My DH's ex is unbelievable!
This past summer we have had my dh skids pretty much the whole time. We paid over $1300 in child support, while she went off on a vacation and didn't even leave a contact number for us to reach her.
In the first week of the visit one of my sd was crying about a terrible pain in her head after we came back from swimming. So we took her to the hospital. Now I'm in Canada so you need your health card when you go for medical services. The ex left us their health card numbers, but they were wrong? Anyways we get to the hospital and sd has a terrible build up of fluids in her ears, nose and throat.
Now she has always suffered from ear infections and it was recommended five years or more that she have tubes put in. Her mother flaked out twice both times there were appointments for the surgery. SD has had so many infections that her ear drums are so thin that if she goes on a plane her ear drums will BRUST!
Since their mother is gone for so long we take her to see a specialist and find out that she has the worst case of glue ear the doctor has ever seen. She is 12.5 years old. Glue ear isn't even seen in children over 8. What happens with glue ear is that the small bones in the ear stop working or vibrating because their is so much fluid buildt up. Normally this drains on its own, but her ears are so damaged they can't do it anymore. 10 more db of hearing loss and she is legally deaf.......all because her mother neglected the procedure over and over. You see one time the ex had trouble with her ears and now she thinks the same trouble will come to her daughter. She won't even let her wear her reading glasses, this past year poor sd was labelled with "an intellectual disability" at school. For those that don't know, that's an IQ rating under 70. The report said the child have missed over 300 days of school in their whole life!!!! No wonder she has a problem. She can't see, hear or go to school. How are you supposed to have a higher IQ if you are neglected? But Children's Services don't see it that way. They go there and see her in a little dress with long pretty hair and the smiling children, because they are so scared that they will be taking away (she's told them this) and they walk away. The children spent most of their childhood in foster homes, when my dh didn't have them.
We called Social Services to have this looked into. SD decides she doesn't want to go home and live with mother, now I may be jumping around abit, but I'm venting!!! She has been wanting to live with dh and me for the past 5 years. She was told by her mother that when she turns 12 she could have left. When the time was rolling around last year for her to make her move, her mother suddenly lost 30 lbs and started crying all the time. She even told SD that if she left she "would kill herself", "cry every night without her" and that the child "would break her heart". Totally not ok to say to a child. This year the child doesn't care and wants to leave. Since the mother was gone for so long she said that it was fine that she moves in with us (big surprise, but I'm not holding my breath) but wants her for a visit.
We get an email from SD that she wants to go back to school shopping with us on Wednesday when her mother takes the other child. I totally disagree with this. We paid her mother $1300 for the entire summer for these children and she didn't even have them, she went on a holiday and now we are expected to buy her school supplies. Of course we are going to do it. But come on. Her husband makes $80,000 a yr, my dh makes $36,000. Totally outrageous.
We will of course have to get the court order changed and since they live 2.5 hours away, we have to get a lawyer out there and drive 5 hours a day for court days.
We had to cash out our rrsp's because she doesn't want to sit down and make a deal, she still wants child support for the other child. We told the lawyer how can this be? We have one child, she has the other? The lawyer says its because she has no income, we told him she has no income because her husband makes so much. I currently am in school and have no income because of it.
So they are going to have a household of $80,000 for three people and we are going to have household of $36,000 for three people and pay her support.
Its so nuts.
I just hope we can get her out of there. There are other problems but I would be typing forever.
ewwww I said it.
thanks for letting me vent.
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Poor SD. I cant believe it
Poor SD. I cant believe it when you hear about moms that cant do right by their children. Its not like the tubes were going in her OWN ears, and she decided no.
I hope that its not to late for the surgery to be done. Hopefully you can get these problems and other fixed so that SD can enjoy the rest of her life.
why
Why are you going to buy the school supplies?
SD was finally given
SD was finally given approval from her mother to live with us. And her bm said that if she was going to live with us, we had to buy her supplies. While she took sd's sister out and bought her extra things cause she only had to buy for her.
Really sick.
To top it off, she sent her over with ONE pair of jeans and hardly any clothes, she gave them to her nieces, cause my dh is supposed to replace her wardore too.
If we don't she won't have
If we don't she won't have any.
She keeps going and going and lying and lying
We are trying our best.
The whole situation is so sad for her. Even my dh doesn't completely know what to do.
