yep - take the phone off the hook - if you have the stepson - what emergency would she have to contact him? tell her you will be VERY busy with family time during vacation and that he will call her on X...X...and X....she can go a day without speaking to him - trust me on this one - give everyone else another way to contact you in case of emergency and turn your cell phone off - don't listen to her hateful voicemails and leave the room when she talks to SS - hell you know it will piss you off - what you don't know, won't hurt you.

Hope we don't get confused..LOL...looks like Anne at first glance.

I can relate to the SS lying and being a brat about chores. The other day I had my BS15 Picking up dog poop, sweeping the patio, cleaning the dog water and taking some boxes to the rubbish. I said to SS, you have already made your bed, so can you just empty that small bin on the patio for me and that would be great...I gave him the bag, he had to lift it out, put the new one in and walk 5 metres to the trash....when his dad got home from work and asked SS what he had done all day, the answer should have been, well I played video games for 4.50mins and a chore for 2 mns and watched BS15 do his chores for 8 mins. Instead he said well I spent half the morning doing chores for Catch and then i played vodeo games for a bit!!

LMAO!! Unlucky for him I was around the corner!!
This also happened the day after twice in minutes and I fear if i wasn't around to defend myself, can you imagine what he would say I DID to him...? I can only imagine what he tells his mother!!

Tell your SS if he whinges about chores he will have to take on one of the other kids chores as well...if he contimues to whinge continue to give him more chores. Time the kids, tell them to all start at once and then tell them how long it took. The normal chore for a kid takes about 5 or 10 minutes and they get what 2 or 3 at most. They spend more time whinging than doing

I really understand how you get that feeling about not wanting him around. I went through this last year and it hurt my DH to know how I felt, but I had to explain to him that it is very hard to feel happy and at ease when someone is deliberatly trying to hurt you and/or make trouble in your life

Anyway welcome again

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

Welcome!

wow, well honestly I had alot of the same early on especially the first five years as I stumbled to figure out what to do(I didn't find this site til it was year ten), I would definitely not have B

You need to intoduce BM to my friend, Nunya Bidness. Nunya Bidness is the protector of all that is holy in my house, namely my privacy, my sanity, my rules, my routines, my decisions, my authority and my role in the home/family. As long as her child is fed, clothed, sheltered, supervised, cared for, loved, treated with respect and not subject to physical, mental or emotional harm or abuse, then whatever happens in your house is none of BM's business. Period.

You should never have to tell her a thing. You don't have to talk to her, look at her, email her, take her phone calls or respond to her. She is your DH's cross to bear. He's the one who should be dealing with her, especially if it makes you uncomfortable to do so. Sometimes it's possible to have pleasant exchanges with the BM. My BM and I are getting along really well lately, after years of living in a nightmare, and she and I have been working together very productively to arrange the skids' next visit. (We live in TX, they live in NC.) It's been nice, it really has. But if it's not nice and not pleasant and not productive, then leave all communications with her to your DH.

Phone calls are tricky. I never have had a problem with BM calling the skids when they are with us, even though for years she blocked DH's calls with the skids when they were with her. I think if you can reasonably accommodate the calls, then do so. I don't think you have to interrupt your plans for her, but maybe a fair compromise would be to have SS call her before he goes to bed. That way, she's not interfering in your vacation plans, but she still gets to talk to him daily.

Your biggest problem is not your SS or even his mother. Like with almost all of us, your problem is with your DH. He needs to lay down the law with both of them. I believe that if he were more supportive of you with discipline, more hands-on with the parenting of SS and ran his own interference with BM, your negative feelings towards your SS would begin to abate.

As to how to "handle" her, that's easy. You don't. DH does.

Welcome!

♥ ANNE 8102 ♥

And it needs to stay that way. You do not parent at her home. You said SS says that he tells him mom that stuff cause that is what she wants to hear but when he is with you he is a complainer and only wants to do what he wants to do. Maybe he just tells her that not cause she wants to hear it but because he wants to please her. My ss sometimes tells his mom what she wants to hear but when he is with us he is so far up our butts it is crazy and he does what we ask with no complaints. Sounds like you have a ss trying to play the sides. Welcome to the site. reading everybody else's story makes me feel better and not alone. Oh and the calling on vacation... We did not call ss's mom on vacation unless her asked to call her which he never did or if she called to talk to him we would call back the next day when we had time. That is your vacation you do not have to deal with those dreadful phone calls we all know about.

this is your DH responsibilty ..we like to say on here, not our kid, not our problem..
detaching to some degree may help I know it did for me.
welcome -this site has been a blessing to me and I hope it will be for you too

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."