I am a SM to.
I keep reading blogs, and I didn't want to post another one on this subject because I was told yesterday that all the blog hogging got under a friend of mines skin and when others were needing help everyone was to busy on the fight train that I produced. So I wanted to let it go.
But I can't.
Lotus, honey, I just read in another blog where you feel down because you are just the SM. You are NOT just anything. You are those kids mom, you are, I know it, you know it, but more important than anyone knowing it is that your kids know it. You are there, all the time, beating yourself to provide for them and do what you can as their mother. You are their mother! Without you, they wouldn't have one! I'm so sorry that you took offense to my blog yesterday and that it hurt you. When I read what you wrote it really bothers me to think that I offended you in such a way that you feel down because of it. I'm sorry.
Stick.....same with you. The BM is a part of your SD's life. But she's also medicated out of her goard and is just plain nuts. Without you this child would have no one to rely on, to learn from, and to love as a mom. I'm sorry that you were offended by what I wrote.
For clarification purposes I want to share some stuff.
I was PISSED yesterday at the crazy ass SM that my son has to deal with. Not at any of you. I wrote that blog out of nothing but frustration, anger, hurt, and mommy protectivness over my child.........as many of you have over your step children......Lord knows I have it for my Skids also! Everyone that knows me here PM'ed me and asked me what the hell was wrong with me, what had happened. I didn't want to define it or explaine it any more than I did in the first blog. I didn't see the need, I wrote what she had done when I wrote the blog! She isn't a SM like most of you...........she's just not. If a SM like one of you, that I know are great mothers, were to walk into my childs life and stay around I would jump for joy and love her to death! Seriously, my son has never had a decent relationship with his dad or his dad's random women that he parades through.
My case was and is much different than most of yours. I want to make that known. PLEASE REALIZE THAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT MY SITUATION!! If you are a SM that sees the kid once a year, and has met him once, then yes, you should also consider not doing any of those things I listed because they are just plain stupid. If you are a EOW, or even a once a month SM, of course that wouldn't apply to you. You're there all the time! If my son's SM was a part of his life this would be a whole different thing. Instead she's just being nuts by what she's doing to hurt him and me. It's uncalled for and just crazy. And there isn't a person that I straight asked if they thought her doing those things to my son and to me were right, no one thought they were.
Please understand, I am a SM to. I see my SD every other weekend, usually more! Holidays, vacations, etc. I am her mother when she is with me. I do everything for her under the sun just like I do my own kids, because I consider her one of mine when she is with me. I have a different relationship with BM than most and I understand that. So I don't have to deal with alot of the crazy shit, anymore, that alot of you do. It can be alot easier these days than it used to be. But no matter what, I am a SM to you guys! Please, remember that. I've walked this road for 5 years now. It's gotten easier for me because of the advice, thoughts, and ass kickings I've got here! LOL!
I started here hating BM. I wouldn't give a inch and neither would she. We HATED each other with a freaking passion. We mended those fences. When my DH was put in the hospital I had no choice but to ask her for help.........she was all I had. She was here, dependable, trust worthy, and I leaned on her. That was it.....from then on we've been nothing but nice to one another. And I love it.
But there was a time when the kids hated me. There was a time when she hated me. There was a time when BM got so much of our money above and beyond CS because DH was having guilt issues. There was a time when he would jump through flaming hoops for BM, because of guilt. We all went through alot........DH, BM, Myself, the kids (all involved, mine to)! Somehow we've came out as a big family. And it's awesome. I owe that to alot of the advice I got here.
I won't bash a SM. I am also one! I want respect to........I want to be treated like a human to........I also think that I am a major part of my SD's life and don't want it belittled.
Anyways, the main point is that yesterday I was irate and I blogged in a fashion that I wouldn't typically. I still stand by the list, for my son's SM that is! Of course, please note, I never gave her a list at all. I just wrote it here to hash it all out and get it out of my system. I'd never have the gaul to hand a her a list of do's and don't! Though, I should add that she gave me one! LOL! It's funny because I never broke a single one she had listed on there but she still felt the need to give it to me! UGh.....thinking about it pisses me off again!
