Here comes the shower drama.
So just now BM reached out via messenger to ask if we could bring one-two items of food for the baby shower. Already I'm annoyed. Yes, we didn't plan/bring anything to the gender reveal -which I think is dumb anyway- so it doesn't seem too unfair, but still I'm just annoyed. BM now has her mom living with her and her mom is a really good cook. SD's in-laws live out of state, so bringing stuff will be hard but I'm sure she will. But I mean BM is hosting it, not sure why we need to bring anything. With so many dozens of friends, the godmother, etc...I realize it's her dad, but not sure why we are being asked to bring stuff.
Already looking at sd's shower wish list is giving me hives, she chooses super expensive items of stuff - there are other brands of same items that are much cheaper. Don't get it.
I haven't replied- the bottom line is it will end up being on ME to not only purchase but prepare (unless I find a job between now and then)- DH will put everything off and say no - but then we look bad to SD of course -I guess if he doesn't care I shouldn't either. DH has always let things fall on me to order/prepare on holidays, special occassions, etc. I will pass on the mesage, let him deal with it. I have enough on my plate with my own life, my sons, all the pet care falls on me all the time too.
Honestly, even if out of state, sd's mil can cook very well- no reason they can't prepare dishes and bring in a cooler. Don't know if they are coming. It's ALL about precedence remember with BM- once she asks for this it will be asking for joint help w/birthday parties, christmases, etc...slowly worming her way back into relevance. I don't want ot help this woman do anything- I've moved mountains to get past lost of things, but helping w/food for the shower isn't want of them. She will also then turn around and see if we can come early to help set up or break down. She loves doing this.
No, I won't block her, we don't have animosity anymore, I see no reason to start being a drama queen now- SD certainly doesn't need that.
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Just the beginning.....
The part anout the expensive items on the wish list reminded me of SD and other females in our family. You and I know it's all a ridiculous gift grab and everyone would be better off if SD went to a nice resale shop. Whatever.
But here's my suggestion. Set an amount in your mind that you think is an appropriate shower gift from you. Do the same with wedding gifts, birthdays, etc. On every one of these public occasions, for all your and DH's children, do the exact amount you decided on, in cash. You're going for the boredom factor. After awhile, they'll all know your amount and you won't get as many of the elaborate hints about the wish list.
For people you're closer to, like your own kids, you can give and do more in private. But for a big blended family, this works well for the public gift occasions.
JRI, that's a good suggestion
JRI, that's a good suggestion! That's how I handled skid gifts: a set price. Depending on what they wanted, they could get one $$$ gift or several $ gifts.
Yes, this way she can spend
Yes, this way she can spend the money wisely, or waste in on overpriced merch, her loss.
If BM contacted you, text her
If BM contacted you, text her back and tell her you've passed her request on to DH to handle. Then do just that and tell DH it's on him. If he's not capable of preparing a dish, he can buy one. And if he doesn't want to bring anything, he can let BM know. I'd also let him choose and purchase the gift. He's got a registry to choose from, so it's easy shopping. He can probably order online. This is his daughter so he can handle it, especially if you're otherwise busy.
As for SD choosing expensive items, it sounds like that's her MO. But I think lots of first time moms are pretty picky about their baby stuff - they don't realize yet that they'll be using most baby gear for a very short period of time and that they don't need a lot of what is marketed to them. There *are* significant differences between cheaper brands and the top brands for some items, and not so much for others. My guess is that SD doesn't know which are which. In any event, I'd tell DH to stick to her registry and just get what he can afford.
Yes, pass on the request and
Yes, pass on the request and choose what you want as a gift. If someone is hosting, they should be in charge of the food. I'm sorry asking your ex's wife to bring something is weird.
Take a look at the items that
Take a look at the items that she wants and then shop around, find other brands with good ratings that will save $$. That is what I do, no matter who I am giving a gift for. I also know things that I loved as a new mom and will buy those even if they aren't on the list.
There was this bedside bottle cooler and warmer that was a GODSEND when my kids were babies! It is like $20 and I still buy it for everyone to this day. Even if they are nursing, you can pump and make dad take a night shift! I always get a thank you a couple of months down the road for that thing LOL
Same thing goes with food. I wouldn't commit to a certain dish if things are tight right now, but say that you will bring something sweet and "dip of some sort"- something that you can look around and find inexpensive recipes that aren't going to put a strain on you.
Bananaseedo, what about you
Bananaseedo, what about you purchasing the gift (or a gift card to one of the stores) and leave the rest to your DH? If he has to purchase a food item last minute, oh well.
I do not envy you. Not a fan of baby/wedding showers. Ish.
I don't find her ask as being
I don't find her ask as being unreasonable. Why can't all parents chip in a couple of dishes? I would expect DH and I to not go empty handed for this type of situation. You basically suggest that SD's MIL cook, so???
Buy off-registry... I always do because I find better gifts for people for much cheaper. Too bad. You don't like it, then you return it yourself, take the cash and go buy a $200 gravy boat. At least you're the stupid one in this case, not me. I would never shell out $200 for a gravy boat....my gawd. Yes, I have experienced this $200 gravy boat... lol.
Reddit has some subreddits for people eating on a budget. I bet you could find a recipe to feed the crowd for under $5. Check it out. You may get lucky. I think the subreddits are Cheap Meals and Eating on a Budget.
Is this a potluck where
Is this a potluck where attendees are expected to bring a dish? Or does BM just enjoy having control over you? That would dictate how I responded.
Your comment about SD's expensive gift requests made me chuckle remembering OSD46's gift registries.....wanting a $3000 coffee maker with her DH when they got married......and an insanely expensive baby stroller a few years later, all because Faith Hill was seen pushing the same baby stroller in their town.
And really, you should just be chuckling about the gift registry and that's it. I do absolutely no present picking for my SD's. That's DH's job. I pick out gifts for my own kids.