Do you have kids of your own?

I don't remember ever really being asked about buying stuff for SS but I did usually discuss buying things for DD. I do not remember a time where DD was ever denied something and FDH was usually buying her stuff on his own.

NO, NO, NO

Unless he's using your money, it's his call.

This is a huge pet peeve of mine. I don't believe anyone has a say in how I spend my money on my kid.

My money, my kid, my choice.

My view on this would be different if my DF and I had one joint account or if I didn't work. In either case he would have the right to know how his money was being spent. And say so to anything he didn't agree with.

If OP has kids in the same household then I think some discussion would be necessary to avoid hurt feelings or competition. But if he is using his money and all the bills are getting paid on time and he is not shorting the household then who cares.

If you discuss all other purchases, I understand your point and why you feel like he's doing something behind your back.

I also understand the his kids, his money viewpoint, and he can spend what he wants as long as it does not affect the household.

I don't think one "rule" can apply across the board, it depends on the family dynamics and finances, but it would make me wonder, since he discusses other purchases with you. It's like he's trying to hide how much he spends on them or something. Or maybe he just thinks you wouldn't approve.

My husband has always made less money than me, he paid CS for 2 kids (now grown), and paid a lot less into the household than I did, so yeah, it was my business what he spent. I mean, I didn't sweat the little stuff but I wasn't about to be picking up the household slack or cover his financial emergencies so he could buy his daughters everything they wanted.

I was going to reply to the opening generic question "Do you think a stepparent should have a say in what their spouse buys their children?". After reading Bluff's few blogs, I changed my mind because it doesn't matter what anyone of us answers with, or what Bluff thinks of the buying for SDs. Her Dh is going to do what he pleases concerning his daughters with his money, so I'm not going to encourage Bluff to take a stand with DH over the issue.

First, it's his money. Second, he doesn't appear to give a rat's behind what Bluff thinks when it comes to his daughters. The guy doesn't care if the daughters rearrange the kitchen, the laundry room , don't respect anyone or anything...so why would he care or even want to discuss with Bluff on what he buys his daughters or when? No, this is one where Bluff either lives with it or moves on. It isn't going to change.

My dh discusses all purchases with me, even if he buys lunch however that's only because we share finances. If your situation I think that because you don't share finances, it's no big deal. It's a little weird he discusses everything else except the purchases for his kids but at the end of the day if his bills are being paid and he's not borrowing from you, either let it go or talk about sharing finances so that it is discussed.