But that blog was for my son's SM. And as a source to get it out of my system. It is not a do and don't guide for all SM's. Lotus, Stick, Bell, and many others........if your skids didn't have you they would have no mother. That's got to be just as strong as the paternal bond I have with my blood children, because you do it even though you don't have to. My hat's off to you guys and you rock as SM's. If I ever had the chance I'd be all over having SD live with us! So I know how it is ladies.
I'm a SM to. I know how it is. And I'm sorry to anyone who was offended, but to anyone that was, it wasn't directed at you. IT was directed at a once a year SM, for two days, that's met the kid once. Then by all means, please don't do anything on that list! Because it's crazy!
((((Lotus))) I'm really sorry that you were hurt by what I wrote. Again, you are a awesome SM.....excuse me....you are a awesome MOM!!
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(((((JEN)))))) you know how
(((((JEN)))))) you know how i feel...about everything and everyone. don't need to say anything else other than love ya chickyboomboom
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
(((BIG HUGS))) It is a fine
(((BIG HUGS)))
It is a fine line to walk when we are both BM and SM... we try our damndest NOT to be a CRAZY BM, but the truth is, not all SM's are fabulous like us
Hang in there and know that even if you did get under some skin here, you still have lots of friends here, and some of us completely understand where you are coming from. There is such a thing as SM's overstepping boundaries, especially if they have been around for a total of 5 minutes and want to strip us of our MOTHERHOOD... I get it. Chin up hun... it will be ok!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
Jen - I'm sorry your son's
Jen - I'm sorry your son's new SM is causing so many problems. Her vision of her role in your son's life is incredibly unrealistic and immature. I appreciate all of the responses and blogs from those of you who are not only SM's but BM's as well. It keeps my own expectations in check with my crazy situation.
“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Michael Caine
*Sigh*...lemme try to get
*Sigh*...lemme try to get thru this without becoming a blubbering idiot.....LOL.....Jen...I thank u from the bottom of my heart for your kind words...yesterday took on a life of its own...I'd like to think I am enlightened enough to think in the beginning, I totally got what u were saying, knew that it was coming from a place of personal experience, undying love for yur son and personal pain for u, and yes, I understood how u felt too....but as the post went on and the responses piled up...I admit...I lost it....I felt like all of a sudden, all that mattered was that a woman was a bioMom....ya know, I come from a place where my own SM was that stereotypical Disney monster...I totally get how many of u BMs have to worry about the women yur ex's will become involved with...u are these kids mothers....yur very purpose in life is to protect that awesome being u brought into this world....I can't even imagine how scary that must be....but imagine how scary it must be to protect a child from a monster biomom.....this is my life....all the while considering the instinctive bond a child has for his/her mother....most of u know how hard it is time an time again to make excuses for a deadbeat dad....i do this for a deadbeat, abusive mother...its exhausting...but it is the right thing to me....maybe someday she will step up and now that my kids are older that will be between the kids and her......truth is...biomoms can be monsters too....that's all I wanted people to know...I am not stupid or self centered enough to not recognize that the Court awarded custody to my husband...not me...why TB insists on pointing that out to me, I cannot nor do I even care to visit again...but the environment that the Judge prefaced his decision on, was not created only by my husband....it was created by me too....so yes...for all intents and purposes...my husband has custody....but so do I....I worry, I cry, I save money for college, I buy clothes, I kiss booboos, I mend broken hearts, I teach manners and respect..all the while knowing that I am not the Mom....I never wanted to be the Mom....but when a child is dropped on yur doorstep, what do u do?...shut the door and say...he/she is not my responsibility?....well I can not nor will I do that............Jen...I have seen the growth u have made as both a SM and a BM, and moreso, in yur growth with yur BM....I don't think a woman can really grow more than u have in yur situation, and I love u for that....believe me....I knew what u were saying yesterday, but I lost control of my emotions....there are so many awesome women on this site from all walks of life...we all learn so much from each other and each and every one of us is valuable...whether u are protecting yur precious child from the scary unknown of a potential SM, or from a BM who u WISH would be in yur kids lives, but for whatever reason chooses not to....I love u all, in the truest sense of the word....and I know in my heart I couldn't have gotten to where I am today without this forum....actually,,,sometimes a little house cleaning is needed....I know I have reaffirmed the positive in my own situation from it...(((((((((((((((Jen)))))))))))))
