Am I alone?
After almost 4 and a half years of silently dealing with my thoughts, I thought I would try to find someplace where someone might actually be able to understand where I was coming from for once. Maybe someone will read this, maybe no one will, either way at this stage in the game I just need to know there's someplace safe for me to be me.
I guess I should start at the beginning. About 5 years ago, I went out on a date with a guy that worked at the repair shop my went to all the time. Ironically, his best friend worked at a car dealership with me and told me the guy, which we'll refer to as Tom from here on in, liked me. On our third date, he informed me that he had something to tell me. Being the nieve 20 year old that I was, I never thought he'd tell me that his ex girlfriend just told him that she was three months pregnant and had decided to keep the baby. I always thought things like this happened only in the movies and not in real life. I wonder if Tom Brady and Gisele thought the same thing! I decided to stay with him for the time being because from what I had been told by other people who knew this girl, she was probably lying just to get him back or he'd find out later that it wasn't his kid. I guess I took on the "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. Unfortunately, that mentality wouldn't last long. From the start she made things difficult. She made a point of telling him I wasn't invited to her baby shower (why she thought I would want to go in the first place I have no idea. I can only think of the Gilmore girls episode where Lorelei goes to her ex boyfriends new wife's baby shower...)I should also note that she made my boyfriend pay for half of the baby shower even though he didn't get to take any of the gifts to his house. It's like paying to throw yourself a party am I right? So the baby was born and we had our arguments and fights over whether or not to stay together and I had my own personal questions about whether this was a smart decision. Things got more complicated as time went on. First the ex hated me and made a point of telling people how horrible I was and start writing things about me on myspace. My boyfriend's family took sides and his sister, in particular, made a point of letting me know that she didn't want me around. At Christmas, she bought presents for the ex-gf to my boyfriends house for him to pass along. Even though I helped my boyfriend babysit his niece and nephew so she could go out, I was not invited to their birthday parties while the ex was. His mother also made a point of telling him that she thought he should be with his son's biological mother and not me. His friends also took sides. Since most of them had been friends with bio mom pre-break up, they didn't want to get to know me. His best friends have made it clear that they don't like me, as I am never invited to their kids' parties and my name is conveniently left off of Christmas cards. My boyfriend has never confronted either his friends or his family about this which bothers me because I feel like he should stand up for me and explain to them that I am part of his life and they don't have to accept me, but they should at least be civil towards me. Then there is the flip side. There are his friends who think I just need to sit down and talk to the ex and we will magically become best friends now that she has decided she wants to be friends. For example: The awkward wedding. We were invited to my boyfriend's best friend's wedding. We had been told that his ex was not invited to the wedding and since my boyfriend was in the bridal party, I would sit at a table with his friend that used to work with me. The night of the wedding, as my boyfriend is out getting pictures taken, I find out that not only is the ex there, but they wanted me to sit at her table. Although I was the bigger person and stayed at the wedding, and luckily found another table to sit at, the ex constantly tried to talk to me the whole night, which would have been fine 4 years ago before she started trashing me to everyone and trying to start a fight with me on myspace. There are many other issues with her that I will probably write about in another entry, particular her never wanting to watch her kid, but wanting lots of money for it, but for now I will leave with these questions: Has anyone else ever had family members or friends that have made it clear that they don't want you around and how have you dealt with it?
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Comments
Let me tell you a little
Let me tell you a little story about what I noticed with the family of one of my exbf. We dated for 2 yrs and he broke up with me when I was 19. After he broke up with me, he would still call me to talk and see what I was up to. He never wanted to get back with me but he would tell me that he would always love me and blah, blah, blah. Well, he ended up getting another girl pregnant. He actually had the nerve to call me and tell me this. Anyways...before all this I got along pretty good with his mom and his sister. I kept in touch with one of his cousins. She invited me to her brothers sons bday. I hadn't seen exbf mom or sister since before he had gotten the other girl pregnant. Well, at the party I noticed that his mom was cold towards me whereas before he had got the girl pregnant she was nice to me. Even his sister I could tell seemed to be uncomfortable that I was there. I guess they felt I was a threat when I wasn't anymore. Luckily for me all it was was a party that I went to. It felt weird and I could tell his mom didn't want to talk to me so I just kept my distance from her. My exbf was there with his gf and their daughter. Now I am going to a party that I have been invited to by his cousin. It will be interesting to see how is mom acts toward me. His sister and I are friends on facebook so it would be odd if she was weird towards me. I'll find out soon enough. That is my only experience with that type of situation.
My question to you is: How long was your bf with this girl for? Was she in with the family and all his friends? Did everybody expect them to get back together?
Does his family still treat you this way?
Well I've never had a
Well I've never had a problem like this BUT:
Your boyfriend seems to be the one that asked YOU OUT. Apparently his friends and family didn't know there was major problems between him & his EX girl friend, and they were breaking up,or were broken up, before she announced her pregnancy.
They shouldn't hold it against him,(or you) what happened in that relationship has nothing to do with you. He chose not to stay with that woman , and if they really cared about him, they would be understanding that he apparently didn't love her or want to stay with her(ex). they should respect the person he loves..and if they were real friends they would.
You can't FORCE someone to LOVE someone. And you can't force someone to stay with someone, or LIKE someone.
You Boyfriend needs to SPEAK UP, and tell his friends & family the TRUE story & what happened instead of letting you take all the blame..That is so unfair and wrong. he is letting them mistreat and disrespect you.
The question seems to be "was he truly her EX" at the time you were dating??? Do yo know that for sure?? Was he living with her?? OR did he have his own home? That could answer the question?
IF he had his own place , apparently she definetly was his EX, if they weren't sharing a residence at the time, maybe he never had any intention of living with her? WAS this child a surprise? Did friends Know they were broken up?
BUT: if he was living with her, they MIGHT think YOU broke them up??
Maybe that is why they treat you as they do? "she broke up his happy family to be".."you took him away from his baby". These are questions only he knows the answers too.
Unless he took you to his residence while you were dating & NO one was there.. do you know 100% he was NOT seeing her??
or DID he move during or between those THREE DATES? Do you know?
Either way , as i said, NO one can force a relationship or love. I think you should invite friends (groups) family a few at a time...over to your house and he should sit down and explain to them "WHAT REALLY HAPPENED, AND GET IT SET STRAIGHT"
They shouldn't be blaming YOU, unless you are infact the reason he broke it off with her. Then I can understand them feeling that way.
If they can't respect you as his girl friend/ Wife. etc. I don't think they would be worthy of my time.
He really need to GROW some balls, and take the Blame NOT let everyone blame you....My opinion, anyway. IF he truly was NOT with her when he asked you out!
And NO one pays for their own baby shower, N the MOM or DAD..Good lord..Not even family is suppose to give it...Close friends of the momma to be, are suppose to give the showers...LOL.
So another words...they paid for the food , so their friends, family would buy her baby items.???? WEIRD.!!!
This situation is
This situation is intolerable. And your BF wasn't even married to his ex!
"My boyfriend has never confronted either his friends or his family about this which bothers me because I feel like he should stand up for me and explain to them that I am part of his life and they don't have to accept me, but they should at least be civil towards me. "
Look, I'm sorry, but this is the main crux of the issue. If he has allowed and continues to allow this behavior from everyone and will not stand up for you, he is not worth your time. You are very young -- far, far too young to have to put up with this B.S. There is absolutely no reason that you should put up with this crap. Dump him and find someone who respects you. Seriously. Believe me, there are plenty of men out there who will be better to you, and who don't have an ex and a kid trailing along behind them.
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved