I don't know. My view is obv off kilter with this one. As I said my parents every Saturday would have brought us to the pub. Lots of other families there. You got your Coke and crisps or brought goodies from home and all the kids played together in the pub.
So I have a different experience pattern maybe
Anyways thanks for the advice as always , much appreciated - it's hard to step outside your own view point and see other sides. It's especially hard with sd cause she can make my blood boil
Thanks everyone for the
Thanks everyone for the replies and different perspectives. I really appreciate the different view points
He should have told the brat
He should have told the brat to STFU and wait because her stepmother is watching a game. I would throw the biggest shit fit in the world, make him thoroughly regret the decision to give in to his brat instead of prioritizing his partner's wishes.
You win the "most SANE
You win the "most SANE reponse" award!! no way should a kid ever call the shots to a grown up period dot.
No parent should hage to make
No parent should hage to make their kid miserable in order to make their spouse feel like she/he is the priority. Complying with such ridiculous expectations is sick.
Dad's decision to take his kid to the park did not prevent the OP from doing what she wanted to do.
Just a comment for the OP:
Just a comment for the OP: It's a good idea when you're not from the US to mention that a bit more, and explain as best you can the cultural differences. Though tbh I think you did, but maybe not emphatically enough.
For example, a soccer game is ALWAYS over on time. (Unless it's a cup game, usually.) So 45 minutes was a sure thing for the game to end, not like for hockey or baseball.
Going to a pub is *not* the same thing as going to a bar. If kids are allowed in, it's set up for kids to be there.
Going to a pub is social, in some cities people head down to the pub instead of hanging out in their own living room. Not about drinking, about socializing and community.