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
I read this and cried. I
I read this and cried. I seriously have tears streaming and DH is looking at me like I'm nuts. I love you to Lotus.....not because you are Bio Mom, but because you are a MOM! I'm glad that you know where it all started within me. And I know where it all came from within you. You protect your kids from the BM just like I protect mine from the crazy ass SM. You said your responses were to make people see that there are crazy BM's out there........I get it. I really do. Just because you give birth doesn't make you a mom. That's clear with adoption alone, and SPing is much differnt than that, you don't get the title, you get the thankless job of being mom without getting to be mom. I felt that way sometimes as a SM. The last time I got a phone call about her science project..........she needed supplies, but her mom wouldn't take her to the store. She lives less than two miles from the store. We live in the country and I got up off my ass, put all the dinner, bath's, my other children's homework, on hold. I went to town, picked her up, and took her to the store and got her supplies for her science project. You know what her BM had the nerve to say to me? "Oh thanks Jen, I just didn't feel like going to the store" Well guess what...neither did I beyotch. But you do it because you are the mother. At that moment I felt much more mom than she was. But it was a moment for me, you live it day in day out. I know that.
I think it all took on a life of it's own beacuse I constantly see hating on the "BM"........granted usually for good reason! But I can see this crazy ass SM that we deal with coming to a site like this and expressing her hatred for me. I wanted to bring to the table a different view. Life as a BM. It's not one that some of us ever want to deal with. (Of course this doesn't apply to you because like I said earlier, without you your kids wouldn't have a mom). But some BM's are just trying to make their ways through also. Some BM's have a hard time when the SM acts nuts. I'm one of those.
But I'm also a SM. I see the other side. I get it.
I'm so glad that you know where it was coming from in me, just like I do you. Please don't ever think of leaving this site because of what someone says, even me! Sometimes we just spout off without putting thought into it.........sometimes it's just rage for what your kids have to deal with and go through. For me, my paternal bond with my children cannot be broken. I love my kids. I'm a BM. As a BM I share that love and everything that comes with it, with my SD. Whom has such a big peice of my heart I can't stand it. I didn't give birth to this child. I didn't even meet her until she was 9! I hated her in the beginning! But now........now.........I couldn't live life without her. She's such a great person, all around a great person. I love her so much. I would seriously do anything for her that I would for my own. Does that hurt her mom, maybe. I don't know.......as I've never expressed that fact to her, nor would I because I don't want to hurt her. (Again, my life with the BM is different than most).
It's just such a fine line. BM and SM. The line is fine in this situation only. A once a year SM, it's not fine at all........a once a year SM, who's met the child in question once, it's a pretty clear line what your role is and you shouldn't just set out to hurt BM and the kids. That's what I was trying to say.
Anyway.........(((((((((Lotus)))))))))))) I'm glad you still love me!!
"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie
I'm going to tell you why.
I'm going to tell you why. You emphasize and highlight points I make in response to these types of threads in your effort to minimize the mother/child bond because of your own fact specific circumstance. You are passionate about your stance and so am I.
Why is it that your opinion should be given more credibility than mine? Whenever I respond to your "call outs", I temper them with compassion and understanding for what you are experiencing in your specific cirumstance, yet because I disagree with you, you get hostile and aggressive and down right personal with your responses to me.
I realize this is a topic that we do not agree on and I am willing to agree to disagree, but I certainly am not going to let you use my words to try to defend your cause. I am going to answer with my own opinion as we all do on any other topic.
