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OT - Woman Wednesday

Aniki's picture

Yes, men are welcome, too! 

I don't know how things are going for the rest of you, but this week is officially the sixth month I've been working from home. Ugh. The commute is GREAT! Other things? Not so much. Countless, overly long zooms; a single monitor when my workstation has two; no ability to print; working longer to compensate for connection lags... I've even been spending my commute time WORKING. 

Add to that the feeling of failure as I have accomplished absolutely NOTHING extra during this time. No new language, no new skill (knitting or crocheting was on my list), no closet reorganization, no house upgrades (the kitchen remains unpainted)... 

Yesterday, we learned that we will be WFH the rest of the year. The.Year. Three more months. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!! I actually felt panicky that things will get WORSE at home. Pretty darn silly since I haven't stopped doing the usual stuff and the house is in just as good shape as it was 6 months ago. But 3 more months of these multiple-times-a-day bloody zooms. 

I've been downright cranky with a touch of psycho. And... I've been talking shite to me for months now - calling myself useless, a failure - I've been ruthless and brutal. Which is ridiculous. The fact of the matter is that this has been a crap 6 months. The yo-yoing of opening up/closing back down; concern about loved ones getting sick; fires, hurricanes, rioting, violence... Holy crap on a cracker! We're going through a trying time and not everyone has the ability of turning a pandemic into something fun or productive.

Well then. Last night I made the decision that I need to stop beating myself up and be nicer to myself. 

I made myself a lovely meal and served it up on an actual plate - not paper. I used real silverware. I poured wine into one of my rarely used, fancy wineglasses. I put on some classical music, grabbed a book, and sat at the table to eat - not my recliner with a tray. It was one of the nicest meals I've had in months and I actually felt RELAXED instead of tense. For the first time in forever, I was asleep when DH came home. What a refreshing change!

We tell people who are going through a difficult time, "Be gentle with yourself." I forgot that means me, too. 

So use the good china. Open that bottle of wine you've been saving. Burn that special scented candle. Eat that piece of cake. Spray on the $$$ perfume you've been saving. Be Gentle With Yourself.


Please share something positive. An inspirational quote; an uplifting poem; an upbeat song... Something nice you've done for someone who is down - especially if that someone is yourself. 

Peace and self-love, STalkers! *give_rose*


advice.only2's picture

I have been teaching BD14 to cook. She knows the basics, but when it comes to more involved stuff I usually just do it because I'm a complete control freak.

So this has been nice. I tell BD what to do and she preps and cooks while I sit at the counter. We talk about our day and get to spend some time just enjoying each other with out any interruptions.

I know she's enjoying it because she has been bragging to DH and BS and her friends that she's been cooking dinner. I figure this weekend we can work on baking.

Aniki's picture

That's great! Teaching BD and bonding over something you both enjoy. I would love to be in the kitchen with my Mom again. Smile

queensway's picture

Here is a quote I love, "Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go". Look forward to the show the earth puts on for us in the fall. Have that glass of wine outside while listening to music on a cool crisp autumn day. When things get us down it is getting back to the basic things that bring us up again.

1dad4kids's picture

About 2 months ago we decided to hire cleaners. About 2 weeks ago my daughter started pre k. 

My son (14 months old) naps while my daughter is at Pre-K. The cleaners are here and my son is napping and my daughter is at Pre-K and the only area the cleaners don't do is my bedroom (privacy issues lol) so I'm confined here with nothing to do but sit in bed and watch a show. 

Being forced to relax. Less than 3 weeks until the baby is due, this kind of forced relaxation is so, so nice. 

This is a very, very enjoyable Wednesday for me so far Smile

Aniki's picture

1d4k, when the baby comes, I bet you'll be sooooo happy to have those cleaners. Enjoy that relaxation! *give_rose*

1dad4kids's picture

Yes, I started to get pregnancy related back pain and things like floors and scrubbing were basically impossible. It was too much for DH to pick up the slack alone especially since I was hardly able to lift my baby if my back hurt so he was having to work, clean, cook and take care of the kids. 

The cleaners have been so nice. Saves extra back pain and gives me and DH more time. 

We originally planned to keep them just for my pregnancy but have since decided that it's a good investment regardless.

