After Bratty completed her individual appointment with the therapist, we scheduled a group session.

Bratty came armed with a long list of complaints and demands.  The first request off the bat was Bratty did not want to move out.  SO and I both said no, and that she needed to move out by the end of summer as previously agreed.  Bratty then said would be fine without her own room but would need to keep her stuff at our place.  WTF, Bratty this is not up for negotiation. 

We told her (again) that we had plans for the room and not enough storage space in our garage.  For future visits we expected her to use the guest room.  Bratty complained this was a problem because she felt like she was ‘only 22’ (note - she turned 23 three weeks later) and that was too young to be on her own.  Her future plans were not certain, she didn’t know when she would be applying to med school (LOL), and there would be circumstances where she would want to return home.  The therapist asked her to elaborate.

Bratty gave one specific example of if she didn’t get into medical school she would want to come home to be depressed.  WTF!  If you’re not prepared for that possible outcome you should delay applying until you’ve come up with a better Plan B than lying on my sofa and being depressed.  Bratty then gave another example of her planning major surgeries coming up.  Bratty said she was considering top surgery to align with her non-binary identify and where was she supposed to recuperate?  I volunteered that she could return home for recovery, but it was up to SO could take time off work to help her.  I also said that should be a temporary and rare situation and not an invitation to move back in.  The therapist clarified if we minded short visits and we said of course not.

At one point, the therapist used the incorrect pronouns for Bratty.  Bratty offered to the therapist to use ‘he/him’ pronouns instead as although they identified as non-binary they mostly presented as masculine.  The therapist replied with ‘that’s helpful because they/them is awkward since its’ plural’.  I cringed as I knew Bratty would not appreciate that but instead Bratty moved onto her next demand.

Bratty felt lonely when she didn’t have anywhere to go for Christmas.  The prior year SO had accompanied me to my parents’ house on the east coast for Christmas while Bratty was still at her post-bac program.  Bratty demanded to be included in future visits to my parents’ home. 

Now this finally lead me to blow a gasket.

I get to see my parents and sister once a year around the holidays for a week.  My parents do not live near me, they are on the other side of the country.  They have never met Bratty as she was already over 18 when SO and I started dating.  They casually inquire to SO about her but never asked to meet her.  What angered me was even the thought of Bratty bringing her world-class drama to ruin my family’s holiday week.  I could already see it now – Bratty would whine to SO about the food not being vegan, too spicy, or [insert complaint here] so can she and Daaaddeeee go off to dinner somewhere for vegan food or probably Boston Market.  My parents are from a different country - English is not their native language and they are also older and forgetful – there is no way they would successfully use Bratty’s preferred ‘they/them’ pronouns.  That would be another complaint Bratty would bring to SO as well.  Basically it would be a disaster and there was no way in hell I was going to let that happen.

I became angry and told Bratty I would not allow her to join us as 1) my family had no interest in meeting her and 2) she was an entitled, rude, self-absorbed person who would complain the whole time.  Bratty was stunned as I normally remain fairly calm and normally don’t react to many of her shenanigans.   Bratty managed to stammer out ‘but…I thought you could be my stepmom’. (?!?!) 

The therapist then probed me a bit on why my reaction was so strong. 

I stated I disliked Bratty and she would ruin the week.  I also told her I was very protective of my family and did not want to introduce this bad apple into the mix.  Lastly I mentioned that I had been bullied as a child in school and didn’t appreciate the list of demands Bratty was pushing onto me.  I stated clearly I had no desire to be Bratty’s stepmom.  The therapist said she thought my reactions were all important but we were near the end of the session and should reflect in the next session.

In the interim, Bratty had dropped off the video call.  She texted claiming her internet had dropped off but SO texted back saying we would pick up at the next session.  This next session never actually happened because a couple of days later, Bratty sends an email to SO and I.

Bratty stated that she sent the therapist an email after the last session complaining that the therapist used incorrect pronouns for her and it caused her major ‘hurt’.  Bratty also complained to the therapist that she needed to mediate the sessions better because Bratty did not like being yelled at by me.  It reminded her of her mother’s verbal abuse and triggered PTSD in her.  The therapist responded to Bratty and said she was no longer comfortable working with her and suggested that we either resolve our issues over email or find a different therapist.  Bratty relayed all this to in her email to us.

Neither SO or I had any knowledge of Bratty emailing the therapist after our last session until Bratty’s email to us, and we never actually saw the email itself.  SO said he was disappointed but could work on finding an alternate therapist.  I was not at all thrilled at starting over from square one and finally agreed to work with a different therapist on the condition that Bratty speak to them individually first and confirm she was comfortable with them, and that Bratty should stop emailing the therapist and focus on discussing the issues in the sessions – which would be the main point of group therapy.  Bratty didn’t respond but SO did locate an alternate therapist.  After Bratty and SO met with Therapist 2.0, I met with him one on one.  We’ll see what happens next…