Green eyed monster coming out…
My situation is different from most. My husband is disabled and cannot drive (legally blind). BM helps out and drives him places he needs to go whenever I have to work. Sunday they went to church (I didn’t go because I was sick) and later ate lunch at a place the kids wanted to eat (my stepkids). BM's husband knew about it and was fine with it. She texts him random things about the kids which I guess is reasonable because it’s his kids. She texted him saying she brought SD9 to the nail salon to have her nails taken off (acrylics). I mean he has every right to know about his kids, I know. Also, we all get along great. We do things together. I just get a twinge of jealousy from time to time. I don’t want to, but I do. Would this make you jealous or bother you? Giving his situation, it helps out a lot that she offers to take him places. The kids are with them at all times. Thoughts? She is also married and has a kid with her husband and he doesn’t seem to mind.
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I think
If shes not flirty or inappropriate, that it would be great if you were able to somehow join them...create memories of you in there.
Make sure and take a lot of
Make sure and take a lot of pictures, too!
You know the answer to this.
You know the answer to this. This is your life. In your life, your opinion matters. You matter. I've read your post history (histories?), and you know.
Personally Iwould not be
Personally Iwould not be super happy if my DH was spending that much time with his EX. I actually don't think it's that cool for him to be relying on her.. you should do it.. or you should workk with him to arrange things so eitheryou can do it.. or hire an uber etc.. the money spent will be worth it in breaking the enmeshment.
yeah, on further thought
I definitely wouldnt like it either.
Not sure if its possible to change it but I would try to.
Hun
What you are feeling is quite natural in this difficult situation.
I didnt realize your DH was blind. That is a big hurdle to navigate.
On one hand its great that you get this help, but on the other hand when the help is BM thats a hard one.
I agree with Esmod above and her advice.. Most women would find this enmeshment difficult. The message to the skids would be very confusing for them. This also places you in a sister wife sitch.
Blessings
Couldnt be me....Idc if my
Couldnt be me....Idc if my husband is disabled, I would not be ok with exes hanging out and going out/spending all day together
However, you cant be critical because you choose to rely on the ex for support of your husband and his disability
How much of BM's "support" is
How much of BM's "support" is really necessary, though? If OP is sick and can't drive them to church, maybe her husband could, idk, stay and comfort her? He didn't HAVE to go with the ex. Dr appts. Could they be made when OP can drive him? If not, Uber or a medical transportation service? If he has Medicaid, transportation is free in most states and something tells me he isn't rich. I don't think it's OP who relies on BM. She says "we" but i think it's because she's so brainwashed she can't distinguish her needs from the needs of DH and the skids.
With the updates about the
With the updates about the skids, does he drop everything at the moment and respond? He can just let non important texts just sit there. He does NOT have to reply every time she's makes contact. Voicemail is there for a purpose, to screen calls and take messages for later.
I also agree that he needs to find MORE independence from her. What would he do if she died? He find another way to function. Their relationship died so he needs to move on. Scary I bet but doable.
eta: What would he do if YOU left him?? Ask him that when trying to get through to him.
I don’t think this Op is a troll
Who could make this up? I think that these issues with pictures and social media you've posted about are a symptom. Like a "Stepford Wife" robot glitching. You are trying so hard to be this cool, obedient, selfless person who lives her life only for the benefit of your husband and stepkids. Don't you want to have someone, somewhere, who puts you first? Look around. If you don't see that person, BE that person! It does not make you a monster, green-eyed or otherwise.
I couldn’t get past the
I couldn’t get past the acrylic nails on a 9 year old, who does that?
Same here. Who does that?
Same here. Who does that?
One of my daughters asked to be allowed to get acrylic nails at age 15. I said ok but you pay for them and you ensure the maintenance. It took about 2months for her to realise that not only was it expensive but it ruined her nails. Since then, she alternates stick-on nails and intensive nail care.
She was old enough to understand... makes a huge difference.
I love this answer!
I love this answer!
Why does a 9 year old have a
Why does a 9 year old have a acrylics though?
She does beauty pagents.
She does beauty pagents.
I would never be ok
With my SO hanging out with there ex. The person they had sex with, Your husband disabilities isn't going away. Are you think his ex is going to be in your life forever ? He must fend for himself. No ex in your life.
You said she takes him places
You said she takes him places where he "needs" to go. But that's not what's happening. They just go places together.
I'd be ok if BM (if she was a decent person) took DH to the hospital if he's sick or extremely important medical appointment if I am not in town or something. But again that's not is happening.
You were sick and he went to church and out to eat with BM. Why? It's not anything he "needs" to do. It's not even about jealousy. It's just not what divorced people do. They don't leave their spouses home to go out with exes. It's also unclear why BM doesn't go to church with her own DH and then out to eat? And they have a child together!
if DH is disabled, you two need to look into medical transportation options.