I'm beyond frustrated! My stepson is ruining my marriage!I have been the main caretaker for him for the last 5 years...his mother abandoned her children to go to another country for a guy she met on the internet. I have been completely responsible for him and it has been no picnic. When I met him he was six and a complete animal. He had NEVER had rules...ate nothing but junk...no bedtime(I"m serious he was up until 1 am in the morning or later and got up at 6 for school and they wondered why he had behavior problems at school). He did NOTHING for himself and couldn't be in a room by himself for 5 minutes or sleep by himself. If he wanted something and someone did try to say no he threw himself on the floor and screamed until they gave in. He never bathed and wore the same clothes for days and days. I could go on and on. His dad blamed the mom but obviously it wasn't all her because this kind of behavior doesn't happen overnight...he just didn't have the balls to stand up to his wife...they were still married when we met. But she was involved with the internet guy...long story.. I should have run the other way I know but I didn't and here we are 5 years later. My husband isn't a BAD father but he hates conflict and will ignore behavioral problems so he doesn't have to deal with them. My stepson isn't as bad as he was...I have worked with him a lot. He has a bedtime...Is expected to do chores...eats fairly well. He stopped misbehaving at school. I worked REALLY hard with him to get rid of his speech problems so he wouldn't get picked on. He actually was getting pretty well behaved until a couple of years ago when his mom came back over here. Since then he has gone way backwards. He constantly makes bad decisions because he says his mom doesn't make him do any of the things I do so he is not used to it. He cries over eating things like watermelon or tomatoes. Yes cries at 11 years old! I was never one of those moms to make kids eat things I would rather let them choose what they like but if I don't make him eat veggies and fruits he never will...he doesn't like ANY of them. Anyway I have gotten VERY frustrated and become a bitch. I am tired of being responsible for him. He is not grateful at ALL and I get it he's a kid but his dad just thinks I should let him act like an ass and not do chores or follow rules because "he's an 11 year old boy and that's how they are" I say bullshit! If you don't expect anything out of him that is what you will get...NOTHING! Plus we have 2 younger children who are expected to follow the rules. So this doesn't work for me. My 4 year old has always eaten her fruits and veggies and suddenly she has started giving me a hard time. And my husband told me if I won't leave his son alone I will need to move out because I am making him depressed which is total BS as well. I don't yell (very often)I just talk to him and he just spaces out and then goes up in his room and starts laughing on his phone...yeah he's 11 and has his own phone and tablet and 24 hour full access to the internet...another topic all together! So I don't know what to do. I don't want my little ones to have to be separated from their father but I don't see how I can just stay here and let this kid run my life for the next 7 years...and I am pretty sure its only going to get worse. And I don't want anyone to think I hate him or anything...I love him and tell him that all the time. But since I am not his mom and she expects nothing from him...or his dad either... I feel like I am fighting a lost cause.