I think you kind of opened this type of can of worms yourself. You/DW called CPS on Dad a while back (or at least he believes it was you/DW).

Now you're sitting there wondering if SD made up stories and lies about you telling Dad you hit her or if Dad is making up stories/lies and claiming the SD said this.

I think you need to be very careful about having a face to face sit down with DW and SD's father. It really may be best to tell your wife you won't be attending and if Dad seriously believes you are abusing the child , Dad can call CPS and let them come out and talk to the little girl and assure themselves that SD is not being hit/abused. There is already tension and dislike between you and the father. If you start calling his daughter or him a liar in a face to face, the guy just might come across the table at you. You mentioned in another blog of your that Dad runs around trying to look/act all 'bad ass'.

In the meantime, make sure you are never left alone with SD. You want DW in the house when SD is there so she can witness exactly what takes place between SD and you. Protect yourself.

This has always been one of my worst fears, because I KNOW DH would believe his precious over me. Absolutely. It must be some phenomena of being a parent, where logic, reason, and lack of cause or evidence fly out the window.

I'm hoping that the sit down is for the PARENTS, including you, to present SD with a united front that the lying and the blaming stops now. I often think kids have no idea that adults talk to one another. They get away with playing both sides against the other so well, that seeing a united front might put a stop to the nonsense. But with the birth dad believing you called CPS on him and accused HIM of abuse... oh lordy this could be a mess.

It's good advice, from here on out never be alone with the kid.

My ss was 5 when he told bm I had hit him. I hadnt and at that point I hadnt even raised my voice to him (btw I do NOT believe in smacking another persons child, not my child, not my right -unless its self defence).

She rung up screaming like a banshee, accusing me of it as "ss never lies" (yeah right...ooo look a pig flew past) and threatening police intervention. I was incredibly upset and angry because at that time, in my line of work, that could have lost me my job at the minimum.

My DH knew I hadnt laid a hand in him, as not only was I never alone with him (he was pas'd so badly even at that age against me, he would be on DH like velcro the entire visitation) he believed me when I told him I had not hit him, nor would I. It took about 45 mins of dh listening to bm's rabid, saliviating rants about me for him to cajole her into letting him speak to ss himself and a further 10mins of talking to ss (who insisted I had hit him) for him to admit it was a lie. Bm was mortified due to her behaviour, however like a twat kept insisting ss doesnt lie even though she knew he had on this point (idiot). I understood why she rung up (in her shoes so would I, as that is your job as a mother), it was her really silly unreasonableness and aggressive behaviour which was unacceptable to me.

Anyway, if dh had not had my back on this point I would have been gone so quick, all you could see of me was a cloud of dust. ( I didnt get an apology from ss, but like many on here my dh is a disney dad and has a plethero of handy excuses at the ready to excuse ss for his behaviour...but that is another story).

I would ask your DW why she married you, if she felt there was even a small risk of you being capable of physical violence
against a child? That trust is incredibly important and while you can understand why she would investigate what happened (by
asking you- as any parent would) you cannot understand or condone the fact she refuses to believe you, and has automatically marked you as guilty. So while SHE may be considering you untrustworthy, you now feel the exact same way towards her, as how can you trust a partner who has vowed to be as *one*, a team if you like when she is effectively ganging up with her ex to confront YOU over their child lying.

P.s. do NOT be alone around sd, I would also refuse to have anything to do with her tbh.

Absolutely not. Do not sit down with them. This is their issue to resolve. You can however sit down with SD and your wife and confront her. But, you do not engage with the ex-husband. That never goes well.

They need to get her in therapy to figure out why she is lying and do not ever be alone with that child again. I was accused of hitting my SD and let me tell you she got one time to say it and DH confronted BM when they were having a conversation about other stuff and BM and DH shut her down. Now that didn't stop my SD from telling friends I did and I had a wonderful conversation with one of her little friends mom and I shut that down really quick.

All of these issues makes me glad, she is no longer welcome here and I remember why.

I wen through this recently with my step children lying..... soooooo, long story short, they called CPS on me, had to hire an attorney, be investigated, have my beautiful infant an my home investigated. When this happened, I informed my DH, I would never be around his children again!

This is a very dangerous situation, an u need to protect yourself. In our situation I left every time skids came to visit, until my husband rea the CPS report and realized how serious it was, he no longer allows skids in our home, and I have nothing to do with them.

Idk what ur schedule is, BUT, u can sit down with SD parents AND SD. Make her day it to ur face! THEN inform DW, because her child is dangerous, u will never be alone with her again, and u relinquish ALL responsibility of SD!

Period, u have I protect urself. If this ploy doesn't work, who knows what she will say next.... That u molest her????? Protect urself from one step parent to another!!!!!!

Is it possible your DW is scared of her ex? He is insisting that you all sit down and as she is scared of his 'bad ass' behaviour she wants you there for protection?
I would tell her you are not sitting down with her ex or herself unless this is done with a mediator present. This person must be present and this will be a a neutral arena (mediators office?). And in the meantime you will not be left alone with her daughter again. This little girl has given herself a lot of power in this dynamic and no one can see it. But all she needs to do is say something and your life will end.

If DW wants to meet with her ex, she can rock on over there and deal with it. But she will never ever be able to leave her daughter in your care ever again. Not even if she is in the house. Certainly, step up and take more care of your shared child... I wouldn't even be within armslength of SD ... but keep that child away until her mother works out that her daughter is lying to get Daddy to do her will.

You may also want to ask why her ex hasn't reported this 'abuse' to CPS. In fact you may want to call CPS yourself and tell them this child is making accusations and you want both homes investigated.