fiancee's mom has been fighting cancer for 7 years and for some reason she thinks everything should go the way SHE wants. I'm sorry she has to fight this awful disease but it's no reason to manipulate situations to get your own way! Maybe I should use my illness to get my own way! I don't mean to sound insenstive but it's true...I know what your saying stepwitch...it seems like these kids can do no wrong in their eyes when they're fueling the fire in a way, making the situation worse. I've told my fiancee, because he's always been bullied by his mom and dad, that if they can't respect his wishes as a parent than they can't visit SS. (The only reason I say this is because when fiancee scolds him for misbehaving over there they stick up for SS and he uses this to get his own way all the time and he feeds off of it, which is why he doesn't respect his dad when he visits us)

I think, like my fiancee, maybe your husband is turning a blind eye cause his mom has "been through so much"...and he feels guilty when he puts his foot down...which is what she wants!OR she feels threatened by you for some reason... For god sakes we were having lunch today and she called and was whining cause he hasn't come to see her in a couple days and it "disappointed her"..the guy is 31 and he has a life! I don't know many people that go to visit their parents as much as my fiancee does because his mom makes him feel guilty and she manipulates him!

None of her problems are your fault...she's just being hard-headed..but I wouldn't allow her to come into my home and disrespect me....I'm sure her family feels sorry for her and can't see the manipulations or something to that matter...my fiancee didn't see his mom's manipuative ways until I pointed it out to him a couple months ago...he knows better now...

I guess if that lady wants to pay for her college and let the girl live with her, then let her.
Soon she'll see what you were having to deal with.

as the dads.
none SD issues are your fault. Dont take on that burden!! Grandparents should stay out of the business of parents anyway!!
they can offer suggestions ONLY by invitation.
do not spend another moment worrying about that woman!!
go hug your well adjusted kids and enjoy them!!

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

What we tell DH's mom and dad. My MIL loves me to pieces, but she's having a hard time about SD.

Although MIL spent a few days with us several times over the summer and she was able to witness SD channeling BM. There were several looks that MIL was NOT happy about because it was like a reincarnation of BM (who was AWFUL to MIL and FIL.)

The good news is now MIL has several 2 and under grandchildren to moon over and therefore SD is not the only apple of her eye. So I think that's helped her.

I understand sometimes that our parents don't get it. They had us to deal with and let's face it we were peachy compared to what kids are pulling now. So they THINK they know because they dealt with SOME of the hard things we are dealing with. BUT they didn't deal with divorce, blended families, teen pregnancy, drugs,technology - computers ipods xboxes, cell phones, etc....to the degree of frequency that we are dealing with.

Oh yeah- and when their child swore at them they were encouraged by their culture of parenthood to stick a bar of soap in their mouths or slap them across the face.

To quote Archie Bunker....THOSE were the days!

I find it interesting that your MIL stated it's a parents responsibility to pay for college. THAT was not the case for any generation of parents EXCEPT ours. No one had that much disposable income before our parents time, and parents providing college before the 1960s/70s only happened in wealthy families. So she's way off there.

Hang in there. Stand your ground. These are tough times.

Peace, love, and red wine

what some people call love, I call enabling.
what she is doing is not best thing for your SD in long run, u know that and if she was standing out , unattaches and looking in, I believe she would too. So sorry but this is not about you but their malfunction, how you respond is about you , so what can you do? Just ask husband that at least you two stand firm? If this were my D and my mom was overriding my decision in how to best teach my daughter, I would be livid, but am guessing your husband is ok with this?

How abusive is that, huh? When parents actually set boundaries so their kid can learn and GROW UP, the GPs can simply undo everything by happily stepping up to be Chief Enabler. I wonder, did their parents do the same to them? Didn't think so.

Stepwitch, hold your ground. Don't cave in to pressure tactics. As I tell my own daughter, "Never take crap from anyone--ever." You and your husband have set a very important boundary here, which may ultimately teach SD a very important lesson. Don't budge!

If grandma wants to come to the rescue, that's fine. She will learn firsthand what you've been going through. One thing I've learned about immature, explosive teens is that they cannot pretend to be normal for very long. Their horns come out pretty quickly.

Good luck Grandma!

I know how you feel stepwitch, just like my B.F mom told him I was harmful to the children( WHAT A JOKE), I dont recall cussing anyone out, Or my son threatning to kick my B.F kids a*s( that was all them), it goes on and on.His mom is very bias, she even admitted it. When he told her all the wrong things he had done when we split up she refussed to hear them and still..still put all the bad and ugly on me, and make opnions and lie to manipulate him because she knows he loves his children. my B.F knew it was all B.S but it can really make you mad!
I would like for people to take their own bad instead of looking in someone elses back yard looking for weeds!

I would say to your MIL.. go ahead.. have her, and when she hits you, dont come crying to me nor send her back.

I cant stand when people act like these skids have no control over their being.. and at 18 she should know better than to hit anyone, let alone an adult that has provided them care and puts a roof over their head.

I have never laid a hand on my skids.. god help them if they ever strike me.. it will be the LAST thing that they do.

It means that you respectfully disagree with your in-laws, then never discuss it with them again. If they want to take on SD as their problem, then fine. Let them. No skin off your back. If they want to try to tear you down by saying ugly things about you for the choices you and your DH have made regarding SD, then just don't listen. They are the GRANDPARENTS, not the PARENTS. You don't owe them an explanation. You don't owe them a thing.