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BettyRay's picture

Submitted by BettyRay on Mon, 11/03/2014 - 3:51pm

So BM's SO is a child-of-divorce. His SM and BM were BFFs who shopped and hung out together.

BM's SO feels that it's important that we (as in BM, her SO, DH and me) have good relationships to make it easier on the Skids. BM's SO has invited us over to their house for dinner.

Don't know how I feel about this. I just think the evening will be uncomfortable. BM usually ignores me; I'm polite to her - Hello & Good-Bye is about the extent of it.

DH says that this dinner will not happen because BM has no follow through and sounded like she wasn't thrilled with the idea when she told DH about it.

I'll keep you posted.

~BettyRay

Comments

Teas83's picture

Submitted by Teas83 on Mon, 11/03/2014 - 4:18pm

I don't think it should be up to BM's SO to arrange any kind of get-together. If your DH and BM want to get along for the sake of the kids, let them decide that.

z3girl's picture

Submitted by z3girl on Mon, 11/03/2014 - 4:31pm

^THIS^

In my case, BM and DH are barely civil. It doesn't matter how I feel about BM because DH refuses to ever be in the same place as BM. At SD23's college graduation, we didn't even see each other at all during the ceremony. We didn't go to SD's breakfast that morning because DH refused to sit at the same table with BM. We went to SD's sorority dinner party after the graduation, and BM stayed in the house it was at while DH and I stayed outside. That's the closest we'll ever get to BM. No SO of BM will ever be able to change that!

new to this's picture

Submitted by new to this on Mon, 11/03/2014 - 4:22pm

This!! We have been suspecting the BM of poisoning her DH she has now, he started getting really sick after they got married, was the picture of health before. She can't have any kids by him in order to hook him for money so life insurance would be her next option, and YES she is that evil!

Glassslipper's picture

Submitted by Glassslipper on Mon, 11/03/2014 - 4:19pm

Oh my, that is a confirmation on the awkward file...
not a snowballs chance in hell I would come within 30 feet of BM, much less at a dinner party...

kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Mon, 11/03/2014 - 4:24pm

Your DH needs to "score your side some points" with BM by saying, "Gosh, I just don't feel that would be a good idea. I appreciate your making the effort but I feel it will confuse the kids more if we all start spending time together. I prefer to keep things cordial, as we always have. It seems to work well for us." Because I'd bet her SO is driving her crazy about this...so this way she gets to say "well, my ex and his wife don't want to do this, I tried" and you also let her off the hook because you jsut know she doesn't want to hang out any more than you do.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Mon, 11/03/2014 - 6:00pm

My BM's house is filthy. I wouldn't eat anything she prepared. Plus I can't tolerate her in 15 minute gulps, no way I'm spending a whole evening with her.

I think it's more important kids understand there are boundaries. Jolly for her SO that it worked out so well for him but other kids wonder why if they get along so well why do they have to be divorced? Very common confusion for kids. And most of us adults have no interest or obligation to spend one more moment than we have to with some person we don't like and would never have chummed up with on our own.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Mon, 11/03/2014 - 10:12pm

I tried this with BM. Had several dinners with her and her BF. Bad idea!!! It made things worse in the long run.

Recently tried this with my ex and his GF....yeah...did not work either.

Keep it simple. Email and be kind. And stay away from them!!!! It does not work to be friends...at least in my experience.

BettyRay's picture

Submitted by BettyRay on Tue, 11/04/2014 - 8:54am

Thanks for the responses!

BM wasn't too keen on the idea when she brought it up to DH. DH didn't give her an answer either way.

I know for some step situations this works but honestly for ours I think being together at school/skid functions is enough. I know BM's SO is new on the scene but really - why now :? - the Skids are 12 & 17, almost adults. This is the time when parental involvement tapers off.

In addition, in my case BM isn't someone I'd be friends with even if I'd met her under different circumstances.

~BettyRay