I met my husband in my homestate about a year and a half ago. He has two kids aged 11 and 8 that he has full custody of. Not to long after meeting him I moved in with him. Then not too long after that we all moved to his homestate 1800 miles away, and in with his mom. This was supposed to be a temporary situation, next month it'll be a year that we've lived with her. I've been married to my husband for 4 1/2 months now. My husband cut ties with the kids mom about 6 years ago because of some illegal things that she was apparently wrapped up in. There has been no effort on the biological mothers part to make contact with her kids.

So to understand things a little better I'm going to have to give a brief history. Six years ago my husband was in the Army and he was at the time stationed in Iraq. At this point him and his ex-wife were in the process of getting a divorce and she had the kids with her, until his mom found out what was going on. As you can imagine there were a lot of court proceedings and what not and my husband got full custody of the kids. While he had to finish out his time in the Army the kids went to stay with his mom. So to make a long story short his mom has been very involved in the lives of his kids. This fact is perfectly fine. However, fast forward to the present time and well it isn't going so well. While it has only been a very short time that the kids and their father have been in my life I have grown to love them all very much and consider the kids my own. Please keep in mind that I'm extremely thankful and grateful to my husband's mom for she has done above and beyond what she could ever do for us. I'm tryly indebted to her.

The last few months I have seen myself become increasly angry on a daily basis and the little things are starting to stack up. I've tried to talk to my husband but to no avail. He doesn't understand "what my problem is". My problem being that even though we're living under his mom's roof I feel that we should be trying to become a family if we're going to make this work, instead I end up feeling like I'm just a person taking up space. Like my decisions and how I'd like to be a team player in helping raise the kids doesn't matter. The kids don't treat me with a whole lot of respect and when I say something to my husband he tells me I'm over reacting. Which, I might be. I feel like his mom coddles the kids. For example when I tell them something they run to her because she's helped raise them for six years and she contradicts what I say unless I'm in the same room. They "tattle" to her when I tell them no.

Most mornings the kids wake up super early and crawl into bed with their grandmother. I wasn't raised this way so I have a super big problem with this. For one I guess I'm jealous because it's apparent the kids can't come to me, so I feel myself shutting them out more and more every day and becoming a "witch" and being mean. Another reason I don't like this is because I've given them certain tasks to do in the morning and then they're supposed to get ready for school right after, well they don't do what I've asked them to do because they're upstairs in their grandmother's bed. This kind of goes along with their grandmother contradicting what I say. I've tried to be a very patient person because I realize that the kids and their grandmother have a very special bond and because we live under her roof. However, I believe that it's time for her to start "pushing" the kids away a little at a time so my husband and the kids and I have a real chance at becoming a family. Am I wrong in this assumption?

Have I also mentioned that my husband decided, without me, to try and open up the lines of communication with their biological mother so the kids can see her? I'm not sure if I should be worried about this or not. I understand the kids wanting to see their mother and I'm okay with that but given the past history and the fact that my husband made this decision without me sort of upsets me.

Can someone please tell me how to be a more pleasant person in this whole situation? I feel like this is eating me up and I really don't know what to do to change this. I know I'm not the same person that I was a year ago and I really just don't know what to do.