At I dont talk often about the defendent probably because she has very little up her sleeve that I dont expect I had her number many years ago. But i would say its a 50/50 blame for dh and her.

Pas was both, one more vengeful then the other (BM)
Not recognizing issues, Bm would never admit how f'd up she is and SD17 is just like her and SD13 has more boy experience because she will spend her whole life looking for her DADDY in men. Dh part, not teaching the oldest that she is not his wife, the youngest that he does value her.

General abuse between parent of the other parent. BM WINS 80/20.

In laws their dead to me but dh mother is a meddling, racist bitter women she doesnt help sd attitude

And i agree with dtzy last paragraph

Hmmm...I have not yet sat down and really thought about assigning an actual percentage to those to blame. I think with me, it would depend on the day. Today, after spending all morning in court, I was subpoenaed or I would not have attended, and then, I was not even called to the stand, anyway, I would say 80% BM, like you Anon, BM is an idiot and keeps allowing skid to be victimized in her home, anyway, 10% DH, just for the fact that he does not take it upon himself to get skid lined out and get him help, and 10% skid due to the fact that this kid is so savy, yes, he has been abused, but, he is still very smart and uses it to his advantage and he is pretty much a rabid wild animal of a child and he knows it is wrong, he just doesn't care and no one corrects him. Behavior wise, on a general scale, I would say 50% DH, 25% MIL, I can t assign BM a number for when skid is with DH because she is not responsible for skid when he is here. I say 75% DH due to the fact that he allows MIL to run the show. MIL is the one that coddles, babies, undermines DH, lets skid run wild, makes excuses, but DH is the parent and DH should step up and reign his Mom in, so that is why I blame him more than his mother. 25% skid because I am telling you, this kid, he KNOWS what he is doing, he KNOWS it is wrong, but he takes advantage of the overly permissive Granny and Disneyland Daddy. I hold him accountable because he chooses to make the wrong choices and act like a gigantic turd.

I blame DH and BM equally for even having this unwanted child (years after their divorce from ONS). Neither parented him. BM passed on bad genes for addiction.

But at 27 I now blame SS 100% for who he is now. Bad parenting does not give an adult a free pass to be an ass the rest of their life. I don't care if he inherited genes towards alcoholism - HE is absolutely the only one who can choose to fix himself. He's been sent to countless rehabs.

He freely accepts being an alcoholic and has no desire to get clean and sober. That's on him alone.

Hmm... I blame BM 90% for the lack of everyday parenting these skids of mine are Not getting & 10% to DH for even breeding with her!!!

I blame my DH 80 % for how the skids have poorly treated me & 20% to BM for putting crap in the skids heads/PAS

I blame my DH 100% for not putting down healthy & appropriate boundaries with my skids at Our home!!!! I dont blame the skids for that because their parent sucks at teaching them!!!

Lastly, I blame myself 100% for putting myself thru all this!! There were red flags I saw but chose to overlook!!! Bleh

There aren't many circumstances in life where you can honestly claim to be 100% innocent.

But I am with regards to SS27. He was a grown ass man when I met him. I did not birth him not did I parent him. I have no more responsibility for his being so pathetic than I do for any drunk bum on the street. That does not mean I cannot have compassion - but responsibility - no.