DPW's picture

Good for you. You deserve it.

I learnt early on in our new covid world to CHILL. I simply cannot take on more stress. I do not have the capacity and I refuse to make room for it. I don't feel guity for doing what I want to do as long as it's positive and self-care related. 

Aniki's picture

Thank you, DPW. It took some convincing and I had to push back the guilt. You are so right - we should NOT feel guilty about self-care! *kiss2*

DPW's picture

You gals on ST helped me with this in early covid times. I was falling apart and doing everything wrong and you all grounded me. Thanks!!!

Gimlet's picture

I am very glad to hear you're taking it easy on your wonderful self.

I'm struggling daily at this point.  I have melancholic tendancies and there's a lot to be bummed about these days.  We just have to keep swimming.

This might sound perverse, but on my really bad days I think about how vast the universe is and how all of this is just a flash in time.  No matter how badly we humans are f*cking things up, it's all insignificant.   I don't think I could handle the heartbreak otherwise.

Aniki's picture

Dear Gimmy, I am right there with you - struggling daily. I'm trying to keep my head above water. 

I have very little contact with the world outside of STalk (no FB or twitter or instagram), so it can be a bit lonely. Especially when I read/watch the news and see all of the tragedies/atrocities happening. You are one of my shining stars. {{{HUGS}}}

Merry's picture

"Women will have achieved true equality when men share with them the responsibility of bringing up the next generation." Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Note the word "share." It's not "help."

CLove's picture

While my outter world has gotten super small - no live music, no street festivals, no big family dinners, no family dinners at all, no gatherings with friends, a friends death, fires raging all around, not being able to breathe, or hike or even walk around the block (until recently), no traveling, no road tripping. So, Ive decided to expand my inner life.

I bought a crystal gazing/meditation ball. I journalise. I bought some tarot cards for meditations on my inner struggles and letting go, and where next talks with myself. Ive been taking baths. Ive grown my nails and do my own mani-pedis as part of self-care inner expansion. Ive started writing stories again to help explore deeper places that are sometimes scary. I self-talk and conciously make it positive self-talk.

I facebook a lot and enjoy this avenue of relating to friends and family.

I am celebrating Fall in new ways. So, as the light glow dims to winter darkness, Im ever-expanding innerly.

Aniki's picture

CLove, that's wonderful! I love how you're creating! Nail art, writing... positive outlets and forms of expression. You go, girl! *yahoo*

futurobrillante99's picture

Well, I'm not sure if it's uplifting, but Mother Nature came calling on Sunday. I'm nearly 54 and my doctor said I was probably IN the change. She tried to talk me out of an IUD because "at your age...." Well, that biotch mother nature brought Aunt Flo like it was revenge for me blocking nature since 2017. I was on the pill and never took the placebos. When my BP went up late last year and earlier this year, the dr. took me off the pill like "let's see what happens. You're probably done." Thankfully, she let me have me the IUD or I might be one of those late in life mommas you hear about.

Sooooo, I was NOT happy when it showed up Sunday.........on vacation with my son. I had to scramble to get supplies - the super duper kind. Ugh.

But then I thought to myself.................awwww, I'm still fertile. And felt very much......comforted......that I'm still capable of making people. LOL It would probably be a mutant at this late stage, but still.

Now that the warm feeling has passed, this better be a last hurrah. I'm going on a 2 week road trip with BF in 2 weeks and I can't be bothered with this nonsense!! LOL

So happy fall. I hope this "last gasp" of my womb is a celebration of things "letting go."


Aniki's picture

this "last gasp" of my womb 

I snorked water up my nose! *lol* Never thought I'd say it, but enjoy Aunt Flo's visits while you can. My hot flashes feel like I could fry an egg on my skin. Ugh!

Enjoy your road trip, darlin'. Stay safe!

futurobrillante99's picture

Oh honey, I've HAD the hot flashes. I thought I was done, too. I know it's an old wive's tale, but I saw my 27 year old daughter in early August. That girl has some powerful hormones and from the day she got her period, hers affected mine. I swear, she must have had estrogen spilling off of her and woke up one of my damn ovaries. The timing is just about right and I remember thinking I hadn't really had any hot flashes in a while. DUH!!!

