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Maybe I'm not strong enough ....

Can I do this's picture

Sometimes that's how I feel when SO tells me all the BS that BM says .... after not hearing from her all day yesterday (since he was doing HER a favor and taking SDs a day early) about when to meet her (even though I felt she should be bringing them to our house if she wants him to take them early), he contacted her early evening and she said they had to eat dinner and it would be around 8pm. Well, we live 30+ minutes away, meaning after BM gives SO more crap about money for something SHE decided to sign SDs up for, it would probably be close to 9 by the time they got home. SO wasn't cool with that. Finally BM said 7:15 closer to her town or he could go get them from her house right then & there. He said nope 7:30 halfway. She got all pissed off b/c she had to take her older son to his dad's first (um ... last we knew the ex-ss was coming to our house with SDs ... when did that change and why was SO not informed? he was looking forward to seeing ex-ss). And then she kept going on about not having any money or gas b/c of the dance stuff she bought ... well, lady, YOU signed them up w/o discussing it w/their father (who has 50/50 custody) so YOU suck up the ramifications of what YOUR decision leaves you with!!!

He told me earlier in the day she called him to explain what she had bought for dance and he has to pay $50, she doesn't have gas ... and he told her she said before that he could do whatever he can to help whenever since he doesn't have any money. Now she's changing her story and demanding money! GRRRR! And at one point, she said "Well, obviously you DO have money b/c your gf just bought a new car." Why are my finances any of her business!?! I am not married to him, we do not have a joint account! I help him out when I can and do things for SDs when I can but financially they are NOT my responsibility. Yes, I bought a newer car. My lsat one wsa 8 years old w/180,000 miles on it. It was time for something newer. And now I have to budget even more since I haven't had a car payment in 3 years.

And as he is telling me all this, I'm thinking ... it's been almost 4 years of this BS and I'm STILL letting it get to me. I don't know how to just let it roll off my shoulders and not be pissed for him and at her. I wanted to look at him and just say, "I don't think I can keep dealing with this. I have requested boundaries, yet she is still texting you about non-kid things. She is still the biggest bitch to you. She is hypocritical about my involvement yet lets her bf do everything and anything for the girls. I don't know that I really am strong enough to deal with all this." But I didn't ... I just kept it inside and got pissed about what she was saying/demanding and trying to be supportive of him and offer him words to say to her next time she brings this stuff up.

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Corn Flower's picture

Been wondering the same thing lately... Am I strong enough to deal with all the BS that comes up...

We have kids FULL TIME... And have a hectic schedule as with both work fulltime..

Mornings = dropoff SS at creche... drop off SD for school...
Race to work to get therer on time in order to be able to leave on time...
Evenings = pickup SS from creche... pick-up SD from .... god knows where biomom has decided she can go play today and arranged and organised and then INSTRUCTED us... (or hopefully just aftercare)...
Home - homecooked meal... yep no frozen meals properly prepared meals suddenly they can actually eat vegetables!!! And are enjoying their meals!

So last week SD was supposed maybe... maybe not to be sleeping with BM on friday evening... But we have not been advised as yet... its 18:00.. so we make the call.. Is SD sleeping at yours? Answer o yes I phoned your FATHER and arranged it!!!
NICE one... we are responsible for these kids but we don't even get the courtesy of a phone cal to inform us whats happening!!

I'm getting advised of school yard chatter from mothers with nothing better to do with their lives than gossip... I blew my top this week and said ENOUGH!! The child is clean; well fed; smiling; happily adjusted to the changes; her clothes are ironed and neat and her hair is always neat!! You want to complain that her socks didn't match her dress???? F**K OFF!!!

I stood at the bottom of my garden this weekend and thought to myself... How much more can I take? I clothe; feed; care for and LOVE thse kids and everyone else makes decisions without me regarding whats going to happen in my life and I'm just supposed to SMILE AND WAVE?

Then we get the request can SS sleep over tonight.... and suddenly DH decides well I'll have to ask Corn Flower first... Great make me out to be the BITCH if I say no!!! Can't dam well win...

Sorry "Can I" hijacked your blog...