Hard feelings... Sad times
My partner's BM moved out with their just turned 1 year old son back in early 2021. My partner would sit in BS’s nursery and cry himself to sleep on the floor next to the crib, missing his son. My partner & I have been dating for about 3 months after they moved out. He now has BS every other weekend. Myself & my BS16 just moved in with my partner at the beginning of June. My partner is having the hardest time adapting to having a full house with a kid that is not his AND that is a teenager (when he hasn't even really had the chance to raise a baby to toddler). He is struggling with the change of his son’s room into the boy’s shared room. We have a 2 bedroom house. I have my BS full time. Makes sense to just have the boys share a room since we only have his son every other weekend.
The issue that we are having is this change in the decor. I want to take down the baby woodland decals and all the little signs from the “baby” room and make this more age appropriate for both boys. I even suggested that he and his son pick out glow in the dark astronaut decals and they decorate the walls together when my son visits his dad for one of the upcoming weekends. This way he can make new memories with his son as he is growing. Make a more positive memory in that room. My BS is easy going and thinks that space decals are fine. He does not care for the baby decals though. He will NEVER say anything to my partner to upset him, thankfully. What other suggestions should I make to help my partner with this?
- Bizzybribri's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Rapid changes like this are not easy for anyone involved.
Do not sacrifice yourself or your own son in this challenging situation. Your BF is hip deep in dealing with grief, an infant child, and an X.
A bit early for him to be cohabitating with a new partner.
IMHO.
Take care of you.
Teenager and Toddler
I have to agree with Rags. That living situation must be uncomfortable for your son. What teenager would want to share a room with a toddler? What if the baby wakes up in the middle of the night? How would he be able to have friends over?
Does your house have a basement? If so, maybe you can turn part of it into his room. It would be a nice way to give him his own space.
Your partner is stuck in the
Your partner is stuck in the past and not ready for a new life and relationship. If I were you I'd firstly worry about my son. Don't hurt him trying to please and help an adult who doesn't know what they want.
I agree with those above.
I agree with those above. Even if your son doesn't complain, it's got to be miserable sharing a room with a baby/toddler. If you can possibly get a different living situation where your son gets his own room, that would be preferable. Also, if your partner was crying himself to sleep on the floor of the room, and is still very upset that it's not his son in it every night, how comfortable is that for your son? You can't help your partner with this. You can't do the emotional work for him. I would recommend trying to get him into counseling. A different home would be better for your partner, too. As long as he has to look at that same room, he will struggle, and it sounds like he is REALLY struggling.
Teenagers can’t share a bed room
With a 1 to 2 yo. You must figure a way to get an additional bedroom.
Another vote for
He's not ready to date again. This reminds me of the early days when Chef would sob uncontrollably over his three ferals. Yes it is a loss but men have to realize that the baby momma will most likely push them out of their children's lives after the breakup. There is zero disincentive for women to do this in the courts.
Had I known then what I know now, I would run for the hills!!! But back then I was "soooooo in loooove" (TM)
That love and respect fades fast when guilty daddy raises his ugly head and he starts picking on YOUR bios for no good reason.
Move out with you and your son and have a casual relationship with him from afar if you must, but if you are under 45, you can still find a childFREE man.
Everyone else has already
Everyone else has already said it. This isn't going to go well for anyone involved. Don't chose a grown man's feelings over your son's- you only get one shot to be a good mom.
You guys need a bigger place, period.