I blame DH and BM mostly. They are the adults and have all of the control. The skids are helpless in every way. The adults need to step up and teach the skids to be the best little skids they can possibly be. Kids have no idea otherwise and I think that sometimes people on this site lose sight of that.

I place 99% of the blame squarely on BM and DH. BM and DH in my situation both chose to have these jobs that take them away for days on end. Before I came into the picture the skids were just shuffled around by my MIL or a babysitter. I truly feel that most of the "issues" that the skids have today are from not having anyone set a positive example or spend any quality time with them. They are stunted in maturity because no one ever set rules or made them accountable for anything. Most of my resentment of my current situation rests on DH and BM because they still don't really step up for the skids....I do. That being said...as the skids get older (they are 9 and 12 now), I see small things that they pick up behaviorally like lying, stealing, being out and out disrespectful or feeling entitled to having everything done for them. Those things the skids CAN control, and I feel that they should know better. At some point, you can't go out and rob a bank and then blame your parents for being poor role models KWIM?

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

I blame BM and BF. I don't understand as a parent myself, how BF could just not grow some balls for the sake of his own daughter. It is very emasculating and unattractive.

I too blame myself for letting my heart rule my head and getting myself in such a difficult situation. I blame myself the most.

I am going to be honest, I just don't want step kids anymore... Had they been given to me as babies I wouldn't have to deal with this crap. I am just soo tired of giving and loving and worring and wanting for their future, and All I get in return is hate and disrespect, I just don't want to do it anymore, I place the blame in our situation on BM and DH not putting boundries on these kids and cracking down when nessecery, but mostly on BM, DH tries and she always undermines his efforts!!

I blame DH and BM for SS's behavior mostly. As children grow older though, they become more accountable for their actions. I think I can tell the difference between when his behavior is the result of poor upbringing and when he is being rude and defiant. When he enjoys the bad behavior, or has no remorse I guess that's when I blame him more than BM or DH. Good question.

"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."

I blame bm 100% for the way she has raised her kids. ss is no problem. sd is not bad but is starting to act alot like mommy...so i blame sd for her behaviour now 100% becasue she is old enough to know right from wrong and her behavioru towards my dh is hurtful. Granted he is not perfect but becasue she is still not old enough to understand finances and money constraints , she only understand what she wants and that she doesnt get it so dad is bad. dad is a liar.....she'll learn when she gets older...that's all.
For me, she is not disespectful, she is not forthcoming connecting with me but she is a teen and she's in the teen world. i do understnad her ..i dontlike the way she acts towards her dad but she is a very angry girl now and she is starting to udnerstand the divorce...etc.et.c.
Yes, i blame bm and sd 100%. I did blame my dh at the beginning for a few things...so it was 90 bm and 10 dh...but over the years, i've realized its not him. He is being psychologically battered and his father hood stripped from him. so i do alot of mending as a wife for him and i instill his fatherhood back to him with our son..and hopefully have more!

i blame BM first--she was in and out of sd's life which resulted in sd being how she is. she also handed down the mental disorders to sd.

bf is second--he is a guilt-lazy parent who would rather 'let things go' than deal with issues head on. sd has adopted that attitude, his anger issues, and thrives on daddy getting her out of trouble.

sd11 is last-but not least--she 'chooses' to hate me as cover-up for her real issues that she doesnt want to deal with or get over. i am prime target for her anger and hate. she thinks her mom is wonderful even though bm has told her to her face that she doesnt want her.

i also blame bf's mother--she enables sd's behavior, gives poor parenting advice to bf, and pretty much ignores bd3, who is also her granddaughter. she makes sd feel like she is gold, to the point that i beleive sd is narccistic.

i lastly blame myself--for allowing myself to get so low, for bringing an innocent child into the mix (bd3) and staying for the fact i want bd3 to have a daddy around and cause i do love bf.

Blame DH2b and BM equally. They raised the children. Blaming one over the other is silly. Both parents had a hand in raising the kid.

Then again, nothing for me to blame for. Skids2b (20, 18, 16, 15) are great kids