Stupid
Please check comments. I have been trying for 2 days to post. PMed Dawn, no reply. Got one blog to post but only had 10 blahs in the OP titles trying to post. I was able to post my blog as a comment but it doesn't look like anything real is posted and I do need help learning to LET it go!!!!
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So DH has gaurdenship of
So DH has gaurdenship of SGD11. He just had her move back in with her mom about a month ago. She was on a course to destroy our marriage and he honestly has no control over her.
My daughters pictures come up, well it is the beginning of the school year. They all just got new clothes. Not going to go get anymore. SGD school pictures come up, DH tells me he is going to get her a new outfit. I asked why? We just got them all new clothes. His answer....because he wants to do something nice for her. This has been hard for him. Can't he just do something nice for her? I said. Ok and let it drop. It bugged me but not a hill to die on.
DD11 has an IEP for learning disabilities. She is busting her butt. Her progress report came in the mail. 3.25 GPA. 4 A's, 2 B's and 1 D. The D is in English. Her reading level is a grade below. I have never let them modify her work. I always said she will get there, give her time. But this report card is AMAZING for her!!! Talked with DH told him I wanted to get her a new outfit and a pedicure (after I asked you all for advice). He asked me why are you getting her a new outfit?? I wanted to punch him. SGD half asses life and because he wants to do something nice he goes and spends $140 at Target (way more then one outfit, I'm not stupid) but I have to explain rewarding DD??!?!?!!!?!?
I haven't said a word about it to him. I explained it and he was fine with it all. It is just the very fact and that I have lived this for 3 yrs. my DS9 is a grade ahead, DD is doing her absolute best... But we should reward SGD for breathing today.
It really gets to me. Always has. Probably always will. I have to learn to let this go. I have stepped up and go and reward my kids no matter what. I have closed my mouth about SGD. She is gone, and life is 98% better.
He will continue to reward her being alive and I have decided it is not worth my marriage. And I will continue to reward my kids for real achievements.
BS was rewarded with an air-soft gun (magazine stays in our room) and lunch out for his Learning period. He is at a charter that is home schooling with classes at the center. Just had a learning period end with a meeting with his main teacher. 1st 6 week period and he is already be told to slow down or he is going to run out of work.
I just really really really really hate that DH rewards SGD just for being. Really really HATE it!!!!!!!!!!
New add-on to this
Is DH really so stupid???? How does he fall for this crap???????
SD calls... SGD has school pictures but I am broke so I told her the week after I'll get her an outfit and her pictures done. DH... Don't worry I'll get her an outfit and buy pictures
SD calls... I'm broke and can't afford 5th grade camp I'm going to apply for the scholarship. DH... Oh, don't do that I'll pay for it.
SD calls...I don't know if I can afford to get SGD all the stuff for camp so I'm going to borrow a sleeping bag. DH... Oh, don't do that lol buy it and anything you can't get.
He believes it was all his idea to pay. Doesn't see SD called for just that... To get him to pay. And I hate him doing this.
We are a team, a family, life partners, talk about everything. I discuss everything about my kids with him. But SD and SGD are different. He does whatever he wants and I have no say. Counselor has told me to give it 6 months. 6 months of personal and marriage counseling and SGD to be back at SDs and then the counselor will start this conversation.
Working on letting it go.... But it makes me mad
Way to go for your daughter!
Way to go for your daughter! Awesome! Happy for you both!
Thank you!!! It has been
Thank you!!! It has been really awesome to watch her the last 2 school years. Last year she raised her reading level 3 grades!!!!! She has a 100% in science!! I am so proud and inspired by her. Years of struggling, always have to work for it and now it is coming together
It's a hard situation for
It's a hard situation for everyone. It isn't that I don't want anything going to them. Or for him to only care about my kids. He has a BD25 and her and I get along great. She lived with us for 2 years.
No, he didn't raise SGD her whole life. He had her for 1 yr at the time we got together. She has RADs and has left bruises on me. Hit me, kicked me, I have video of her trying to throw her mattress at me. It has been pretty horrible. He never disciplined SGD. In fact she just got more 1 on 1 time with DH. He would be gone at work for 3 days and home for 3 days. I would be taking care of SGD while he was gone. He would come home and only spend time with her. Didn't want to form a bond with my DD because it might upset SGD but I'm suppose to take care of SGD.
I'm honestly wondering ...
I'm honestly wondering ... Does it really come across as I only want him to be apart of my kids life and not SD or SGD??
That is not how I feel at all. I want DH to not be taken advantage of. I want them to respect him. I want him to stand up for our marriage. If he didn't wan a relationship with my bios... Ok. I would figure it out on my own. I was before him. But I think it is wrong for him to want me to be "mom" to SGD and him not build a relationship with my bios. I think it is wrong that my bios have had to have me divided by 3 when he is at work, and then he comes home an focus on SGD. I feel like there has been a huge off balance. He victimizes SGD. Nothing is ever her fault and her life is the most horrible ever.
In fact he has even told me, when we moved in together it was harder for SGD then your bios. She has never had to share me. Even now that she is back with her mom, she is the only grand kid that gets 1 on 1 time with him.
He could try to argue that.
He could try to argue that. But her IEP states a D is not failing. We are not talking about a normal kid with a D. We are talking about a learning disabled child. Her teacher offers extra credit for reading a set number of books. She is on top of that.