I feel the need to clarify my situation for STalkers.
Due to my Blog yesterday there were many of you confused. So I'm laying it all out there, and pleading for mercy. Sorry this might be long and hard to explain. I'll try.
When I first started blogging here, the acronyms were confusing, to say the least. I picked one for my Fiancé(Dh) once I figured out what it meant, I felt stupid changing it. So I stuck with it. SOOO, Dh is my Fdh. We are not married, yet. We have been together three years this August, living together for two.
Now, this is where it gets nasty. Fdh and Bm are still married. They had been separated for a year when he and I met. Because, Bm decided to cheat on him, repeatedly.
I was in no way the cause for their separation.
There is no CO visitation, there is no CO child support. Fdh would give her $$ every time he saw the girls (like he was paying bm just to see them) she(bm) would party all weekend on the cash fdh had given her, then sunday ask for more for things the girls needed. I suggested we buy what ever it was the girls needed, and STOP handing BM CASH!!! Fdh liked this idea, and started doing this. We still do not just hand over cash to bm, she emails what the girls need, we buy it, and send it home with them (tags removed).
My Fdh is an only child, his mother, was very sick and on dialysis the last years of her life. Fdh quit his job, to do his mothers dialysis at home(she hated the clinics) until she passed away in Jan of '10. It took him a while to find another job, but, he did. Finally. We are a one income family, due to my disabilities.(My ex beat the crap outta me for 9yrs). I have several spinal injuries. So money is very tight for us right now.
Fdh and I want nothing more than to be married and begin our lives as husband and wife. Until we can afford to fork over the $$ to pay for it, we just can't. Bm has said several times she has a lawyer working on it(the divorce) but, we've yet to see anything.
So there it is. Out for everyone to see...........
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Comments
Honey you dont have to
Honey you dont have to explain yourself to anyone....I wish you both the best of luck!!!
It is nice to have
It is nice to have background, but no reason to make apologies. I would however look into free legal counsel to get the divorce and the custody settled. Also, everything he is giving her is considered a gift and can not be considered Child Support (CS). So make sure you document every dime, it may help and it may not.
If you can't work, you can at least research how to get a divorce without paying for the lawyers. There are agencies that will help that are not-for-profit.
www.cheapdivorceforms.com and many others online....
SO and BM got divorced
SO and BM got divorced getting the documents themselves and using a mediator. Much cheaper. Unfortunately for him, I think he should have had a lawyer since he just agreed to whatever BM wanted. They did the typical visitation, but didn't outline things like drop offs and pick ups and such. I would have wanted more details in the CO.
Plenty of people here can help you think of what should go into the CO too. I think this is a great idea.
I'm told by Fdh and Bm, fdh
I'm told by Fdh and Bm, fdh is not on birth certificates because the hospital gave them some excuse or another both times as to why he couldn't be put on them. He doesn't remember exactly WHAT was said, just that he was told he couldn't.
Fdh and Bm got married AFTER ysd was born. She was a few months old at the time.
If they are NOT his bio's, he would let them go. The ONLY reason he married bm was those girls. The ONLY reason he still has contact is those girls. He would be heartbroken if they are not his. But getting HER out of our lives would be a blessing.
I was so worried about what was gonna be said about me and my fdh's situation, it didn't occur to me what a tremendous help you all are!!
Osd looks NOTHING like Fdh!!
Osd looks NOTHING like Fdh!! NOTHING. My dd10 looks more like fdh than his supposed bd! There is NO way my bd10 is his child. She was 8 when we met. People we've just met or complete strangers tell us all the time how much bd10 "looks just like her Daddy" we just smile and agree. I've never heard that about sd8. She is blond, blue eyed, and very fair skinned. Fdh is Italian, dark hair, eyes, and skin. Ysd looks so much like Bm, that's all I see. Fdh, thinks she looks like him, but, all I see is her mother.
Bm IS on public assistance. So she may very well be putting off everything so she doesn't lose that. Bm also lives with her parents, who are well off financially. So I'm not sure HOW she qualifies for the assistance she receives. Unless she lies.
It took me four years to finalize my divorce w/exh. We could never agree on custody or support. I just hope it doesn't take Fdh as long. This is killing me inside. Knowing he is still married to that Bi**h! I Love him, so I'll wait as long as it takes to sort out all our garbage.
My DH and I did his divorce
My DH and I did his divorce by ourselves. We got all the necessary information from the local county court and I typed everything up. The judge actually gave us kudos for the professional quality of the papers we submitted. There are also legal aid services in most counties that can help you.
And no - you do not need to explain yourself.
Did they ever get welfare,
Did they ever get welfare, foodstamps?
Some couples agree not to put dad on the BC so that when mom applies for assistance, the state can't go after dad for CS.
Just another way for greedy folks to scam the state.
Thanks Tog, again I felt
Thanks Tog, again I felt alone in my situation. Its comforting to know other people are struggling the same as Fdh and I.
Sorry about your bm. She sounds like the "winner" we have to deal with. How is it ALL of these bm's are just Nucking Futs?? It still amazes me to log on here and read some of the outlandish, ridiculous things these bm's do!
This place is for support,
This place is for support, and no judgement to you can come from me. My DH and the BM were still married (but separated) when we got together. It took an additional 3 years for them to actually divorce. While I understood the situation, it still hurt me, and I wish that he had been fully divorced, not just seperated when we began our relationship. But that is just my personal feelings on the issue, I am a selfish person, and do not like to 'share' so to speak my significant others. I also do not like to look at my marriage certificate and see her name, and the divorce date just months before our wedding date, but alas... you make your bed
Echo, no he hasn't. Where
Echo, no he hasn't. Where would I look for that? A lawyer? Mediator? I'm not to good with this kind of thing. My exh and I did the do-it-yourself divorce. But, we agreed on everything. Custody, cs, we had already divided property. So it wasn't a problem. It did take us four years to finally agree on everything tho.
StepDown, I have no clue WHY she hasn't filed herself. I know fdh hasn't had the $$$ to file. What he's waiting for is to be able to fight for custody. Bm has parents who are well off and would help her. For almost three years she's said, repeatedly, I'm filing this week. Yet, here we are, them still married, and MY and FDH's wedding postponed once already! And the way its looking it may not happen AGAIN this year!!!
Thanks Echo. I know whenever
Thanks Echo. I know whenever I see your name pop up, its going to be advise I need to hear. I don't always "like" it, but, I need to hear it just the same. In the short time I've been here on st your advise has helped me thru some tough stuff. Thanks for the link too! I'm showing it to fdh when he gets home. Maybe we can have our wedding this year after all! It broke my heart to have to postpone last year, if we have to do it again idk what I'll do? Thanks again.
I actually overheard a
I actually overheard a conversation between fdh and bm when he finally told her about me. She actually said to him "I thought you weren't looking for anyone" to which he replied "I wasn't, but, I've found her and I'm in love with her, end of discussion" bm went bananas! Screaming and crying, keeping sd's from fdh. So Tog, you may be on to something here. I'm willing to wait. I just hope it doesn't take several years!