Please help me understand why my stepson lets his bm continue to use him
I just don't get it. I married a good man that had custody of his 4-year-old son. Eleven years later I am a step mom that has done it all. Everything a parent, mother should do, I have done that and some for this child. I live the day-to-day life with everything for this child. I wouldn't trade it for the world because I love him so but I have such a hard time when I get all of the day-to-day everyday stuff that comes with being a parent and now at the teen years it is rough. You know they have that know everything, smart mouth. Then the birth mother has NOTHING at all to deal with except an occasional pick up visit fun fun time, no rules, no homework, no nothing and he is good as gold with her. He never smart mouths her; they just have a fun ole time. Oh don't let me forget she never really had much to do with his life until he became old enough to baby-sit her other children. It drives me NUTS. Because I see she is using him once again for her benefit, she plays this I am so poor pitiful, sorry I can't, wish I could and if I could thing with him and he feels so sorry for her and will stick up for her no matter what she does. We do not ever speak badly about his mother to him.We don't tell him things that will hurt him, but when he comes home and acts like we are the bad guys and she is the Parent of the year, my insides BOIL. She pays no child support, buys no clothes,pays for nothing, when I say NOTHING I mean NOTHING. She lives 20 minutes away and acts like it is 200miles until she needs a baby sitter.
I just get so frustrated because he is like mine, in my heart, in my soul and she is messing with his head and using him. I want to protect him like a normal parent would but I can't say anthing because I can not hurt him because that is his mother no matter what.
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Comments
It's a shame
The shameful behavior some parents do cannot be excused. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Many of us understand more than you know.
So your stepson is only 15?
So your stepson is only 15? I wouldn't let a 15 yr old be responsible for other children (babysitting). He is still a child himself, I just don't believe in putting a 15 yr old child be responsible for other children. You should not allow that and have a talk w/biomom. He is practically your son, your rules should ultimately be followed. If you can't talk her out of babysitting, haver your husband talk to her. Let us know the updates.
New here and looking to vent out
Iam so thankful I found this site, I can finally relases my feelings to someone. It is very hard being the Step mom. The mom, that looks after the son and does it all. I have so much anger and hurt inside. I am the mom who takes care of all and gets the bad behavior from my stepson. I don’t like calling him that because in my heart he is mine. I have been the acting mom now for 11 years. Now all of a sudden the bm wants to spend more time with him and plays mind games with him. I have a really hard time
I know how you feel Ann
I feel the same way that you do. My stepson's biomom gave up custody because she wasn't doing what was in the best interest of stepson. However, recently, she is all about making herself look good in stepson's eyes. My stepson wants so much for his mom to be a good mother that he latches on to whatever little bit that his mom does and makes it out to be something wonderful. After years of biomom doing the bare minimum now she is trying to act like she is wonderful and has always been a great mother!! Stepson doesn't remember how horrible his mother was, biomom's ex-boyfriend wasn't in the picture when she was at her worst. The only ones that know what kind of person she is, are me, my husband and biomom herself.
Dawn
Thanks Dawn, Do you think
Thanks Dawn, Do you think the day will ever come when our stepsons will see the truth
Ann
I don't know the answer to that. All we can do is hope that as they grow older and start to understand things better that they will see the truth. I think my stepson does see some things a little clearer now at 10.5 years old than he did a few years ago, however, he still doesn't want to admit to himself that his mom is not as wonderful as he wants her to be.
We are trying to get stepson to speak his mind more with some things. Biomom likes to treat him like he is 4 yrs. old. I think she is trying to get back the years that she missed with him because she pawned him off on anybody she could find. However, now he needs to let her know that he is old enough to have his own opinions, comb his own hair, and pick out his own clothes. I swear the woman would wipe his butt if he asked her too. I think she is slightly messed up in the head but that's just my opinion!
It is a work in progress.
Dawn