I didn't see the deterioration of the other thread. By the time I signed back on in the morning it was gone. It is sad that a thread must be deleted because someone throws a tatrum because others do not agree with them.
#1...if I get hostile with
#1...if I get hostile with YOU, its because your tone illicits it,,which is odd because u can ask anyone here, and while I may disagree with them, rarely do I get hostile...,,and #2...I did not remove any blog, nor did I ask anyone to remove it....as a matter of fact, when I got home to respond to you and your holier than thou attitude, I saw that the post was deleted as well...oh and btw....yur responses to me have NEVER been with compassion and understanding....please....LOL....they have been one line zingers....and when the HELL did I throw a tantrum????? get yur facts straight before u put them out there....and as far as using yur words to defend my cause...I don't need to do that....u have done that for me...thanks!!!!
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
This is exactly what I mean.
This is exactly what I mean. I'm not going to try to get you to understand that there are other points of view than your own on this issue, because I can see that will never be possible.
You read too much into my TONE because your feelings are so raw on this issue. Whenever I read your responses to me, I have to wonder who you're trying to convince. Me or you? It screams insecurity.
Ok then its me..all kidding
Ok then its me..all kidding aside.....I'm cool with that...insecure no, passionate, absolutely...please...I know there are other perspectives to all my life views, not just this one....I live them every day...but I am passionate about mine because I live it, I have walked thru shit and came out ok, as you probably have as well...u are passionate about yurs...u live it...fine..I get it...all I'm saying to YOU is... I don't need you to remind me that my DH has custody not me, which for some reason, you need to do and honestly, I'm not the only one here who sees that as hurtful,,,, they may not call u out, but I got lots of supportive PMs because?...these women know what I do every day, and maybe YOU don't agree, but in reality, I have as much custody as my DH...so yea....know what?...I DID take that personally, cuz honestly, I really don't know why a person would even say that to another person....I'm not stupid...I work in law enforcement...I get the legality of custody issues , I don't need any clarification from you,... whatever.......I'll remember that I don't have custody next time my BM sends hate mail to my kids from some undisclosed location....anyway..we do not gel....all is good.....que sera'
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
I wasn't throwing a tantrum
I wasn't throwing a tantrum by deleting the other two threads. I delted them because someone I consider a friend was hurt that when she needed help everyone was busy reading and arguing on my blog.
"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie
Oh thank you Jen...I think
Oh thank you Jen...I think she was saying that *I* threw a tantrum , not u...,,,I never said a word to u about taking the blog down...correct?..if *I* threw a tantrum....yu'd all know...trust me...I actually don't believe that the taking of the blog down had anything to do with me at all....
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
I had to go back and edit my
I had to go back and edit my comment because somewhere I missed that this is between you and her! I thought I was on the bad side of an attack again! YIKES! I can't handle anymore!!!
But no, you didn't say anything to me about taking it down. And like I said, it was purley because a friend was being overlooked.
I hope that you two can just agree to disagree and let this go by today........we need no more arguing!
**Ref Jen steps in.......alright ladies, to your opposite corners, I call this fight! It's all over, it's all over! *** LOL
"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie
Oh I'm not fighting,,,,its
Oh I'm not fighting,,,,its all good...
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
Good! Today is sit around
"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie
not for me...Me and Jbee are
not for me...Me and Jbee are gonna take our John Frieda and Paul Mitchell to go iron out TheFrizz.
*tossing the marshmallows and peaceful hymes songbook to ya* Go girl!
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
Well that will be a all day
Well that will be a all day project.
"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie
Yuppers...busting out my
Yuppers...busting out my bobbypins and heavy duty combs.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
Wow....LOL....u know what I
Wow....LOL....u know what I just f'n realized?.....we feel the same exact way about things and what's soooooooo cool about it...we are coming from two different perspectives...one a BM and one a SM......the bottom line is a once a year SM or a once a year BM has no right interfering in the day to day mothering and raising of a child, plain and simple.....because u know what?....LMAO thru the tears, if my BM ever saw her kids once and insisted they wear a tshirt pic of her and them....I'd be pissed myself.....its all about who is in the trenches everyday....
