You are here

  • Home
  • Blogs
  • BethAnne's blog
  • Judge signed the paperwork, DH has full legal custody...waiting to see if BM shows up on our doorstep accusing him of kidnapping

Judge signed the paperwork, DH has full legal custody...waiting to see if BM shows up on our doorstep accusing him of kidnapping

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Mon, 08/31/2020 - 3:26pm

Thanks to the magic of electronic communication we have a signed copy of the court order which gives my husband full legal custody of SD12 and which shows that she will be living with us during the accademic year. 

On Friday BM finally twigged that SD should have been on her way back to her state as school there starts on Thursday this week and she started messaging SD. DH told SD that her mother needed to contact him. There was a claim that she had lost his phone number but finally she actually contacted my husband on Saturday. My husband listend to her diatribe and accusations of abuse and kidnapping and she refused to listen to reason that petitioning a court for custody is not the same as kidnapping a child. 

BM stated that she was going to drive to our state (half way across the country) to retrieve SD, it is a two day drive minimum so she could show up anytime in theory. So we waited nervously. My husband spoke to SD about the situation and tried to explain it as best he could. He found out some more disturbing things about stuff that has been going on in BM's house from SD. He told SD that he understood if she wanted to live with her mother as he knows she loves her, but that he wanted her to try to understand why he thought it would be best if she lived with us. She said that she did understand and that she felt that it was less likely that DHS would take her away from our home than if she were at her Mother's. (Her little brother was taken into family foster care earlier this year due to medical neglect).  - I hate that a 12 year old even has to think in those terms. 

So technically we are still waiting to see if BM shows up. Personally I doubt she will, it is the end of the month, I doubt she has the gas money to make it. I doubt anyone would lend it to her. And now thanks to the new court order my husband does not owe her any child support tomorrow to fund her drive here. In fact, from 1st october she will owe him child support....I somehow doubt we will se that!

I have read through the paperwork and it looks like a poor copy and paste job by DH's lawyer so hopefully we can get that cleaned up a little. But it at least gives my husband something to show the police if BM shows up and causes trouble. Hopefully we can keep the police out of it, but we realise that it might be necessary. 

Comments

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Mon, 08/31/2020 - 3:45pm

We got one of the Ring systems so now I can see who is at the doors, or who has been there.  It is a reasonablle cost.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Mon, 08/31/2020 - 3:52pm

We've got a spy hole and windows to see who is at the door, and thanks to covid, we're at home pretty much all the time right now! We could do with a new door bell though so I will look into upgrading.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Mon, 08/31/2020 - 4:57pm

Well, congrats. Sounds like it's a good thing BM is too inept to really fight back.  Hopefully she won't get custody back of her poor diabetic toddler, either.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Tue, 09/01/2020 - 8:59am

Thanks. Her ineptitude is so confusing to me, it is beyond my abilities to imagine being in her situation and not doing something constructive to try to keep custody of my kids. 

I don't know the details of what is going on with her son, but I would imagine that if she can't even manage to arrange any visitation with him after months, that anything else she is supposedly doing to help get him back would be fruitless. I have had zero contact with this sort of thing though, so I don't know what type of logic courts opperate on with these cases. I do know that BM will have been assigned a lawyer for that case so she may stand a chance if she listens to her lawyer. From what I read there is a review after 12 months to decide if the child should be returned to his mother, or if he should be permanently removed from her care. In an ideal world she would magically mature into a more competent adult so that he can be raised by her, but I doubt that is going to happen so he is probably better off living with his Uncle and Aunt permanently. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 08/31/2020 - 5:03pm

Congratulations.

I am happy that this young person now has a chance at a reasonably normal life.

I would suggest that you have your attorney generate a cease and desist order notifying BM that she cannot enter your property.  Her threats of kidnapping SD may also be enough for your to get an RO/PO keeping her at a distance from SD.

I would get all of that in order ASAP so you have every tool at hand for protecting SD and your family from this toxic BM.

Good luck.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Tue, 09/01/2020 - 9:08am

Thanks. We think that her future looks a lot better if we can give her a good start from our home. 

BM was accusing my husband of kidnapping SD as the old routine was that SD would be returned to her mother's care around this time of year ready for school after spending the summer with us. The legal situation got delayed due to covid, courts and difficulty serving BM so that we only recivied verification that it went our way yesterday. School starts in BM's state on Thursday this week, so we had deliberately not arranged transportation back yet and where hoping that everything would go through on time. It has been pretty stressful waiting while the school start date rapidly approached. Fortunately it all got done just about in time. 

We have a copy of the new court order sitting by the front door ready to show the police if BM shows up here so we are confident that they will read that and tell BM that SD has not been kidnapped by us.