O/T Anyone else get the gears because of what the BM did????
My SOs ex cheated on him. That is why their marriage ended. Now I find if I ever talk to a guy that isn't him.... or talk to him about a guy that I ran into, anything of that nature.... he gets super mad!!
I've never had a jealous boyfriend before so this is all new... and STUPID!!! Seriously, he gets mad if I talk to someone I've known longer than him just because he's a guy!! Ran into a guy I used to work with and I've known him since we were teenagers!! I could see SO standing at the edge of the park giving me the evil eye like I was making out with the guy and not asking about how many kids he has and where he's living now etc.
This is actually starting to make me more mad than any issue I have with his kids!!! That is pretty mad... cause those kids drive me up the wall!!!
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I was just having this
I was just having this conversation with FDH yesterday! And yes, pisses me off big time. He knows it is his issue as I have done nothing to earn that and he is working on it.... still irritating as all get out though!
We had this issue at first
We had this issue at first also. DH worked nights and his ex cheated on him. He worked nights when we began our marriage. The guys at work also had issues (real or perceived-I don't know) with their wives cheating and comments were often made by DH about it. I told him it was his issue to get over- I don't cheat. His insecurity, not mine. It took awhile but he finally let the past go, but damn, the baggage he brought into the relationship from all that was exhausting.
my exdh got pissed at me
my exdh got pissed at me because i called my brother and his best friend and roommate answered the phone and said something that made me laugh.i got the death glare for daring to listen to him at all, and then (gasp!) LAUGHING at what he said! he tried to tell me i had to quit my job and be a waitress so i wouldn't be exposed to men. :? i'm pretty sure being a waitress would not only mean being exposed to men, but having to interact with them a lot more, too. dumb ass. he thought it was my problem that he was insecure. (and rightly so. he's ugly and stupid and has no worth or any kind).
This would actually drive me
This would actually drive me right out of a relationship. I know some people think men and women can't be friends, which I think is utter bullsh*t. Some of my longest and closest friends are men. I could never be with someone who had a problem with that. I also have no problems at all with my SO having female friends. If either of us wanted those people, we wouldn't be together, so that's that. We want to be with each other.
Anyway, I know some people feel differently, and that's fine if it works for their relationships, but it wouldn't work for mine. Nothing would drive me straight out of a relationship faster than jealousy. I would never allow someone to tell me who I could or couldn't be friends with.
My SO was cheated on as well.
My SO was cheated on as well. I have had to pretty much end every male friendship I have had. My SO also went through a bunch of old pictures I had downloaded on our computer. I honestly wasn't keeping them for anything personal I just didn't delete them because honestly I never used our home computer. I sit at work all day and am looking at a computer so the last thing I would do when I got home was get on our home PC. But my SO took that as a, "why are you hanging onto those pictures" type of thing. So I ended up deleting 7 years of my life to make him understand that that was my past. I also have remained friends with two of my ex's. Our relationships ended because it was mutual not for hateful things. BUT my SO again was uncomfortable with a casual hey how ya doin from an ex so I had to cut all contact. Even deleting their numbers from my phone. My ex believes if another man is talking to me or texting me or calling or even saying hi in a store that there are ALWAYS alterior motives involved on his part. And if I am welcoming of those that encourages the contact. Funny how he is like that and here he is with 124 friends on Facebook and maybe 12 are men the rest women...... and with his job he see's up to about 25 different women a day because they all work where he has to make deliveries and they just love him (i hear it) and I don't bat an eye. What ever. My mother always told me if he is going to cheat he is going to cheat no matter what you say or do.
Butterfly, please be careful.
Butterfly, please be careful. My first marriage sounds like what you describe. My ex started like you describe and I willingly cut off ties with just about all male friends but that wasn't enough. Before I was even aware of what was really going on, I was not talking to anyone besides him. I was cut off from all friends, male & female and then eventually from all of my family. I was in what turned out to be a very abusive (physically, mentally & emotionally) marriage for 8 1/2 years (we were married for 10, that's how fast it evolved)that was difficult to get out of because of his controlling ways. I understand every one is different but what you described and what I went through are what I know understand are classic methods of an abuser.
One other thing I wanted to
One other thing I wanted to add for butterfly, my ex used the excuse of feeling insecure. He was like your SO in the fact that it was okay for him to have female friends but heaven forbid if a guy so much as looked at me. Turns out, he was cheating during that time. I've heard other people say that the person worried about their partner cheating is usually the one who is doing the cheating.
I don't believe that to be the OP situation though...he was "wounded" and needs time to heal which I believe he will once he understands that this is his issue and that he needs to be careful not to drive BBG away with his insecurities...and that's just what this is, an insecurity and not necessarily jealousy. My hope for them is that they can work through this.
I was just talking about this
I was just talking about this the other day. My DH's EX cheated on him while he was at work and she was a SAHM.
So when we first got married and I was looking for a job DH would just drop by the house for the craziest reasons. It just hit me the other day what he was doing.
Of course, I was glad to see him and never minded him just popping in.
Once I went to work he was fine but if I have a day off and he's working he gets a little prickly over what I am doing.
I have to admit I get jealous
I have to admit I get jealous as crap. I try to keep it from showing but I know what my FDH used to be like. I know how women flock to him. He is just one of those men that are magnetic, they can't even help it. I fell for him and tried my best not to!! He is a good man now, and I truly don't believe he would ever hurt me or break my trust in him. But knowing his past sometimes makes crazy things go through my head. Especially since he is in home improvement and is in and out of lonely women's homes all day long... OH well... I got the ring, it is me he loves. I just have to remind myself of that sometimes.