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
its all about who is in the
its all about who is in the trenches everyday....
AMEN sister! That's the only line that needs to be said!!
"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie
This is it exactly! "It's
This is it exactly! "It's all about who is in the trenches everyday" That's me! I'm in the trenches everyday. I know I'm not my ss's mother but he lives here. I'm here for him. I take him to school everyday. I cook him dinner. I listen to him when his mom is putting her new boyfriend's wants and needs above his. Yet to Bm, I'm the evil one. The root of all of her problems. She still will point out that "Dawn isn't his mother" duh! But she sure doesn't act like his mother should, with his best interest in mind. So why can't I?
Dawn if this kid didn't have
Dawn if this kid didn't have you putting his best interest at heart, who would? Certainly not the BM you deal with! I guess my spin on it all was just that not all BM's are like the one that you deal with. Some of us are good people who love our kids and do put their best interest first. KWIM?
I know what you mean about the reinforcing of "Dawn isn't his mother". I hate that to! I get it all the time from BM that we deal with. It's like, yeah, duh. I know I'm not her mother! Never said I was......now get up off your ass and go buy those school supplies your kid needs mommy!
"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie
I was playing the WII and I
I was playing the WII and I had something else hit me that I have to type out and talk about.
My kids.
My son....my first born. When I became pregnant with him I was 15 yrs old. I gave birth to him at the ripe old age of 16. Were there other people out that knew more, that could of been a better mom to him, hell yeah! But I carried him. I have the stretch marks to prove it! LOL! I went through it while carrying him. My body wasn't mature enough, or ready to have a child. It went through some changes, drastically. I went into premature labor at 6 months. I was bed ridden. I wasn't even allowed to get up and walk around. The nurses were mean to me, so were the doctors. Of course, because I was so young and they couldn't believe I was pregnant! I get that now, at the time I didn't. It all hurt so much, that's what I remember from him. When I finally gave birth at 7 and 1/2 months along, he weighed 5 lbs 6 ounces. He was 19 and 1/2 inches long! Imagine that! LOL! When he was brough into the world he wasn't breathing. He had swallowed his first stool.........it's poision to a unborn child. They had to get him out....but went ahead and let me have him naturally (military hospital, and at the time sucked). He came out not breathing. I was so happy that this child was out of me all I could do was smile........until I listened for his cry, and didn't hear it. My x wasn't there. (and no, not for some military issue, but because he was out dating his most recent GF). So instead I looked to the doctor and I said (I remember this clear as day) "WHY ISN'T MY CHILD CRYING"? Even at 16 I knew I should hear crying. He gave me a shot.........I didn't wake up until the next day, my son was in my room with me! He had made it. He made it!!!!!!! He started this world with no air, with poision in his system. Today he is a 5ft6inch guy with georgus eyes and a killer smile! He made it! All the way around that child fought his ass off to be a part of this world. We raised each other. And I was there for that.
My daughter. Now she's different. After my experience with my son I never wanted to have another child. I didn't want to go through that pain again! I didn't change my mind until I met DH. He wanted to have child with me. I finally caved!
