SD9 doesn’t want me and her dad to go on vacation with her…

So all of us (BM, her husband, & my step kid’s little sister, my husband, me, step kid’s grandparents and aunt and uncle) are all going on vacation. It was decided last minute that me and my husband are going because we found out we can take off work then. BM told SD9 that we were going and she said “i thought it was just us” with a pouty face which basically implies she doesn’t want us to go. How would you feel? I would like a family picture but since she doesn’t want us to go I feel sad. She honestly wants to do stuff with me so I don’t understand why she’s acting this way. BM wants us to go on vacation.

Should I ask SD or BM about it or let it be?

#biodad #stepmom #stepdaughter #biomom

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why on earth would you and

why on earth would you and your SO go on vacation with his EX??? That's weird and way too enmeshy for me.

As far as the girl's reaction.. maybe she is uncomfortable with the closeness? maybe she feels smothered? who knows.. I would not pin a lot of weight on a look on a 9 year old's face..

IMHO a 9 yo doesn't dictate these kind of decisions.. but I wouldn't be going on vacation... not with my DH's ex. nopety nope noperoo

Yes

Very weird group. You are not one big family (DH and BM are divorced).

I would not vacation with BM and her clan, but rather take SD9 on a separate vacation.

wouldn't Vacation? Hell, I

wouldn't Vacation? Hell, I wouldn't piss on BM if she were on fire.

Oh my, NINE of you going on

Oh my, NINE of you going on vacation together?! Including his ex and her hubby? I thik SD's opinion would be the least of your worries. I cannot imagine a group vacation like this without shuddering. Do you actually WANT to go? Or is this all being dictated by BM?

Serious question - when is

Serious question - when is the last time you and your husband went on vacation without BM? With or without the skid(s)? Even if it was last weekend, i hope you and your husband use this time to go somewhere, just the two of you. ETA - and take lots of pictures!

This is not real!!!!!!!!

Last thing in the world I would do is go on vacation with the EX. My EX's parents. Two people who used to sleep together,,made kids,,, And you want to be with them. I personally did not want to be in the same town as the ex. Same room only for major events in life. Just never...never....vacation. SD is right..it's weird. I with her ( then again the ex was known to cut people's throat... it happen )

I'll admit the whole

I'll admit the whole vacationing w/ the ex and her spouse is weird to me but if it's your normal then I hope you have a good trip. As for the child wanting you guys left off the travel tic, I hope her parents let her know that they will always listen to her opinions but they are the parents and they make the final decisions.

I mean this kindly:

I think your closeness with BM, your obsession with pictures, and this need for family cohesiveness is grating on your SD. These Hallmark blended families are super rare, and they only work when EVERYONE - kids included - are enthusiastic about it.

You show so much anxiety in your posts about being a SM. I don't know if you're trying to convince yourself that you like it, or are trying to compete with BM, or if your DH is pressuring you - but whatever it is, it is ABUNDANTLY clear that you don't feel natural in any of this. And my guess is that your SD senses that and doesn't want to feel it on her break from daily life, too. Plus, when ALL of you go on these trips, I'm sure SD gets pulled in a million different directions because everyone wants a special memory with her. That is EXHAUSTING.

I am a COD. I've lived through these family bonding exercises. They suck when everyone isn't on the same page. You all can be a great and supportive family WITHOUT doing everything together.

It was decided last minute

It was decided last minute that me and my husband are going because we found out we can take off work then.

Did BM invite you and then you asked for the time off? Or did you you invite yourself and BM said ok? I find it odd that at the last minute the accommodations can accommodate two extra adults.

BM told SD9 that we were going and she said “i thought it was just us” with a pouty face which basically implies she doesn’t want us to go.

Did you see this youself or did someone tell you this happened?

I would like a family picture

How many family pictures do you need? And who would you define as family on this trip? If I were one of the ex's parents, if you put down that camera, it would disappear for the rest of the trip.

You all can be a great and supportive family WITHOUT doing everything together.

This..

Yeah I saw SD9 say that to

BM and her husband had already booked the cabin that fits a lot of people so the days they are going just happens to be the days my husband and I can get off work. She asked if we would like to go.

Yeah I saw SD9 say that to her mom and make the face. We've went on vacation before and she had no problem before. She was excited for all of us to go before. SD9 says we are one big family and she loves it so it confused me on why she decided this time she didn't want us to go.

I do have a picture problem, I will admit. I guess since we were going to be at the mountains I would like one, but it doesn't have to happen. I'm actually trying to wean myself off of social media and pictures. I don't really need one every time.

Well that is true, but my husband cannot drive and only sees his kids on the weekend, so he wanted to spend time with them as much as he can.

Why would you ask a 9 year

Why would you ask a 9 year old if you can go on a trip? How was this trip planned with everybody attending (you and DH included), yet you suddenly found out you could go? How do you know SD9 made a pouty face when she was told you could attend? What would happen if you didn’t get a family photo at this event? Would you cease to exist?

9 year old is smarter than

9 year old is smarter than all these adults mixed up in a weird charade. She understands that this kind of vacation is a total nonsense. Stop crashing their vacations and even if BM invites you, please politely decline and go on your own vacations. If your DH wants vacations with his kids (which is very normal), he needs to organize it. I am sure that he's allowed to take kids on vacations per CO.

This is a really good point.

This is a really good point. How much fun is a 9yo going to have with all you old folks? It'd be much better for her to have a vacation with her father and his wife and another with her mother and her husband. No wonder the poor kid isn't happy about you going with them - she fears the time she has with her mother will be "diluted" due to your presence.

I'm going to say what I

I'm going to say what I wanted to say yesterday and decided not to say.

You do not have to be besties w/ his ex and her spouse. It's okay to be polite aquaintences. I know it seems like travelling aand staying under the same roof is the picture perfect divorced family scene but it reeks of forced family. Especially if the shared child is not happy w/ it. Better to have two family vacations, one for Dad's side, one for Mom's. It doesn't matter how it looks on social media, it matters how comfortable and happy each member is. Your SD is sending a message, look past the potential perfect FB family posts and listen.

I get the impression that

I get the impression that these exes who insist on being besties despite basically breaking their current SO's hearts a little every day, and saying it's "for the kids" are really doing it to be able to congratulate themselves on how great *they* are. It also allows them to be at the center of this little drama day in and day out. On this site we often think about how it affects the bioparents' partners, but at some point the kids probably realize that they are being used to perpetuate some weird dynamic that isn't really about them at all.