Out of the darkness and into the light
Long time lurker - first time poster. Waves hello to all!
I've lurked here for the last 6 months or so. I've laughed with you, cried with you and shared your joys and misery. So I decided to step into the light.
I am a stepmother of 34 years. Lord that sounds like a long time, doesn't it?
I have a SD 40 and a SS 39 no bios of my own. We were noncustodial parents back in the day when the BM was automatically awarded physical custody.
My epiphany, if you will, came last summer during what I call "The Day The Music Died." I will blog more about that later. Just know that each and everyone of you here helped me through some very dark days, indeed.
I came into my skids lives when they were 5 and 4 and married East Texas (my DH) when they were 6 and 5. Those of you with young skids have my utmost love and respect.
Like so many of you, I was determined to make this work. I did my utmost to love them, care for them and treat them as if they were my own.
Like so many of you, I also had psycho BM and all HER issues. Sadly, I will blog later about the death of BM and how it affects skids, DH, and, yes, even you.
Skids have 4 grandskids. Been there for the birth of all four - still resented, still treated as an outsider. Sigh!
This last year has been a journey for me - a long time coming sad to say. I've lost nearly 45 pounds, turned 60 and learned to disengage. 
Stepmonster, indeed! LOL!
- Bluebonnet's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Was the struggle when they
Was the struggle when they were children worth it?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. For you see, I know (and East Texas does, too, on some level) that I did the right thing.
I did the very best I knew how. I never had a stepmother so I just kinda winged it.
They always called me Bluebonnet and I always told them I was not there to take their Mother's place. I was their friend.
Yeah for Bluebonnet, right?
As in all stepfamilies - we've had our ups and downs.
At the end of the day, when all is said and done, I love them - always have and always will.
Nah, crayon, but I do wish I
Nah, crayon, but I do wish I had listened more to my friends/family when I was in LURV with this man before we tied the knot.
All hell broke loose last September when I disengaged, too. Can you say WWIII? Uh yeah! Still ongoing skirmishes, too.
One thing East Texas is finding out - Bluebonnet is as stubborn as a Missouri mule! I'm DONE! All caps intentional and not meant to shout.
I will tell you that we had another incident over the weekend. Had another little chat last night and he, sheepishly, had to admit that disengaging makes for a happier Stepmonster. LMAO!
Thank you and congratulations
Thank you and congratulations on the grandskids!
I will do a blog on the death of the BM but just to give you a "tease" - yes, they put her up on a pedastal now. Used to be I was "Grandma" per SD (aka the Princess). She insisted on this at the birth of DSGS #1. Now I am "Grandma Bluebonnet."
Ummmmkay!
How does it feel to be told by grandskids - "You're not my family." Guhreat! Who's PASing now?
Welcome! So glad to have
Welcome!
So glad to have you step into the light! I'm sure you have lots of experience and insight from your years on-the-job and I certainly look forward to hearing more.
I had a really weird dream about the future this weekend, in which SS(now11) was grown (30's) and still living with BM and calling DH to come over on a Sunday morning to help him mow the lawn, with BM there fixing them drinks... it really FREAKED me out...
Anyway, can't wait to hear more from you!
Welcome Bluebonnet! Glad
Welcome Bluebonnet!
Glad you've stepped into the light and made your presence be known. Very symbolic for being a SM, don't you think? You just "lurked" in the darkness and sat back and read without us even knowing you were here!! LOL! Now you're proudly coming out with a blog for us to share your experiences with you! Very similar to what all SM's go through in their relationships & lives, no??
There are many, many wonderful people here - so glad you've joined us!! I hope you will find this site as AMAZING as I did and still do. It literally saved my relationship with my NOW FDH - not to mention my sanity!!!
I'm REALLY looking forward to your stories, input and advice. I've always strongly believed in LEARNING through mentors and others who have MUCH MORE experience with something than I do!!! Compared to my 7+ years, you have MANY MORE years of experience over me (my fskids were FSD9 & FSS6 when I met FDH, now they are FSD16 & FSS13 - AAAAHHHHH!!! lol!!)
Awww jenw you said it
Awww jenw you said it PERFECTLY!!
"Together, we are all getting stronger day by day, baby steps and I love myself more and more (like the good old days)."
I couldn't agree with you more!! Well put, jenw!
Ahhh, the good old days...BEFORE we met our DH's/FDH's/SO's and we didn't even know that the exW's/BM's or the skids existed!!! We had absolutely NO IDEA what this crazy StepLife was all about. LOL!!!
jen - you totally hit the
jen - you totally hit the nail on the head! I, too, feel like my old self again.
I feel like this ginormous weight has been lifted and I am free! Free as a bird!
This last year has been a journey to love me, again. Not East Texas, not the Princess, not the High Sheriff (SS), not the grandskids but me.
Took me 60 years to do this but I am determined to find out who Bluebonnet really is and to love her unconditionally.
Thank you all so much for the
Thank you all so much for the warm welcome. Some of you I feel like I know.
BTW, I forgot to mention that I live in The Great State of Texas!
My hope is that I can tell my story and offer some hope to ya'll.
Because there is hope for each of us, you know? When the times get the toughest and the skids are out of control and the raging fights between the exes are going on - hopefully, we can come here and console and learn from one another.