I knew he would take care of me. I knew he would always be there for his child, and for me. We got pregnant! We went in for the 10 week ultrasound, they scheduled that because I was a high risk pregnancy because of my son's delivery, and the tubal pregnancy I had.....when I wasn't even trying! There wasn't a heart beat. The dr. informed us so cold of that. He told us there had to be a DNC. I don't remember much of it, other than crying. A few months later my Grandpa died. He was my hero. He was the only guy in my life that was always there, through it all, it was always him. I went to his funeral carrying my daughter, I didn't know it at the time. When we got home I found out I was in fact pregnant. We went to all the ultrasounds, there were 9 of them all together! After we saw her heart beat I called my mom and she told me that she knew this child would make it, just like my son, she knew it because my grandpa was there watching over us. Sure enough.......she mad it!!!! She was born early. I kept having contractions at 7 months.....my body don't know how to wait does it? The doctor kept giving me shots to make it stop. That night it went down I knew what was happneing. I took a shower, I let DH get as much sleep as possible, and finally when I started bleeding I finally got him up to take me to the hospital. Actually it went more like "HOLY SHIT DH, GET UP, I'M BLEEDING"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He got up, put me in the patrol car....turned on the lights and took off like a bat out of hell! I was hurting. I'm not gonna lie. I was crying, snot was flying everywhere. I was bitching at a car in front of us for not getting out of the way.......as we passed by I saw it was my Mom! She was on the way up since I had called her and told her what was going on! LOL! I cussed her like she's never been cused in her life! LOL! When we got there they came and got me with a wheel chair. They took me in, did a ultra sound and saw that I had a bleed in my placenta, I don't remember exactly the term right now. Placenta Previa, I think that's it! Anyways, as soon as we found it the nurses were running with me in the bed to the OR. I saw Juice in the hall and told him I love him, he was crying and he told me he loved me to and he'd see me and our daughter in a minute. My mom says when they brought my daughter out they stopped with her in the little hospital bassinet and she opened her eyes, he looked at her and she looked at him............what a awesome moment! I woke up, the first words out of my mouth "Is my daughter ok?" They told me yes......then I felt the pain! It was back and it sucked! It took a while for me to come out of recovery....but when I did I got to lay eyes on my daughter. The precious little girl that just came out of my body. She was only 4lbs5 and 1/2 ounces. She was also 19 and 1/2 inches long (trying to keep up with her brother)! I held her.......she opened her precious eyes and looked at her mommy. I was there for that.
I was there. I brought them into this world.
I do understand what you do from that point forward is what gives you the tital of mom. I do. And I've raised my kids so I know that I get it! LOL!
This just all came back to me. And as a BM, I have to say, being there, being the woman that carried, gave birth to, and raised my kids is what makes me the woman that I am. It's what makes me the MOM!
That's where this all came from yesterday.
***Please note.....I only typed this all out because it hit me, like I said when I was playing the WII! LOL! But I guess that's what bothered me so much about yesterday. I kept getting told "Just because you gave birth doesn't make you mom". But the whole act of giving my children life means so much to me, it kept getting downgraded. It hurt me for it to be belittled. It means so much to me.....I can't even think or talk about it without crying. My children are my life. Giving them life was the best thing I've ever done with mine.
"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie
Jen, (((HUGS))) to you! You
Jen, (((HUGS))) to you!
You are one heck of an amazing woman. I'm sorry your son has to deal with an awful SM. I can definitely relate to that.
You and those who truly know and love you know that you're your kids' mom. Not only that, they know what a phenomenal mom you are. You put your kids first. You're always there for them. I wish my skids' BM was like you!
You are an awesome mom, and you will always have my support!
Thank you Anon.....it always
Thank you Anon.....it always means alot coming from you. You, a woman who had one of the worst SM's in history.....she was the OW. She went all about being your SM the wrong way. I wish I could go back, as the woman I am now, and talk some sense into her! She had you, you would have loved her so much if she had only shown you a ounce of respect.
But you are still my friend, even though I was the OW in the beginning. How is that? I think it's because you are awesome. You see past the titles and judgement and you see the person. I sooooo love you for that!
"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie
Aww thanks Jen! You are
Aww thanks Jen!
You are awesome too!
Well join in sister cause
Well join in sister cause they are still rolling!
"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie
OMG DPWB.......honey I
OMG DPWB.......honey I didn't know you went through all of that. It sucks as a kid, to not have your parents love. On MM's blog about being a SK I wrote about my experience. I never had a dad. Never. My Grandfather was the closest thing I ever had to a dad. He was the man that was there for me not matter what in my life. He was always my father.......though he was my grandfather. Hell I got put in jail once for a DUI and he was the person there to pick me up.......him, my gma, and my mom! But he was the father. My gma is the one that took me under her arm and hugged me while I cried my eyes out! My mom was pissed.........but grandpa, he was the dad of it all.