She comes back early next week to visit for a month, but I'll be out of town for 2 weeks on vacation (her poor planning), but I'm going to have her stay mostly with her dad and I'll spend more time at BF's house since my eldest son is moving home from Denver and living with me until he finds a new place. I need to spend less time with my daughter's sorcery!! LOL

If Aunt Flo would chill out a little bit and not be so fierce, it might be tolerable, but I swear it really did feel like some angry revenge the past couple of days. I could almost hear maniacal laughter somewhere. LMAO

Aniki's picture

I would welcome Aunt Flo with Midol and and a heating pad if it would tone down these bloody hot flashes. Ugh!

ESMOD's picture

I will say.. when that was an issue for me, I found that I would have more when I had eaten something sweet/sugar.  I don't have them any more really.. not that I notice at least.  I did hate sitting in a meeting and it was like... what the heck is this.. why am I

Cover1W's picture

oh I get it, still there like clockwork, been more regular than any other time of my life since my IUD was taken out a couple years ago. But now my monthly is heavy heavy - I have to remember to get some super tampons (never had to do before!) this month...ugh.

Cover1W's picture

Haven't talked with him yet - I've got my annual appt in OCT/NOV so I'll discuss it with him then. Two of my friends had this and done it worked for the other not.

ESMOD's picture

I  love working from home.  Yes, I am working more hours.... but have the ability to get things done throughout the day.. like throwing a load of laundry in or making myself a home cooked meal vs grabbing from the cafeteria.  

I have treated myself to a few things to make my job easier here.  I bought a real desk chair, a large monitor (so have laptop screen and monitor).. already had a printer.. also got myself a wireless keyboard and mouse.  At first I would print more things at home.. but I have gotten more used to splitting my large screen and I haven't printed a thing in a couple months.  

I am an introvert with tendencies.. so I love getting my work done without the constant presence of other people.  I have lost almost 20 pounds... and my car mileage is a LOT lower.  

We are through the end of the year.. but I don't ever want to have to go back full time!

Cover1W's picture

We will be working at home for at least through summer 2021. That's a fact. Just listened to a fascinating presentation of Covid, masks, infection spread, vaccines, super-spreaders at our research institution. Sadly, the U.S. is not going to improve anytime soon and another round of hospitalizations/deaths is predicted next month.

1. Wear your masks, none of 50% of the time does not help. Wear them minimum 75% of the time, best every single time you go out. It's proven to work if everyone does this. 2. Even a vaccine that has partial effectiveness will be a huge help - those on the front line who could be super-spreaders are #1 candidates for a vaccine. 3. Social bubbles do work. However, especially this fall do NOT incorporate new people into that circle!  Super-spreaders are not identifiable!  Still too much unknown about active Covid vs. early Covid vs. a-sympomatic Covid to risk it.

That and YSD got her period yesterday. She's nicely and appropriately disposing of the materials. She hasn't said a word yet but I have to discuss with her that it's IMPERATIVE she let me know BEFORE she runs out of supplies.

Aniki's picture

I hadn't seen people in my circle for months! Not until we had dinner with equally "bubbled" friends.

Finns are social distancing champs so that part of quarantining has been a cakewalk for me. The running joke now is:

Person A: I can't wait for this nightmare to be over.

Person B: Me, too. But then we'll have to find another reason to tell people to stay the f*ck away from us!

JRI's picture

I'm lucky and blessed that Covid hasn't affected me much since I'm an introverted retiree.  I feel deeply for those who are sick, those who have lost jobs and those stuck home with their kids.

I saw myself becoming more sedentary so I've begun to walk about a mile each morning.  I'm not winning any races or clocking huge distances, just trying to establish the habit.  I also noticed that my body seems to want to nap in the afternoon so I'm doing that each day.  

My son got me an Echo and I figured out how to make a playlist so I'm listening to old and new artists and building my playlist.  Good luck to all and may we all survive just like our ancestors survived many plagues.


Aniki's picture

JRI, being more sedentary is my biggest issue. I was used to speedwalking to and through the office. Because of the quarantine, I rarely go outside because I have zero desire to interact with ANYone - even from a safe distance.