New here but need SM advice please!
Step mom to 4 SK (3 SD 14 11 9 SS 7) with a HCBM. I hope someone can relate but i am loosing it. They are little spys for thier mom. They secretly will be on Facetime with her for hours while me and DH are clueless cuz we are busy doing house hold things. Its strange to me. The kids will stand outside of my bedroom door to listen to our private conversations. They record things around the home. The will shush each other if they start to speak about things in moms home. They also take things out my BS (4) bedroom such as underhwear, clothes, socks etc for thiere little brother. They question my 4 year old who buys him what if they notice he has somthing new. Im so frustrated and Both me and my husband work but im a bit of a penny pincher and get most of things second hand or usually i buy it because my husband is up to his neck in bills and child support etc. no biggie. We have spoken to them about this behaviour but nothing changes. Its very passive agressive so mu husband is clueless most times its even happening. What do i make if this? Is this normal behaviour? Am i over thinking? Any advice?
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Nope! Not overthinking it.
Nope! Not overthinking it.
1. Nanny came to catch them in the act.
2. Collect phones at pick up and give them back at drop off. Your house your rules.
3. Let them eavesdrop on a conversation with DH and Plant some juicy story, maybe about a trip to Disney for them and let the games begin. They might learn a life lesson when they find out it isn't happening.
4 You don't have to allow this to happen to yourself. Ur some boundaries around yourself.
^All of that.
^All of that.
I would not want them alone with my 4yo, interrogating him. He can tell them "ask my mom/dad".
Thanks i needed this i will
Thanks i needed this i will try this. I dont but is hard to be in so many places at once i have put cameras up so lets see if that helps.
Time for some fun.
Start photoshopping receipts, etc, for fake purchases. Bills of Sale for new high end cars. Vactions, Jewelry. Etc... Brochures for high end private schools for DS-4. Expensive clothes. Shoes, Spa receipts, etc....
Web cams all over the home. When they are standing outside of your bedroom door listening and recording, you and DH start the soundtrack for a raunchy porn movie. No need to actually have one. Just recreate what it would sound like.
When they feed all of it to BM and she looses her already batshit crazy mind, tell her that there have never been any purchases of the things she spouts on about.
When the nasty failed family progeny get toxic, take their phones the second they arrive for visitation, lock them up, and don't return them until they are leaving your home. Make sure the batteries are dead so they have to charge them when they get back to BM's.
Search their bags before they leave and recover the stolen things they are taking to BM for her newest nasty spawn.
Zero tolerance. Total immediate confrontation. Bare the SKids' asses and BM's.
Lather..... rinse..... repeat.
I would not tolerate BM's or the SSs' crap in my home if I were you.
The web cams are for your clueless DH as much as they are for keeping a hairy eyeball on BM's secret squirrel rodent Skid spies.
YES! I saw the same
YES! I saw the same suggestion on here maybe a year ago. Great way to deal with the eavesdropping issue. When they're standing behind the door, start talking about totally bogus fake gossip. Winning the lottery, solo trip to disney, buying a new car, etc. It will drive them MAD! Sometimes you have to learn the hard way...
This is funny
Seems cruel but tempting lol
Not to mention... fun!
Not to mention... fun!
Not cruel at all IMHO. It is effective.
The issue is the manipulative opposition parent driven Skid behavior. Not the monitoring system, cameras, recordings, or evening recording reviews with you, SO and the miscreant StepSpawn.
They do sneaky crap, they get their asses bared.
Lather.... rinse.... repeat.
Recording what goes on in the NCP/CP home with a cell phone to report back to the other parent, snooping, etc..... is not cruel. Having a Skid spy on their other parent to feed the toxicity of the shallow and polluted end of the Skid's gene pool is what is cruel.
Web cams, locks, audio recording devices, security systems, etc.... are great behavioral modification devices to get the SnoopySkid and their spy master parent back under their slime covered rocks at the bottom of the shallow and polluted end of their gene pool. These tools also can be integral to enforcing standards of behavior and standards of performance in your home in a difficult blended family situation.
IMHO.
If your DH doesn't think it's
If your DH doesn't think it's a big deal and is dismissing the behavior there isn't much you can do other than teach your kid to say "NO!" when cornered and run away, and to tell them "Please stop following me and recording me." if they are following you around with a phone.
You have a Major DH problem
He believes that there isn't much he can do? Where do you go from there. Exit plans. There is many thing he can do. One take the phones away when the SK arrives. Solve that problem. Ease dropping outside bedroom door. Install cameras, that have a view of outside bedroom door and punishment for sitting out side of door. Rules on phone using, FaceTiming, ect. M
Butbonce again DH is a bad parent. Going for his second fail marriage.
Thanks for ur response
Yes we both feel like our hand are tied. We have done it all cameras, reaching out to BM, taking the electronics away. Things will go great for a short time then back to same old s****. He shares the same feelings as i do but i understand why he trys to give the benifit of the doubt. Its hard to come to terms with knowing ur BM is alienating his babies.
Confiscate phones upon Skid
Confiscate phones upon Skid arrival for visitation and do not return it until the kid gets out of the car returning to the other parent. Period. Not just for a few hours or a day or two. Skid bags will be screened and their pockets checked upon arrival. Script the discussion tying it to their past behaviors.
Parental phone monitoring apps, etc... can help.
Remember, this is all in response to violations of the standards of behhavior and standards of performance for those in your home and life. Versions can apply to kids/Skids, SO, Xs, ILs, coworkers, bosses, etc....