DPWB, it sucks to not have the love that every child should be entitled to automatically. I'm sorry you went through it........I'm right here with you.
You may not be a BM, of your own choice! LOL!, but you do understand how a mother could have this love for her child. You knew at the time your mom should have had it for you, just like I knew my dad should have had it for me. It sucks ass when they don't.
"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie
Me too DPW.... me too! STOP
Me too DPW.... me too! STOP IT YA'LL.... my nose runs like crazy when I cry and I hate snot!!
Seriously though, I'm sure I've offended some because I also come off strong on my big ole BM platform sometimes, but I get it Jen... I'm in the same boat as you... I wanted nothing more in the world than to have a baby... I was told there was something wrong and I was advised to have an abortion... I refused... we had numerous specialized ultrasounds and a team on standby when he was born.. and he was born with NONE of the problems they said.. but he also had inhaled meconium and developed pneumonia and his lungs collapsed and we wound up in a NICU anyway... get him healed from that and they think he now has aplastic anemia... I'm sent with him (at the ripe old age of 21 myself) to children's hospital... where we find he's slightly anemic, but FINE.... so alllllll that worrying allllll that praying and he was ok. These are the reasons I never had another baby.... It was too traumatic for me. These are the reasons that I will fight anyone to the ends of the earth and back for perfectson.
So I get you, I totally do, when satan came along and grabbed him up and wanted to pretend he was HER boy? oh hell no.... I fought too hard and too long to have that baby boy, and he was mine and by God NOBODY was going to step in MY territory because I was doing just fine on my own.
THEN, SM#2 came along and was the sweetest thing ever.... after the first go-around, and as respectful to me as she was for being perfectson's mama, well hell, I gave back everything I could to her. "Perfectson, it's Mother's Day, get off your ass and call SM#2, since you didn't bother to get me a card even" lol She was good to him and for that I'm forever grateful. I'm just hoping SM#3 will be that good too!
I'm also a SM.... my SDs were 5 and 18 months when I came into their lives. Now they are 11 and 14.5.... I've watched them grow up, I've helped them grow up, and I'm one of their closest friends and I've always got their back and they know it. I'd move mountains for them. I love love love them so much... I'd give anything to have them live with us full time. For years I was uber-respectful of their BM, never stepping on her toes, always doing whatever she asked because I respected her position as their mom, just like I wanted that same respect. But then she went off the deep end and started PASing them to death and I took my gloves off. If you can't respect me, I can't respect you either.
So again, I get it, I'm both too and it's OMG hard... so very very hard to be both.
If I offended anyone, I didn't mean to, but I can jump to the defense of a BM just like a can a SM, but I really do get it.
Love you Jen!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's what I'm talking
That's what I'm talking about Wicked! A BM and a SM that loves them ALL! You went through it with Perfectson. You know how it is........I did all of this, and I've raised him and earned the title of mommy and I refuse to lose it! I was there when he wasn't breathing........and I've been there every day since.
I'm so happy right now at how this is all getting across. No one is taking it the wrong way, no one is turning words, everyone is seeing it for what it was meant........a mother that loves her kids!
"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie
I just wanted to say that
I just wanted to say that I'm picturing a bunch of women sitting at their computers typing and crying, and it made me smile.
But then again, I'm weird.
And BMJen, I would also like to say that if a once-a-year-SM came on this site and started bitching and posting lists of her demands of the BM, and we knew the true circumstances of the situation, I think there are certain ones of us who would be quick to call them out on their bullsh** and most of the others would just ignore them. They may get a "hell yeah" from some of the immature and selfish SM's that come here who feel the same way, but from what I have seen those are a vast minority and usually don't stick around for too long.
*hugs*
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
You're right Nymh. And I
You're right Nymh. And I would be one of the caller outer's!
I can think of a few others that would be quick on it! LOL!
I'm weird to.........getting my thoughts and feelings across means more to me than anything!
((((Nymh))))
"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie