MIL rant
This is a situation with my MIL interfering. Several months ago my step child was spending the day with my MIL. My husband was working & not returning texts or calls from her, which is usual for him bc his mom pushes & pushes asking for more time with this child. So she texted me that my step child wanted me & my child to join them for lunch, stating she won't stop begging me to call you. I agreed to meet. Then received a text asking if my stepchild could stay longer that day, wanting more than the already 6 hours planned. I called my husband & discussed it with him, he said this is her pattern & that's why he won't return her texts or calls & no the child could not stay. I texted her that I had talked with my husband & No that wouldn't work. She then called me & asked verbally. I said the same. No. We met for lunch & at the table in front of several family members asked again. I said the same. No. We ate & as the meal was coming to an end & the time was coming for my husband to come & pick up his child came closer, she says to my stepchild "do you want to stay?" She answers Yes. "Well I want you to stay also. It's up to your dad. You ask him. It's not up to -----. She's not your parent." I sat there in disbelief. My FIL quickly excused himself & met my husband at the door, returning saying "dads in a hurry, get going!" I later told my husband what happened, he said he wasn't in a hurry, his father must have been trying to help us avoid the situation. This caused weeks of problems with my stepchild saying "I can't ask you for ---- bc grandma says I should only ask dad." As a result my husband has not allowed her to have the child again bc she says she sees no problem with what she said & did. This obviously isn't the first issue we have had with my MIL. I have tried to not speak to her about it & let it be between my husband & his mom. It's all I can do not to freak out on her. We have enough contention with the exes & 6 kids!!!! She's very self centered & demands attention.
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Good luck. My FMIL did this
Good luck. My FMIL did this shit and worse with my SS and it pushed my DH over the edge. FMIL went so far as to tell the SS that she was his legal guardian and had custody. She even at one point told SS that we were kidnapping him and taking him to another state.
Oh wow. What is with these
Oh wow. What is with these MILs?!?! Sheesh.
She's made this comment, "I
She's made this comment, "I have known my son & these kids longer than you, so he & I should make the decisions for your family." My husband, FIL & I were in shock when she said that!!!
Your DH needs to have shut
Your DH needs to have shut her down the minute that popped out of her mouth and I would cut contact with her and the skid unless DH is there to supervise her and correct her everytime she discounts you.
He did. So did FIL. I
He did. So did FIL. I couldn't really form words I was completely in shock. As a result we have very strict boundaries with her. We were wanting things to become more "normal" then the above situation happened...
She has no relationship with
She has no relationship with the BM & refuses to have any interaction with her; however has made comments like "she was a great DIL because she always supplied me with current photos & always sent thank you cards"
All of the above is a manipulation to make herself feel important. The bio mom couldn't stand her, sent letters when living in the same town- bc she wasn't welcome to the house, she was a cheater for 3 years with two known men... Great DIL. Before the breakdown in our relationship, I didn't send thank you's... I calling with an invitation to come to dinner at our home & see the kids playing with the gift or wearing the outfit, etc.
Now she will get a blessed thank you card & ill text a picture. Ha!
What is it with these nut
What is it with these nut case MILS. MIL was living in Dh's house with all bills paid by us when DH moved in with me. This was not good enough...wanted DH to install a handicap tub or a dishwasher. She is in a nursing home now. I ran the roads to find her a low-income apartment with surgerical shoes on BOTH FEET. She bitched she did not want to move into a place where she could not smoke inside. She only calls when she wants something...I need/I want list.
She told a friend...did not know if she could trust me...think I just want the money out of DH's house....WTF! She is a drug addict. Doctors had he on so many pain killers, she almost burned DH's house down. She is the demanding ungrateful bitch from hell.
At least she's in a home.
At least she's in a home. Bwahaha. Does she have other kids. My MIL has 3 total... I'm married to her "kindred spirit" & if that's not enough one of my stepchildren is her other "kindred spirit" FML! Haha
She has 2 other sons. They
She has 2 other sons. They give little of their time and now money. DH pay for her cell phone, life insurance, personal items the nursing home does not cover, cigs., items for her mini-frig. take out food, etc..etc. If it was me, I give her a budget for the month and tell her...you can smoke or eat it...do not give a shit. It is DH's fault. When he moved in with..he told her she could live in the house as long as she could live alone. Then DH wanted me to quit my job. I said...HELL NO!! She got almost $1200 month in social security with free rent and no household bills. She can start paying her household bills. DH told me I was all about money. I told him...you are living in MY HOME and I am the one ALL ABOUT MONEY!! He got the message. I am more giving then most and I am not quiting my job to keep up 2 homes. That is why I was looking at low income apartment. DH' house is not worth a 3rd of what my home is worth. My retirement is 5 times what his is. He may make 3 times what I made. I am the one with the assets. I later quit my job. I have been clean her shit out, painting...getting for sale. Also, I have been working on my house which I refer to as ours. I have worked harder the last year than I ever had.
I will stop there. When I think how I let myself be a doormat...I want to punch a hole in a wall. The best thing, she did for me was almost burning the house down. I have no problem doing for her and buying a few things...what she needs not what see wants.
Also my sister in law is
Also my sister in law is involved, telling my MIL if she woulda pulled that on her, she wouldn't have talked to her for a year! On that note my MIL would NEVER treat the other DILs like that!
We haven't seen the inlaws
We haven't seen the inlaws since July because of this. The holidays are coming so I'm sure there will be some conversations on the horizon. Yay us!
We already have a list of
We already have a list of boundaries in place. Which is ridiculous. Because of the misbehavior in our home 1. No meeting at our house 2. One scheduled visit a month for at least one hour (other things come up, graduations, funerals etc) 3. She is to text or call a request- no passive aggressive "I would have really liked to do that, but you didn't invite me" 4. My husband & I will discuss & give her one answer (bc she has lied saying one of us said Yes) 5. No asking the children or working them up to get what you want. 6. No visits on the holiday or birthday (we plan it close, but her need to control is over the too especially on the actual day) These rules were as a result of two back to back horrible encounters with her... Set up in February & we told her once she can be respectful of our family & it becomes fluid then we can add more time, to make it more normal & not so protective. She did pretty well for a few months, so this summer she had the youngest at her home every other week for a 6 hour visit. I was not in support of this idea, but toldy husband it's your mom, your child, I will hope for the best & never say "I told you so" Well, obviously it was a train wreck & I haven't said those words & have just supported my DH in his distance from the MIL.
I'm definitely not looking forward to the holidays. I was thinking we would be back to some normal interaction. It's not comfortable to think we have to find a public place to visit for Christmas. My husband has told her, contact the bio mom for visits, we don't want to deal with your drama. She's NEVER done that. So I'm
Sure we will be having to gather. Bleh.
After my husbands divorce she
After my husbands divorce she became demanding of his time, calling up to 14 times a day! He always answered her calls bc he has a job where he can... & yes his dad is ALIVE & also has a job where he can take all of her calls... She's very jealous that he remarried bc once again another woman is getting "her time"
I allowed years of crap from
I allowed years of crap from my past MIL & it wasn't that big of an issue to me... I do feel my current MIL is worse... But I also feel I am alert to the issues & not willing to allow a pattern because we have so much contention beings that both me & my husband have contention with our exes. My MIL is almost jealous that she isn't the focus.
Your DH needs to have a
Your DH needs to have a serious chat with his mother. That is completely unacceptable. He also needs to tell his daughter that what grandma said is NOT how it is and if you say something it goes and tell her that HE makes the decisions WITH you.
He has had the talk with step
He has had the talk with step daughter... But not MIL contact was just completely cut off. She recently texted asking to see kids, he responded "that's not happening till we have a talk" That was a week ago. Her pattern is to push & push & wear him & everyone down. He's not in a hurry to have this talk, he says he's enjoyed the 3 month vacation from her & he knows she won't change & won't face what she did. He did tell me yesterday "I'm going to tell her to ask you, you only make the choices, she will respect you as a decision maker & bc she has done this, everything is up to you." I rejected that idea. Eh.