DH has been talking about getting BM out of the picture for a while now. She's been an energy sucker the entire time we've been together.

I am upset because I have lost some dreams of mine because of her terrible influence in our lives.

Healing is so painful.......I thought I would be happy, but I realized my intentions were impure, I wanted to show her that no matter how times she controlled my husband by waving the kids in face like a carrot, in the end I was going to win!

Now she's gone (I hope). Did I win anything? Did I rub it in her face? How come I feel so bad.

When DH and I got together I had no idea what I was getting into. I have a daughter of my own, I had a life of my own. We were going to get married, but we put it off because that b*^&%^ was going to withhold SDS on our wedding day. I wasn't going to be crying at the altar, crying why because I missed them, no. Crying because I knew on that day my DH wouldn't be thinking about me, he would be crying on the inside, wishing for them. My ring is in the pawn shop because we can't pay our bills, we have cars that don't work, and we are paying her support for a child that we have in our home is costing us everything. She has a lot of health concerns and she needs a lot things. Dream 1# - flushed. I don't think I will marry him now.

I wanted to have more children. First we tried to adopt, we were turned down. Why? They told us because BM was seen as an distraction to our family life, we were considered unstable. I was depressed for a year, I was angry, but, they were right. She has been so disruptive and emotionally draining there's no way we could have done it. Still I hoped. Dream 2# - flushed. I won't go through that long process again and I have no interest in having children, I have no energy and our girls need so much. I'm trying to teach them that education (which no one can take from you) is more important than using babies to make a life....I think its working.

I wanted to move away. We couldn't do that because DH wanted to be near his kids. Now we have one of them and she is so traumatized by BM (who moved with the girls 13 times) she doesn't want to leave. She said she would rather live in a group home than move with us. I wanted to teach in Korea or Prague. My daughter, who speaks French would do well in another environment. I can't leave SD behind. Dream 3# - flushed.

I wanted us to financially stable, healthy, happy, active. We are all so depressed (except for my daughter) we are lucky if we pay the bills, clean the house, take our pills and make dinner. Neither of us can work, we pay child support for a child we have in our home, we don't get to see the other child, we are put down consistently by a psychopath, sometimes I believe I am a bad person because I hear it so much. DH, SD and myself are on medication, we drive to therapy sessions like soccer moms drive to practice. We're in support groups, individual and group therapy, our names are in crisis call centers data banks, I have self help books everywhere, we have been left with inconsolable grief because we can not see SD (who is in an unsafe environment) Dream 4# - flushed.

My DH is like a zombie, SD has been abused emotionally, at 13 her reading level is at a 3.8 grade level, she has an intellectual disability (how much of the trauma has affected her learning only time will tell) and has at 13 a boyfriend (who she's never alone with) who threatens suicide, smokes and cheats on her, she lies when she doesn't have to, she manipulates (learned from master manipulator, her mother), she tries to run away, and she says she feels worthless. I'm amazed my daughter is doing so well, when I ask her how this affects her she says shes fine. Thank heavens, but time will tell.

Now that this women is out of our lives, Children Services tell us how bad we are morally because the two SD should see each other. They promised to get them together and now they say they aren't willing to foot the bill to pay for gas and time to put them together, they look at us like we are bad? I told them ask BM for some money, she's getting $637/month for a child we have, they say we should grow up, I say they should open their eyes.

I hope I am recovering and not getting ready to end my relationship with DH.