We are going back to court and going to say that the reason she is not working is because she is privileged by her husbands income and doesn't have to work. The lawyer said that they will look at everyone's income and then see if we still have to pay support for the other sd.
She is still collecting child support for a child we have. Last night she even went so far to say that her and her husband made bets on how long it would take before my dh would say anything about c/s. She bet a month and her ugly, monkey husband said two weeks. According to her, he won.
Isn't that disgusting they are making jokes about this. We have hardly any money, two children and she's making jokes, they have been traveling back and forth to Trinidad (and doesn't leave a contact number for us to get a hold of her). She even gave us the wrong health card number for sd, so that if we took her somewhere, we would have to ask her for the right number so she would know what we were doing. Isn't that disgusting. My sd has so many health problems and she leaves the county and doesn't leave the health card.
All summer she saw her children for two weeks. She says we owe her.
And she still wants full custody of the child that lives with us? How does that make sense.
This women is not a Jehovah witness but has the children in this faith. According to their beliefs if you raise the children in the "truth" you get a free ticket into the new kingdom or system or whatever they call it.
My sd that lives with us now, called her maternal gramma and she told my sd, that she doesn't care what kind of house she lives in, or what kind of school she goes to, the system is coming and she wants her to be there with her.
What a joke! No one can predict the end of the world, it says so right in the bible.
She doesn't need this stress at all,everytime she talks to her mother she is sick for two days. I am not kidding. And what doesn my dh do last night as soon as I get the children into bed (finally) he brings the phone over to her and lets her talk to her mom.
Last week her mother called and was freaking out about sd's wanting to live with us. She said that we weren't going to take care of her and that she was going to be pregnant by 15 (basically calling her a slut), told her off and then starting crying.
Everyone in bm's family is "so hurt" by sd decision to live with her dad. They tell a 12 year old how much they hurt her!!!!!!!They make it sound like she..........gee, I don't know what.
They have always hated my dh, because he left her when she was 17 with two babies. But you see she is totally nutz! She cheated on him 8 times, lies all the time and even stopped taking her birth control pills so she could get pregnant so he wouldn't leave her. He was planning to study in another city, and she started to freak out.
He tried to stay with her (ever since the babies were born he never abandoned them or her, his family gave her money and he saw them as much as he could and then every other weekend).
But she is nutx. They weren't even sure if his first daughter was going to come out black or white!!!!! (she had been sleeping with a black guy at the time as well). My dh is not very assertive and every time he tried to break up with her during high school she would threaten to kill herself.
Funny thing, she told sd that if she left for her dad's that she would kill herself. So I called CAS and told them that. The day she was to come to our house CAS went there and talked to her about it.
She is so stupid. Its so hard for me not to tell her off, I just want to punch her in the face. Picking on the children like that. Shes tough with them, but I wonder how tough she would be with me?
I just needed to vent.
Don't know what to do?
I hate to say it and I can only say it here. But I seriously want to run away from all of this. Shit really hit the fan and I am dying on the inside seeing my sd in tears all the time. I can't keep it together. I don't know what to do?
I think and I am afraid I might just leave.
Don't know what to do?
I hate to say it and I can only say it here. But I seriously want to run away from all of this.
Children's services called me today to tell me today they are going to close the file on bm's neglect of sd's hearing problems. They aren't even going to call the doctors we took her to see, cause the doctors bm took her to are enough evidence for them. I said ok, bye.
Then we got this totally terrible email from bm and I called them back. My sd was shaking (she didn't go to school today because of all the stress she's under from bm because she came to live with her dad) and I had it out with them. I am so sick of tip toeing around them. I told the worker exactly what was on my mind, exactly what is going on and exactly what the court order says....which includes a clause about bad mouthing us. She bad mouths me all the time. Now I have proof, and I emailed all the emails to the worker. Hopefully she does something, because I told her since school started sd has been to class once, she literally spends her days hanging out with the thearpist at the school and then comes home. She's so much of a mess he doesn't even send her to class.
Shit really hit the fan and I am dying on the inside seeing my sd in tears all the time. I can't keep it together. I don't know what to do?
I think and I am afraid I might just leave.
Don't leave
I'm sure this is a tough situation, but it sounds like you love SD, and she needs you in her corner. Don't get involved with BM at all. I had to do that, and it worked for me. Block her e-mail. Don't answer the phone when she calls. As far as SD's contact with her, SD may have to take her phone calls but she doesn't have to listen to abuse. If BM starts being abusive, SD can simply tell her she does not wish to talk to her at this time and hang up. It might take a few times, but BM "should" calm down if you are consistent.
