SO finally got to talk to GUBM and SD yesterday about the whole moving situation. They're moving next Friday (on SD's birthday, yea, happy birthday, kid) and SD is going to be starting in her new school that next Monday. SD is not thrilled. SO is not thrilled. GUBM is tickled pink. Because her lease is up on her place at the end of this month and she got this AWESOME *gag* opportunity that just came up and "we just had to act quickly!".

SD doesn't want to move. She doesn't enjoy her school because it's not challenging and, apparently, she is back to not having any friends, but, she's at least comfortable. It's familiar. The town she lives in is familiar. It's a whole "The evil I know is better than the evil I don't know" situation for her. But, she's apparently not told GUBM that she doesn't want to move. *sigh*

SD has a bad habit of not speaking up unless she's in the middle of an emotional outburst. I personally cannot stand that kind of behavior and SO and I have both been trying our best to encourage her to voice her opinions and speak truthfully when she's with us. But, unfortunately, she's never been with us enough to make an impact in that area because GUBM is the type that screams and hollers at her and picks her very being apart when SD disagrees with her. GUBM does this to everyone. So, while SD had the ability to speak up and tell GUBM that she didn't want to move, I don't doubt the possibility of GUBM not giving her the appropriate opportunity to do as much. Simply put, though, SD is terrified of moving and being the new kid again. It took her a year to make friends at her current school and she isn't really looking forward to that nonsense again.

SO is pissed off about all of it and frustrated. He's pissed because they've apparently been talking about this for months. And nobody thought it was necessary to tell SO that they were talking about moving. SD jumped at the opportunity to tell him about GUBM's hair-brained, fleeting infatuation of moving in with her cousin in NY, but this? I don't get it and neither does he. He's also frustrated because he doesn't know what to do. He feels stuck.

Part of me, and I'm sure part of him, knows that this would all have been a lot easier to deal with had he ever written a custody agreement like he had said he would before we moved to PGH. Heck, even if he had written one up last spring after the whole SD wanting to move here-turmoil-nope I changed my mind nonsense it would have been a lot easier to deal with. But, I feel stuck there because this is so not the time to tell him "Well, if you had a custody agreement, even something informal, you'd have a little more power". He feels powerless and it really is his fault. And I can't say that because it's not really nice to rub that in his face right now, or ever really. He doesn't know what he is going to have to do in all of this. He isn't even certain that if he took GUBM to court to gain custody that he'd have any bit of power on his side since she has actual custody of her, even without anything written.

He did tell SD that she does have the option of moving out here with us, but, it doesn't eliminate her problem or anxiety of being the new kid at a new school as she will still be the new kid here. And, since I'm going to be buying us a house before next fall, there is no guarantee that she wouldn't be the new kid again then either. Though you can bet your backsides that if SD were to move out here with us before I buy our house, I'd either make sure we bought in an area that keeps her in the same school, or, we'd get her into a charter or private school that she could continue to go to after we move. Unfortunately, though, she has to make her decision quickly as there isn't much time between now and GUBM's move date. Of course, had either one of them bothered to mention this to SO before now, there would have been time...but I digress.

Neither SO nor I had to deal with this growing up, so, we can only speculate about how scary it is for SD. We both were lucky enough to live in one house our entire childhoods and our families still live in those houses. The longest SD has lived in one place was after SO bought his townhouse and she only lived there for six years. This will be the second time that SD is being forced to move against her desires in the entire time that I've known them. SD didn't want to move down the shore with GUBM the first time and she doesn't want to move now. She's comfortable with where she is because it's familiar. She's tired of being thrown into unfamiliar situations.

Heck, that's what the entire last three almost four years of her life have been, one unfamiliar situation after another. First SO and GUBM split, but, it's still relatively OK because SO lived in the basement. Weird, but, he was still at home. Then, SO moved out so it was strange. SD had to go somewhere different and new to see him. Then, SD and GUBM moved down the shore while SO and I moved into the townhouse. So, while it was still her home, it was unfamiliar because someone new was living there with dad. And that's not even mentioning that SD was thrown into an unfamiliar town and into an unfamiliar school. Then, SO and I moved to PGH so there's a whole new unfamiliar place for SD to have to go see her dad. I can't blame the kid for wanting to stay where it is comfortable. She just wants some damn stability in her life and to know something isn't going to change for a while.

SO doesn't even know what the right thing is for her right now since both options involve her moving. I can't offer him any wisdom because I don't know what's best for her, either. The only thing I can say with any amount of certainty is that while I have told SO that she is welcome to move here if she so chooses, I'm not sure how I'm going to handle having her here full-time. I could barely stand her being here for a month in the summer with her bad attitude and nasty behavior. And, if all the kid wants is some stability, wouldn't it really be better for her to stay in the household that's familiar to her even though the actual house, town, and school are changing? Would uprooting her all the way to PGH and putting her in a home where she will have rules, expectations, and consequences for misbehaviors, something she does not have with GUBM, be a bad idea? Ugh. I just don't know. This is all way too much nonsense to deal with right now. But, since it unfortunately means that SD might possibly be residing here, I kind of can't hide from it. Damnit.