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what's your opinion about this?

carolina's picture

Submitted by carolina on Wed, 04/21/2010 - 5:34pm

My S.O.has a dayjob from 7 am till 4 pm in construction and he works as a security guard from 10 pm till 4 am.
He comes home at 4:15 am from his nightjob; sleeps till 6 am; goes to his dayjob and comes home at 4:30 pm.
He'll watch tv till around 7pm eats dinner, takes a shower and either goes back to watching tv till 10 pm or sleeps from 8 pm till 9:30 pm (when I wake him up) and then goes to his nightjob.
I try to wake him up on time (the job is 10 minutes from our house) but most of the time he won't leave the house until 10:15 or maybe even 10:30 pm.is it wrong for me to think that even though I know it's tiring to have 2 jobs you still have the responsibility to be on time at both jobs?
Also am I asking to much from him when I tell him to bring all his cups and plates to the kitchen ? (The ones that he leaves on the table in
the livingroom by the tv) he doesn't pick up anything after himself ! Nothing !!!never helps with dishes, throwing out trash nothing ! Or am I asking to much if I ask him to help me out ? I work fulltime myself from 7:30 am till 4 pm. When I come home I have 3 kids (all biokids) ages 15, 12 and 8 to take care of including ALL the housework. I woulld like to know what you think : if I am asking for to much or if you think that he could at least help me out a little ????

Comments

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Wed, 04/21/2010 - 5:39pm

Does he have to have two jobs?

ETA: How the heck is he able to function with that little sleep? I'd be scared for him to even drive.
______________________________________
"Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments, they've had the same argument hundreds of times."

smnikki's picture

Submitted by smnikki on Wed, 04/21/2010 - 6:10pm

i work just as much as dh....but if we had your schedule...i would not expect him to life a finger at home, i would take care of everything for him. that schedule is insane, and i think that if it were a sm complaining that dh was coming home and doing stuff for his bio kids and not her we would say that dh should do same amount for sm....so in your case just because you have 3 kids i dont think matters, and you should take care of dh while he is home.......but then again im old fashioned that way, and i do every thing i possibly can for dh, work full time, cook, clean, do all the shopping, take care of ss on my days off, etc

smnikki's picture

Submitted by smnikki on Wed, 04/21/2010 - 6:10pm

i meant i work just as much as my dh, not yours (lol, no way in hell could i or dh function)

stepmom2one's picture

Submitted by stepmom2one on Wed, 04/21/2010 - 6:35pm

well I don't think that it is to much to ask to have him bring up his dishes or picking up after himself.

Is your money together?

I ask becuz I am just working part time vs my DH full time (well close to it after hours cut anyway) so I do more with the kids and do nearly everything around the house. I am fine with that, seeing he pays all the bills and I do not. I appreciate what he does for us and me taking care of the family is what I can do for him.

Though he does help out with making dinner sometimes or doing some laundry every once and awhile.

As for him being late, it bothers me becuz I don't like being late. But that is his own biz, if he is late and work doesn't can him than that is there issue.

Rainbow.Bright's picture

Submitted by Rainbow.Bright on Wed, 04/21/2010 - 7:21pm

My DH and I both work equal jobs essentially, but I still do more around the house just because I like it cleaner and am more nit picky about the cleanliness. Sometimes it does irritate me but whatever, I get over it.

If DH were to work TWO jobs, with those crazy hours... I wouldn't ask or expect him to do anything but chill out for the few short hours he was home. Honestly, he's literally working himself to death, so I would do everything I could to make it easier for him. Even if his two jobs only brought in as much as my one. I think if you start complaining that he's not doing enough around the house, he is going to resent you, big time.

carolina's picture

Submitted by carolina on Wed, 04/21/2010 - 7:26pm

My whole salary goes to paying the bills (just the bills) and there's nothing left of it. With his dayjob salary he gives me some money for food and gas and pays his CS. His nightjob salary he spents it all on himself (that's about a $900) last month I ran out of money for gas and food and asked him for some more but he spent all of it and doesn't remember on what! He had to pay back a friend about $100 and the rest he doesn't remember !! I am only asking him to pick up after himself and don't be so sloppy because he is really really sloppy !! Am I still wrong ??

smnikki's picture

Submitted by smnikki on Wed, 04/21/2010 - 7:33pm

yeah, thats different..,.. if the other job is not going towards the family, to me it seems unnecessary...is he really at a job?

im at work and when i read your blog to my dad, his first response was, "is she sure hes not out messing around?"

if he is not contributing to the fam with that job or even knowing where the money is going to than i say yes you have every right to request help from him, weather its help around the house, or he gives you some of that income towards bills since you are doing EVERYTHING else

carolina's picture

Submitted by carolina on Wed, 04/21/2010 - 7:29pm

My whole salary goes to paying the bills (just the bills) and there's nothing left of it. With his dayjob salary he gives me some money for food and gas and pays his CS. His nightjob salary he spents it all on himself (that's about a $900) last month I ran out of money for gas and food and asked him for some more but he spent all of it and doesn't remember on what! He had to pay back a friend about $100 and the rest he doesn't remember !! I am only asking him to pick up after himself and don't be so sloppy because he is really really sloppy !! Am I still wrong ??

stepmom2one's picture

Submitted by stepmom2one on Thu, 04/22/2010 - 5:45pm

You're not wrong. It is a matter of opinion, we all run our households differently.

I do hope that you get close to half the bills and food. I understand that these kids are yours, not his? So he probably feels he shouldn't have to pay 50%---but I would hope that someone that loves you would want to help you out more financially.

unhappy2happy's picture

Submitted by unhappy2happy on Wed, 04/21/2010 - 7:38pm

Your salary goes to paying most of the bills, and he only gives you some money after his day job pays for SOME food gas and CS.... His second job should be helping with the household bills, mortgage, electric and on and on...

Working 2 jobs is hard, I know I have been there done that when my son was little. But so is working coming home and taking care of 3 kids and the housework.. No I don't think it is asking too much to at least clean up after himself... If he doesn't want to help in that area I would tell him you need 100.00 a week to cover a part time house keeper..

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Thu, 04/22/2010 - 5:50am

I would not expect him to do much of anything, HOWEVER, I think there is something else going on here...no way that if he is truly working all those hours, he should spend 900USD a month on himself...that sounds nutty...

As far as what you do, you are taking care of YOUR bio kids...wether it's tiring or not, they were your choice to have...now if you were taking care of HIS kids, that's a different issue...but that's not the issue here...

Again, I hate to say it but you need to not expect so much from him at home BUT ALSO find out if he TRULY is working all those hours...that does NOT sound right...NOBODY can go so many days with less than 2hrs of sleep...nope...I don't buy it...something else is going on.

JMC's picture

Submitted by JMC on Thu, 04/22/2010 - 1:00pm

Okay, maybe it's just my nature, but I'd be really suspicious of the 'second' job. I can't imagine anyone being able to function on 2 2 hr naps - especially in the construction field. Not only could lack of sleep be endangering your S.O., but it could also create an unsafe work environment for his co-workers. It's possible he may be able to slip in a nap at second job while doing 'security' - it's done all the time depending on the type and/or place you are providing security for. As for him spending $900 bucks on himself and not remembering what it was for and paying back a 'friend' it sounds like he could have a gambling problem or something on the side.

Oops - almost forgot the original question - if he truly is working for the benefit of the household, then I would cut him some slack on lack of housekeeping skills. If not, then he'd be doing everything himself because I'd be outta there in a heartbeat! JMHO