Is that an order?
VM messaged me about BJ's upcoming bday party. She said that she would like us to be there because last year, we weren't. Then she wants to know why her dad hasn't been answering her texts, and claims it's been 2 months that he's been ignoring her.
First of all, she missed DS7's 6th and 7th bday parties, and his preschool and Kgarten graduations, and she missed DS2's 2nd bday party. I never said a word about it, because I don't expect everyone I invite to show up, and I don't expect anyone to make it to EVERYTHING. People get invited, they will either come or they won't. I don't feel that anyone owes me an explanation if they don't come. She does expect an explanation. If we miss ANYTHING, *I* get grilled about why weren't we there. Why is she asking me about it? I'm just the SM. Why isn't she asking her dad, as that should be what matters? It pisses me off. I am an adult, with my own kids and my own life. If SO doesn't make the events she invites us to a priority, I'm sure as shit not going to make it a priority. I should NOT be expected to answer to her about why I wasn't there, as if I'm a kid caught skipping school.
Her message rubbed me all sorts of the wrong way. I told SO about it, and told him it pisses me off that she's basically implying that our attendance at this party is mandatory because we didn't go last year. I pointed out everything she never went to and that I don't ask questions about it. Yet she has the nerve to act like this. He was pissed, too. I also wondered aloud how she expects me to know why he's not answering her texts. It's not my phone. I don't even know how to use his phone. I don't know when he gets texts or if he answers them! I suspect she is once again blaming me. Any time SO does or doesn't do something that angers her, she finds a way to make it my fault. So I suppose she thinks I'm checking his phone while he's asleep (he's a 3rd shifter) and deleting her texts. Well, I'm not.(She and her DH, who claim to be so in love with each other, get into each others phones and fight about what they find all the time). I told her I don't know why he hasn't answered her, and that I didn't know she was texting him. I told her his work schedule is what determines if we can go or not. He works every Saturday, sometimes on Sunday, and sometimes for 10 or 12 hours. He's a supervisor, time off is not something he gets a lot of. Not to mention, he's on 3rd shift. So he is sleeping during the hours that everyone else is out living their lives. I don't know if we'll go or not. I'm not reminding him about it. That's not my job. If he remembers and wants me to go with him, I will. I'd rather not. But I will. IF he remembers. If not, like I said, I won't be bringing it up.
I'm really sick and tired of being questioned by her all the time, I'm sick of her asking me shit she should be asking him, and I do NOT appreciate her implying that I have to be there next weekend. I don't fucking take orders from anyone, least of all, her. I don't fucking HAVE to go to anything I don't want to go to. The quickest way to get the exact opposite out of me than what you want is to start getting demanding with me. I may just have to tell him that I need to get my homework done and that it would be really helpful if he would take the kids and let me stay home if he remembers and wants to go....
Comments
SM Motto: Ignore the whore.
SM Motto: Ignore the whore.
Ignore the whore Ignore the
Ignore the whore
Ignore the whore
Ignore the whore
Hi bi! It's a catch-22, and
Hi bi!
It's a catch-22, and we get the blame for our spouses' apathy. I used to handle all the relational stuff for my DH. Thought I was being a good lil wifey and shoring up his poor communication skills. If not for me, his kids and FOO would never have seen him or ever gotten a return call. I wasted a lot of time and energy forcing things, and no one appreciated my efforts anyway, so I quit doing it all. Then I was accused of keeping him from his family! You just can't win.
If these men wanted to be present, they would be. Regardless of the hours they work or other commitments and responsibilities, they would make it happen. Their relationships are their responsibility. You're plenty busy with your own kids. Tell just that to Virgin Mary, and then stop answering when she calls. This has been going on for far too long.
I've been thinking about
I've been thinking about this, and it really falls under the same category as her reasons for getting pissed off about a lot of things. She has this perfect Disney family in her mind. That is what she wants her life to be. Anyone who does anything that goes against that fantasy gets her wrath. She wants us there because she wants to show BM's family, her in laws, and her friends what a perfect life she has. When she got pregnant for BJ, she thought SO would be the doting grandfather and would be taking her kid fishing every weekend and keep him overnight, etc. He wasnt' that kind of father to her. He's not that kind of father to our boys. But she thought since she was giving birth to BJ (hence, the nickname), everything was going to change. She seriously thought that HER child was going to change everything. All of the past would be let go and we would all hold hands and sing Kumbaya because she brought forth this precious angel child for all of us to dote on together. Well that's not how things have went. (SURPRISE!!!!)
So she's pissy because we're ruining her fantasy. She's been pissy with BM for not being the kind of gramma she wants her to be. Well, she wasn't a very good mother, so why did you expect more out of her as a grandmother? My mom sucked as a mother. Badly. She also sucks as a grandmother and I never expected her to not suck. I get irritated with her, but I'm never shocked or disappointed at her behavior, because I know what to expect. She doesn't have a maternal bone in her body, she didn't suddenly sprout grandmotherly instincts when I had a child. But then again, I'm sane, so that might be why I never expected a miracle.
Her whole life would probably be easier if she would just accept reality rather than get pissed off that she isn't living a Disney channel life with a Disney channel family. You would think at some point, she would figure it out. This kid is almost 3. T2C is almost 1. I understand she wants her dad to be at her kids' bday parties. But again, she misses her brothers events constantly, so why is she making a BFD out of us not being there last year, when she hasn't been to anything in 2 years? She was at DS7's 5th party. I strongly suspect the main reasons she showed up were 1) her kid was 5mos old and she wanted to show him off and shove him in my face since I had never had anything to do with him and 2)SO didn't know I sent her an invitation (to the wrong address so she never got it, but I didn't know she moved) and he invited her himself and told me as we pulled into the venue, so I'm sure VM thought I had no idea she would be there and I would be livid and she wanted to make a point that I CANNOT exclude her from her brother's life. (SO was being shady to not tell me he invited her himself, and I know he waited because he thought I would be pissed). Funny how she can show up if she thinks I didn't invite her, but if she's invited and knows it, then it's not so important. Well, she has something to prove when it comes to her kids. When it comes to mine, it's not so important to her to maintain the fairy tale life that she probably tells her in laws and friends she has, because they aren't going to be there to see it.