She will never quit
She will never quit. I recently had Children's services talk to her about what she has been doing, she stopped for a week and now she has told sd that all her sisters (4) are telling their kids not to talk to sd because she is a bad example for them...because going to live with your father is a bad thing, especially since all the men in their lives "are assholes". There are 5 women and 13 kids and only one is married, just barely and the rest are all split up and blame the men for everything.
The most sick thing, is that her husband's kids move in and out of their house to be with their father and that's ok. but if sd does it, she's breaking everyone's heart and setting a bad example....the only ones that will suffer in the end will be these evil women...but for now the children will suffer.
Its disgusting. Poor sd just wants to be a 12 year old and can't do that.
She just shows up now when ever she wants.....cause its HER kid!
BM is just showing up whenever she wants....she is totally crazy.
We are going to take her to court next month. My dh just lost his job and is paying cs for the child that lives in our house. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I try not to be bitter but its so hard.
Sd wants this and that, and I can afford anything. I feel like I'm blaming her in my mind....but that's just because I'm going crazy.
Oh my.
Our worst fears have been confirmed!
We have always suspected that BM has provided a less-than-safe environment for the DH two SD. BM has is not allowing SD to see her sister anymore because BM is abusive to SD when they see each other and she is not seeing her mother. BM has gone crazy and we have gotten children's services involved.
We had to put SD in counseling and now our worst fears have been confirmed and Children's Services are ignoring it.
I'll explain.
SD has been living with us now for almost ten months. During that time she has had a whole bunch of terrible things go on with her. Nightmares, crying IN CLASS, headaches, insomnia, eating problems, wrist cutting, stomach aches, anxiety about her BM showing up and taking her away. After seeing a psychiatrist it has been determined that she has POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER FROM ABUSE, NEGLECT AND TRAUMA!!! We are devastated!! She's now taking prozac etc.........
The worst part is that Children Services were called on us by BM because supposedly we have been giving the children sleeping pills...which is a lie!!!!!! We live in a big city and they thought it was outrageous that they were looking into US!!!! And they are totally concerned that the other SD is in the house with the nuts BM and they want her out.
The other SD lives in another county and they AREN'T' EVEN CHECKING WITH THE DOCTORS OR CONTACTED THE PSYCHISTIST can you believe it!!!!!
Bm has been going crazy she's been forging my husbands signature on insurance documents, abusing the other SD, it would make your skin crawl if I told you the things SD has said......BM IS CERTIFIABLE........
We are so upset....and to top it off we have been trying to go to court since November because we are still paying BM $637 a month, which she has told the children she deserves because my DH didn't pay her when he was 21 and in college.......she told the kids that!!!
She has not bought one thing for SD!!!! She even took her back to school shopping last year with her other sister to make her jealous!!!!
We are struggling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am beside myself. BM is going nuts and taking us with her....my husband recently told his other daughter that as long as she in the house with BM he can not associate with her!!!! I know this sounds harsh but please understand we are at the bottom of the barrel because of stress from her....he's not rejecting SD he's getting the BM out....DH can't even work because of this, I'm sick, SD is sick we are all taking pills because of this women.....please don't judge....but I have a feeling that the other SD will be calling us soon to pick her up, because her mother is terrible.
She has turned on SD, she told her friends parents that she is HAVING SEX at 13!!!! She has the other SD in the Jehovah Witness religion and SHE DOESN'T EVEN PRACTICE IT!!! Its to control the children and hide from CAS.....she tells them what she does that sounds crazy is because of the religion....but its not!!!! We looked into, we went to the their meetings.......she tells the children they are hurting God and they are going to die if they don't follow THE TRUTH!
I'm so upset, I want to call CAS and scream at them......we are considering suing them.
BM husband is drunk. He lets his underage kids drink in the house, he hits his wife, they scream and yell and poor other SD stays, she says she wants to save her mother and make her happy!!! But she never can the women is crazy.
We are slowly trying to recover. when we talk about BM its like the life is sucked out of us. SD has nightmares of BM with blood coming out of her mouth saying "good bye" to her!!!!!! She has harmed us and the children soooooo much!!!!!!!
I just cry.