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what to do???

anie99's picture

Hi,
I'm in need of advice. I have been a SM for 3 yrs already to a 3 yr old (4 this month). The relationship with the BM is always drama. My husband and I have tried to be there as much as possible. We have my ss every other weekend. We have had situation where we go pick him up and she doesn't want to hand him over (we have had to call the cops) or she says to my husband "He doesn't want to go with you" and hands my ss in underwear and without shoes a lot of the times. A few months back my ss had stopped crying when we picked him up and now recently has started crying again. He has told my in laws "papa is bad" saying my husband is bad. Which is not true because he has a lot of fun when he is with us. We are not sure what's going on if the BM is putting stuff in his head. Yesterday, we picked him up and she told my husband that the Pre-school teacher said my ss does not socialize with other kids. She has told my husband more than once that she is going to take my ss to a psychologist to see why he doesn't want to come with us (which we wouldn't mind but she hasn't taken him). Yesterday,when we picked him up my ss has a busted lip and when we got home I asked what had happened to his lip and he said "momma hit me" we asked a second time and he said he "I hit" a little scared. Then we asked again later on and he said his grandma hit him. We ended up filing a report. We try ed to asked the mother but she did not answer the phone. We don't know what to do. Please give advice.

Comments

anie99's picture

No she did not take him back to dress him she had my husband waiting 10 minutes @ the door waiting for him and she still didnt dress him. She just gave a backpack with clothes. But she knows he is going to get picked up. We have been doing this for 3 yrs why doesnt she have him clean and dressed. We recently started taking pictures and addressing everything in letter.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Don't wait for the backpack with clothes. Have about 5 outfits at your house. That should be plenty for every other weekend. Arrive with one outfit in the car.

As soon as you see him at the door in his skivvies, say loudly, "Oh! Little sweetie, how odd to be on the porch with no clothes! Don't worry!!! Daddy has clothes for you, you'll feel better when you have proper clothes on -- THANKS TO DADDY."

I doubt she will pull naked boy trick on you again.

Also eliminates waiting for her to pack him. After 2 years of marriage those wheelie suitcases rolling across my floor made me like a cat on a hot tin roof. Dh suddenly decided to get clothes at our house and stopped the suitcases coming over. It then became clear what an enormous source of power and messaging that "packing for dad's house" thing is. What a freaking relief to take the plug right out of it.

Everyone's happier without the packing, especially me.

You did the right thing reporting the fat lip. Pay close attention to every mark on his body.

twoviewpoints's picture

Agree with the clothes. Sure it cost a bit, but no need for tons. Best part? Dad gets say in what kid looks like for the weekend. No telling what too small/large, stained, mismatched items lurk in a bag packed by a uncooperative BM.

With this poor child arriving in underwear with a split lip, also perfect chance to exam him for any other injuries. It doesn't leave any room for 'he didn't have that when he left BM's '.

anie99's picture

We always have clothes for him at home and take him a pair when we pick him up. We even gave her some clothes so that he could use when we pick him up and she doesn't even use it. Is just the idea of her handing him dirty and in underarm that makes me mad.