OT - Forgive AND Forget

Hi all. MidWestMrs here visiting with Aniki. Shes still sick but feeling better - hopes to be back at work next week but probbly half days. She ask me to thank you all for the get well wishes and concern and she misses stalk!! She's talking, I'm writing........

Forgive and Forget. That's a hard one for me. I have always found it in my heart to forgive. Sure there are times it take me longer to forgive, but I manage to do it for my peace of mind.

Forget? Oh, hell no. I can't do that. I will NEVER forget. While I can bring myself to forgive the awful things people have done to me I will never, repeat NEVER allpw myself to forget. FOrgetting it means I'm opneing myself up to you doing that to me again. That would be terrbily stupid of me.

How about you, stalkers? Can you forgive? Do you ever forget?? Sending love to all of you.

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Tell Aniki we love her!!! She

Tell Aniki we love her!!! She's fantastic!!!

Also I forgive but I don't forget. I firmly believe in that i can forgive (though I admit some take longer than others), but that not forgiving is going to weigh heavier on yourself than on the other person. However I don't forget. i remember, and there's no way I'm going to let it happen again. I have a long memory, and I think when someone shows you how they are it's best to believe them. Just because you forgive someone, doesn't mean they've changed, and definitley doesn't mean you shouldn't expect the same again if they get an opportunity. So forgiving is for my peace of mind, but NOT forgetting is to take care of myself.

Too many people DO NOT CHANGE

Too many people DO NOT CHANGE. BUt they miss you and want you back becasue THEY need YOU for their own sick reasons.

Some things are unforgivable.

Some things are unforgivable. For me anyway.

Small things, yes. Big ones, nope.

Get better!

Thanks!

Past is Prologue

I can't forget! Especially the patterns. Habitual lying. Habitual sneaking. Habitual, deeply-ingrained laziness.

Nothing changes if nothing changes, right?

RIGHT. Forgetting is foolish.

I second this!

Get back Aniki!

PLEASE pass on to Aniki---WE

PLEASE pass on to Aniki---WE miss youuuuuuuuuuu and please take care of YOU. Looking forward to her return.

Thanks!

Depends on the situation. I

Depends on the situation. I have forgiven and not forgotten. I think I may have also not forgiven but I have the ability to just cut people and my emotions for them out of my life.

During the victim impact statements, my friends father put it this way "I do not hate you, I can't hate you because that emotion would destroy my heart, but I do not and will not forgive you and you made it impossible for me to forget......."

I try not to hold grudges, but there is one person I cannot forgive but I will not let it ruin my life.

Does that make sense? LOL

Hugs and well wishes to Aniki!!!

Yes that makes perfect sense.

Ani says maybe forgive is not really the best word but Not Letting THem Rent Space In Your Head is to bloody long!!

Thanks!

LOL She is correct! Noone

LOL She is correct! Noone rents space in my head. No room

Def no room!! Ani has OCD -

Def no room!! Ani has OCD - her heads too filled up with other stuff to let buttheads rent space. Its not NYC!! lol

Forgive yes, forget

Forgive yes, forget practically never. You have to really make a difference with me for me to forget. I have left alot of people behind in my life, just cut them out, and moved on.

Miss you girl, good to see your name around here again though

Sure you cut them out of your

Sure you cut them out of your life. WHen they do horrible things to you why do you let them stick around to do more?? Becasue most of them NEVER change. NEVER. They just find new victims when the old ones walk away.

Ani says she misses you too. SHes still real tired but at least not coughing up her lungs anymore!!

Glad she's doing better, give

Glad she's doing better, give her a good long platonic hug from me !

Major, Ani ask what kind of

Major, Ani ask what kind of lifesavers are in your pocket?

Her favorite of course !!!!!!

Her favorite of course !!!!!!!

Trouble Maker !

Aniki says.....

My exh was a gaslighter and mental abuser. He finally snapped and beat the hell out of me. It took me many years but I finally forgave him. He NEVER said he was sorry - we all know he was'nt - and blamed me. For MAKING him beat me but mostly for escaping and him loosing his personal punching bag.

And when i say years I do mean YEARS. Even after he came back and attackd me and tried to kill me. NOt saying what he did was okay. It was NOT. He's sick. Mentally. There were lots of warning signs but i was too ignorent and didn't realize what was happening until it was too late. I know NOW. Hindsite is 20-20 right?

What he did to me was bloody awful and it was hard but I forgave him. I had to do it for me. To give myself peace. Yes he's sick. He's a sick piece of shit. But I'm not going to let him rent space in my head. I feel like I paid the price for my ignorence and its over and done now. Damn if I will let him rent space in my head dwelling on it the rest of my life.

About forgive and forget.

Not so fast is my position.

IF someones tells me,,,"I am so sorry I did xyz, I know what did was hurtful, I wont do it again, can you forgive me'......sure of course.

BUT to automatically forgive without being asked...ARE you crazy? NOPE NOPE NOPE

Most of us have seen people on TV who's family loved one was killed...within seconds they are on TV saying "I FORGIVE the murderer".......Really?

They usually tie their religion to their comment....

Must have been Gods Plan.... don't think God wanted someone to kill anyone. He probably begged him/her to DON'T DO IT>

No no no, not automatically

No no no, not automatically forgive. Crazy, yes. Stupid, NO!!

ANd maybe its their religion but for me it would awfully damn hard to forgive somoen for murdering my loved one. Maybe they are saying that by wrote but do they actually believe that in their heart/head??

I actually have been able to

I actually have been able to forgive and FORGET. But I can only forget when the person has been 100% removed from my life permanent - and only after 2 or 3 decades.

2 or 3 decades....sounds

2 or 3 decades....sounds exactly right!!

When wrong is done to me, I

When wrong is done to me, I can forgive. I never forget. It took me several years but I forgave my exH for being a horrible alcoholic that destroyed everything. HOWEVER he is sorry. So sorry. So many times he's said he's sorry and you can tell the guilt eats away at him 24/7. He's now sober and raising our son to be a great young man. I guess forgiveness was a lot easier when they're sorry.

I've forgiven my narcissistic mother for how she is and what she did to ME. I forgave my parents long ago for being, well, not great parents. I believe they did the best they knew how to do.

What my "family" did to my son? Well, there's no forgiving IMO. Right or wrong, the mama bear in me just can't do it. None of them are sorry either. Just sorry they got caught. It's just too sick to me. Your own immediate flesh and blood. I just can't. The surface anger is gone and I can talk about it without wanting to stab something. Forgiveness will never come.

Whether it's a weakness or a flaw I have definitely discovered that there is a limit to my ability to forgive.